Hello.

I'm not really sure what to write here, so I'll just ramble on for a moment.


I'm 22, from Finland, I work as a freelance illustrator in the commercial arts industry by trade and I'm also studying editing and camera work in a film school. My hobbies include music, writing, reading, sculpting, 3D modelling, gym, swimming, skateboarding, and snowboarding. and newly out.

Far as the reason for my being here goes, well... I'm gay and out to everyone else except myself, that is.

Let me try to explain.

December 2016 marked the end of a long process of realization for myself. A realization that, deep down, I know had been going on for eight years, though I never wanted to admit it to myself in all that time.

Long as I recall, I've been straight. Or deluded myself into thinking I'm straight, but after a lot of reflection, I've come to understand that the relationships I've had in life with women have always been lacking on some level, though I could never put a name for it until late last year.

In late 2016, I joined another forum to better understand myself, and what it is that I actually want out of life. I ended up meeting a wonderful guy whom I started developing feelings for. He encouraged those feelings, and reciprocated, expressing his desire to meet and be intimate physically and emotionally.

Two weeks ago, he admitted to me that he's already in a relationship with somebody - a long distance one - and had been for all this time. For a while we continued as though that were not a factor, but last night, he went back on everything and said that while he'd love to give me a chance, his loyalty for his present partner doesn't allow him to do so after all.

I called him out on his irresponsibility. He then accused me of guilt-tripping and ended up deleting me on all platforms.

He helped me come to terms with- and more easily swallow the fact that I'm gay, and I'll always be forever grateful for that, but while his loyalty is obviously admirable, at the present time, I can't help but to feel used, abused, and led on.

I've come here to this forum now in an active effort to understand better who I am, how to deal with it, and how to move forward, as I've not yet fully accepted that fact for myself.

If you wanna know something more, you can just ask questions instead, as I feel this post is a bit too long already.

I'm sorry for running this on the long-form. I just felt like I needed to let it all out.

thanks for taking the time to read.