Idk if I'm trans or just weird or what...

You'll hear this a lot, but you're really the only person who knows for certain. I know you're confused, trust me. I'm also questioning whether I'm trans. It's a bit of a journey. I have a few questions to help you sort things out:

1) What do you mean when you say 'everything a girl is associated with'?

2) How do you feel about people referring to you with she/her pronouns? If you feel disgusted or angry or even just uncomfortable, that may be an indicator. I know I hate it.

 

That sounds more like you're a feminist who resents the box society puts women into.

 

I've felt the same when people addressed me as female, or called me cute or the female pronouns or compliments. I hated it. I started to hate my long hair, I chopped it all off in Dcember 2015 and I felt so much better. I felt better binding, I felt better showing more masculine.

While you might not be into all the stereotypical male tropes, that doesn't mean what you feel isn't real. If you feel better, happier and more like yourself showing or acting even remotely masculine, that might be a sign. I HATED all the stereotypical female things, pink, makeup, all the like, and I still hate it. I never wore feminine clothing unless I had no other choice or for super special occasions, and even then, I would rather skin myself then wear a dress or skirt.

Do you feel happier looking like a guy? Do you like it when people call you 'sir, him, mr' and so on? How do you see yourself?

I'm not an expert, I'm still starting to transition myself. But I think asking for expertiese from a gender therapist would be a great way to start. Someone who has worked with trans patients before and could have a better understanding and better way to help you Mine was helpful and very nice, putting my own doubts to rest that this wasn't just in my head, giving me such relief.

I hope you can find the answers and be happy with what you find. Good luck! ^^

 

You're welcome For me the therapist I had to see was 2 hour drive out of my city, and a 3 hour drive to see my Endocronologyst, the one who discusses and gives out the prescription for Testosterone. Is it this case where there's not any in your area, or you are unable to see one? Either one is understandable, and I'm sorry you can't see one right away I wish I could help more.

 

Ultimately you will have to decide (I'm sorry, you've probably heard that so often, and I used to hate it when I didn't know because I just desperately wanted the answer). In your post there were many points that rang true to my own experience.

My reaction - which you should not construe as an answer to the question of whether you are trans or not - is that there are indicators you could be trans. However you said you don't really want what guys have 'down there' - have you considered non-binary identities? Also it's perfectly fine too to identify as female, whilst needing to bind and not wanting to conform to any social 'female' expectations. I had to consider this carefully for a while. I really liked my binder and the silhouette it gave me, and wondered whether I could stop at that point. However I very quickly re-assessed: I feel physically sick every time someone uses female pronouns (I'll actually wince), and I definitely want every part of a male body. I don't just prefer binding - I need to get rid of the breasts that are attached to my chest.
Also, just to highlight something: I'm trans, but I'm not into anything typically 'masculine'. I don't think that interests should play too big a role in deciding your gender identity. It is more about how you feel physically in your body, and socially as far as name and pronouns are concerned.

Maybe questions to ask yourself:
Do you want other people to view you as male, female, or neither/both?
In a hypothetical world where no one existed and you were alone for your entire life just doing stuff alone what body would you be in? How would you exist? [This question was the crunch question for me: I can only picture myself as male in this scenario].

In trying to find the answer it helps a lot to try to cast aside the opinions of others. For a moment pretend no one else exists. Who are you, deep down? What is your ideal, natural life and body? Don't let fear creep in when you consider these questions. After all, you don't need to be scared - you're only asking them inside your head. No one can hear your thoughts. When answering these questions you are allowed to be entirely authentic. In fact, you owe it to yourself to be authentic. Just find the truth that is there somewhere inside you. You're searching for an answer that ultimately is buried somewhere inside yourself. You won't find it outside.