My first kiss with a guy

I'm not sure what you're looking for in terms of "spark" or "magic". It seems like you've built up these things in your mind like some Disney movie where fireworks should be going off when you finally kiss the guy.

Forget the sparks and magic, does it feel good? Do you like kissing him?

For me, when I'm kissing a guy, it usually leads to more passionate kissing and making out. A kiss is just a kiss. It doesn't have to be some magical thing, and it hasn't been for me. I do enjoy kissing a guy, though, and often it leads to more. So, my question, Jacob, is when you kiss him, do you enjoy it enough to be more passionate in your kissing and a broader making out session?

I just think you're putting too much pressure on a kiss, that it needs to "mean something" or be so fantastic and magical or else the whole thing fails.

Maybe try to take the kissing to a higher level and go for making out. For me, that's where the passion really begins.

 

Hey Jacob!!! From my point of view...I think that you are putting too much pressure on yourself especially just over two kisses. I also tend to believe that is not enough time to come to any kind of conclusions on the matter as a whole. Furthermore, in my opinion...its too soon to be thinking of what the future may hold in regards to whether you and Brandon's friendship will advance to a make out session. The way I see it...you are still in the "baby steps" moments. When I say "baby steps"...this is me saying to give it time and let things happen in its own course if its meant to happen. Too soon to rule anything out right now. Also, I could be wrong but I still believe that although you have taken another attempt at kissing Brandon that you are also still be somewhat apprehensive in regards to taking it all in openly without any doubts, fears, anxiety, etc. I believe that once you come to terms with it all by knowing within yourself that you are going in full on and embracing the experience...this is when you will know for sure the effects that engaging yourself in this situation will have on you honestly.

I can remember when I had my first encounter with a gay man which consist of kissing, holding me and grinding up against me. Even though this may sound like a simple process...however, it was not. I was scared to death and full of apprehension and anxiety inside because I had been with females all of my teenage years. Once I came to terms of open my mind and my heart to embracing the situation as a whole..this is when for me...I had started to feel emotions, etc. that I was supposed to be feeling with a guy and not just with a female. Nonetheless...it took some time and did not happen overnight. Just sayin'....I am still proud of you for taking the steps and the direction you are taking with this...JS

 

Jacob,

I agree with the other posts about putting to much pressure on yourself. But as always I have another perspective for you.

You know you can and do get excited with Brandon. You have had sex with him to completion. So arousal is not the issue here. Yes, I think the pressure/expectation is a big issue, but there's also whether your mind admits it or not the inescapable denial those of us have when learning to accept who we are. Denial isn't always in the mind, out in the open. Many times it hides itself just for the simple reason that it can lie in wait and confound any attempt we make at acknowledging the truth.

So, just because you say you are ready to accept, don't underestimate the power of denial. You have come very far in a very short period of time. The difference between what you feel when kissing a girl and with Brandon could be simply caused by heartfelt denial no matter how ready you want to be.

Have you ever had sex with an unattractive girl or a girl you really weren't that interested in? If so were you able to fake it to the point she thought you were into her?
You may have to do that with Brandon to overpower the seed of denial. It's kind of allowing the mind to control the feeling to get to the real feeling.

The only other way I see getting past it is to check with a different guy to see if it is just an issue with Brandon being to close of a friend or if there really is no connection with guys. I really don't see that as the issue though because of the previous sex as mentioned.

 

First, let me say with all sincerity- you are not weird, the situation is not weird. I have known friends in the same predicament as you, and read about others. It kinda like finding your true 'soul mate' connection just in the wrong body than expected. I apologize for my initial statement. I either forgot that you had not gone all the way with Brandon, or overlooked it.

Knowing that and what you have posted above. This could truly be just the once in a lifetime connection and you are not gay at all. I would honestly think by now with how willing you are to determine if you are gay, you would be finding other guys attractive.

My new suggestion would be to cool it with the testing phase and just get back to a more normal stance between the two of you. Stop putting the pressure on yourself to figure it out, forget about it all for a while and just relax. Live life and enjoy. If anything does happen to where you feel attracted to him to go further, then you can allow it if you choose. Otherwise I would get back to the two of you how you were before questioning.

 

Jacob, I've written a blog post on orientation that may help. It's titled "Am I gay?" I hope it might help.

Patrick