I came out to my wife back in August and we've filed for divorce, which should be finalized around the end of February. As bizarre as it sounds, were planning to continue sharing the home and property we bought about 3 years ago and both love, as well as continuing as business partners. In some ways it all seems too easy, smooth, and friendly. We've been together 35 years and still care for each other. But I want to be able to move on. I'm seeing a couple of guys periodically, but at some point I'm going to want to bring someone home and cook them breakfast. Not sure how that's going to feel with my ex down the hall. So our divorce doesn't quite feel like what I would have expected. She explicitly says she doesn't feel angry or bitter. That's very good, I think. Somehow we're being very adult about this. It still leaves me at least a bit confused. She says she's fine with being single, so our paths are diverging. It really is all about sex, because otherwise we continue to get along fine. I wonder why I'm struggling inside with the idea of divorce. I thought I'd gotten over the negative feelings about it and was ready to move on. A friend commented Friday night that I liooked more relaxed than I had before coming out. Maybe everything will be OK and I'm just overthinking things.
I get where you are coming from. We expect divorce to be crazy, chaotic, full of strife especially when one is coming out or has come out. I would say relax and take it as it flows. Maybe she realized, longer than before you told her you were gay, that the marriage wasn't working out and had already accepted it.
I'm glad your wife is being really good about this. My husband has his ups and downs but for the most part he's doing okay. He's still pretty depressed about it and in a strange way I am too. I really liked him just...never fell in love with him. Coming out does relax you and its a great thing. Don't worry, I overthink things too so just hang tight. Think about the good that's coming out of this and don't stress over the small negative things.
Have you thought about building a second residence on your property? That's what my wife and I are planning — not actually at our principal residence, but on a rental property we own. Seattle allows "backyard cottages" of up to 800 square feet on virtually any single-family lot in the city. I intend to occupy the cottage while she stays in the family home. After 31 years of marriage, we are not planning to divorce in the near future, though we will have to come to some kind of financial arrangement we can both live with.
Weston, there are a couple of rooms in my office (on the same property) that I could convert into a bedroom cheaply. We already have 5 buildings on the property so adding another probably isn't a good idea, and the septic system isn't permitted for any more bedrooms anyway. Building something else is not affordable, either. In the short term I'll probably buy a futon or air bed to go in one of those office rooms.
Sounds like a good idea to me. Have you thought about how you might feel if/when she brings someone home to a bedroom "just down the hall?" It's probably something you need to discuss between the two of you. My wife and I both have boyfriends, but we try to avoid bringing them home (to sleep) when the other is there; we do, however, make up a foursome for dinners at home on a regular basis. Beyond just bringing someone home for the night, I personally want to experience living on my own for a bit, so a separate cottage makes sense for me.
I think I'd be OK with her bringing someone home, although I don't think that's going to happen for a while. She says she's content with the idea of being single, at least for the near-term future (which could be a small number of years given our long-term perspective on life). We have discussed the idea of bringing a new partner home, at least in a general way. We need to have that conversation again.
