Why do we think "I'm not trans enough"?

Idk.. I never thought that way. Ever since I was 8 I just went "I am pretty sure I'm a boy" "I am trapped in the wrong body", and "these parts don't match me". When I was 15 I finally found out this was called being trans and that I am not fucked up in the head even though I still kept it a secret out of fear :|
The doubts of ever being "trans enough" never phased through me.

 

Hi Hats,

So, trans enough for whom? Trans enough for what? I think it's natural to fear the actual process of changing the world around you that you have become so accustomed to and comfortable in. Because transitioning isn't going to only affect the individual, but it will affect everyone around them. When you say "trans enough", I am not sure what enough or not enough would be. And for what? Could it be that you feel you have to "be trans enough" to justify the changes in your life, that may become difficult? I really hope that you do not think you have to live up to certain standards or appease others in order to validate being trans. It doesn't work like that. If you are questioning you gender identity, most likely, your feelings are valid. Don't expect others around you to set standards and goals based on their own beliefs as to what being trans is and isn't. Unless they, themselves are trans, the fact is, they probably don't know themselves what being trans is, and have no experiences on the topic other than what they gather from media sources. If they are trans, and they are telling you that you aren't "trans enough" or need to live up to certain criteria to be trans, shame on them. In the meantime, stay strong, and love yourself unconditionally.

 

While personally I do not relate to this feeling, I remember when I was questioning many similar thoughts came to mind.

Basically, it came to the point that if simply did not make sense for a "girl" to think and experience things the way I did. At around 15 years old, I discovered that dysphoria is not a normal human occurrence, and all girls do not secretly, profoundly wish to be boys. Process of elimination says that if I am not a girl and not genderqueer, then I must be a boy. Add to that, identifying as male is much more comforting to me than the abrasive sense of "circle in square hole" that I get by trying to act female.

Take it easy on yourself. The doubts and questioning is a part of growing in your identity. Even Alice had a hard time answering the question "Who are you?" when she said, "I thought I knew who I was this morning,but I've changed a few times since then." It is not only trans people, but everyone, who must come to terms with who they are.

The confusion goes way when acceptance comes to take its place.

 

Not trans enough stems from the following in things I have noticed about myself and others.

1.) Am I "faking it". This is least often the case because people think this while struggling with coming to grips with it themselves. This usually passes.

2.) Dysphoria. There has been a perpetuated stereotype that "you have to outright hate everything about your body and be miserable 24/7". While this Dysphoria is very real, many do not experience much if any physical Dysphoria. That doesn't means social Dysphoria isn't as real or valid.

3.) People are caught up on beauty and passing (I'm definitely one of those I'll admit), but if you don't "stereotypically pass" then you somehow aren't trans? This is a real issue to some as well.

4.) Non binary. I have very little understanding or knowledge of the non binary mindset, but even though we are considered a "community" there are exclusionary undercurrents in it and binary vs. Non binary can be considered one of these disenfranchising issues that make non binaries feel "not trans enough".

That's how I see it.

 

Never gave a second thought about anyone else opinion I am "trans enough" or not ( except maybe my therapist's). Is it such a huge issue? Seems like a non issue to me. Your own opinion should trump everyone else's on the matter, you are the only one actually living "inside your mind"

That being said I know I am trans because I lack congruence between the physical me and the mental me. It has always been this way. The current situation troubles me a lot. I wish i could adjust either part and finally be rid of the dysphoria. I know I am trans, and how I chose to deal with it does not make it any less so.

 

I think "trans enough" is such a misleading statement isn't it, because I know exactly what you mean. It's not an outward "an I trans enough", worrying about people's labels and perceptions of you; it's how you feel about yourself. At least, that's how I interpret it. I just combat those fears by focusing on what I want. I want to feel like a proper man. I want to have the stubble and one day the beard. I want a smaller bum with even bigger shoulders than I have now. I want to be a huge guy with a deep voice. These individual things I want add up to feeling like the man I am. And who I aspire to be.

 

I can relate to that so much. I basically know I am neither a man not a woman because of several factors. But no matter how sure I am, I keep doubting it. I think I do because huge parts of our society still see gender as a binary concept and because I have been exposed to this system all my life.

Honestly, I don't know if I will ever stop doubting, but I hope doubt will gradually disappear. What helps for is to write my thoughts down. And to remind myself why I identify the way I do and that there are other people out there who are going through similar things. You're not alone with your doubts!

 

For me it's the fact that I wasn't a particularly masculine child, though I've had these feelings pretty consistently since maybe 15 or 16 and did show a few subtle signs starting around 11-12.

 

Because while we are all like "gender roles do not matter, be who you are", when it comes down to it and it's just us and our brain, we compare ourselves to the female or male archetype and fail at being reasonable.

 

That's one of my issues too. I wasn't a very feminine child. I grew up playing with Star Wars toys, street hockey and baseball equipment, Power Rangers, TMNT, etc. Though like you, I did develop subtle signs later. Maybe earlier than my teens, like wanting to play with the Pink Ranger, Leia, and my sisters Barbies(though I mostly just crashed the car into things and created carnage. lol.). But about 15 or 16 is when I really started to have these feelings consistently, albeit very mildly. And I showed more subtle signs...

 

I guess we have pretty similar stories! I wasn't a super girly kid, but I was fairly normative. I kind of liked Barbie stuff (didn't really own any, but played with them at my grandma's house), I'd get into my mom's makeup and stuff, I got pissed that my mom wouldn't let me grow my hair out, I once decided to take cheerleading classes when I could have taken karate (though I was like five years old, it was a close call, and I hated it and only went once), I chose to play the girliest instrument of all in band (the flute), I would usually choose Peach on Mario Kart, etc. I also liked video games, bike riding, tree climbing, wrestling (not watching professional wrestling, actually wrestling like with cousins), and TMNT as well! haha And I had a lot of fun playing with hot wheels at my grandma's. But I never insisted like "I'm a boy!". As a matter of fact, if you suggested I was a boy as a kid I would probably have gotten mad. Though I don't recall not liking having short hair because it made me look like a boy. Just because I looked ugly. Looking back on old pictures, I was right lol. Probably because my mom cut it herself very shittily. And actually, a lot of my close female friends growing up were far more "tomboyish" than me, so some of them might be surprised to see that I am transitioning.

 

I had Hot Wheels too, and I enjoyed them. I remember getting my toy lightsabers taken away multiple times, because I broke stuff with it, or hit my sisters. I rode my big wheel, and my bike when I got older. Toys never seemed gendered.

If you had called me a girl when I was young, I definitely would have gotten mad! A lot of my old classmates would be surprised that I'll be transitioning.