Did I Cheat? Get your Opinion.

I don't think you did because you actually told him about it. Cheating usually requires lying and going behind one's back.

 

I agree. You asked him, so... No not cheating.

 

You basically asked for your boyfriends consent since you were on a break, and it sounds like he gave it. That's not cheating. That's just making use of a break.

 

I agree with the others. In my opinion...you did not cheat. You were single and your boyfriend were well aware of the situation and was okay with the outcome. Therefore, you have nothing to feel bad about.

 

I don't really get why everyone on here seems to think what you did was fine. If we're going to argue semantics, then I guess to some people this technically isn't considered 'cheating', but regardless, personally I think that was a pretty shitty thing to do and if it were me, I'd want nothing more to do with you.

You have a discussion on Saturday morning with your boyfriend about something, then when he doesn't decide fast enough (within what, two days?) how he feels about that, you immediately and without discussing it with him start looking for other guys on various apps? That's just disrespectful and that alone would be enough for me to show you the door. Then you put him on the spot and tell him not only did you talk to a guy, but you're also planning on meeting him for dinner 'with his permission'. I seriously doubt his answer was 'Yeah, sure! Go ahead! No problem at all.' Then when your date turned out not to be all that, you go back to your boyfriend (wow, lucky him!), because you've decided you want to make things work again.

Seriously? I'm the only one who'd feel slightly cheated on?

I'm not trying to be rude, but you should be extremely thankful your boyfriend is still sticking up for you. I'm with the cousin's wife on this one.

 

No you didn't cheat at all. You told him you were going out on a date and he knew and had your permission and said he wasn't going to stop you. His cousins wife doesn't know what she's talking about.

 

Not on,y was it not cheating, under difficult relationship circumstances you openly and honestly told him you were meeting someone. And he agreed. Not only did it help you better understand your own feelings for him; it probably did the same thing for him.

Of course, third parties might have different views not knowing the real circumstances. And e probably used his relationship to complain about you. But all that matters is what you and he agree on.

 

Unfortunately, your financial situation gives your boyfriend's cousin's wife a position leverage in this case, but you shouldn't conflate this leverage in any way with your moral standing. The problem isn't whether or not you have cheated, but that you have been put in a position, governed mainly by the stress on your relationship, into making a choice about whether or not you should stay with your boyfriend. In times like these we tend to make mistakes, so my advice to you is to put everything on hold and become reactive instead of proactive. Anxiety makes this hard, but you can't control other people, even when you are very close to them. When he says he needs time away from you to think, usually the best course of action is to give it to him and let him know you will be waiting if he needs anything. There is, of course, a limit to how long you should be expected to wait but two days seems rather short and by going online you may have sent a message to your boyfriend that you are ready to short circuit your bond with him. If you regret that decision just be honest and tell him so. If he can't forgive you then perhaps your bond wasn't so strong after all. At any rate, if I were you, I wouldn't look to others to decide for me if this action constitutes cheating or not. Surely the quality of your love is worth more consideration than that from all parties concerned.

 

not trying to be rude and no disrespect, but if you were "on a break" or weren't "together" than why did you have to ask his permission? What would've happened if the date did go well? If you slept with him and regretted it the next morning would you still go back to your boyfriend? And if his exact words were "i'm not going to stop you from going on a date" sounds a little passive aggressive to me. Sounds like you were testing the waters to see what you can get away with and still have your boyfriend to fall back on if something doesn't work out. I really don't like that trait in people and i would agree with the cousin.

 

I'll sidestep the original question a bit and say that I think the issue of what to label the dinner is somewhat beside the point - what to do now may be a different question altogether.

I think it's going to take some work to figure out why you felt like you needed to install some dating apps and talk to other men after only two days, and from your boyfriend's perspective, why he told you that he was okay with you going on the dinner. Obviously you two were having problems, and there may have been self-esteem issues at work, and so on. But long story short: do your boyfriend, your relationship, and yourself a favor - delete the apps and focus on your current relationship. If you work it out, great. If you don't, then make sure you've done everything you could first before starting to date other people. Dating apps will not help you in this process - they will only make it harder and more confusing.

Once you decide where you and your boyfriend stand, if the relationship is going to continue, you can talk with his cousin about the situation at her house together, as a team. But your first step here is with your boyfriend.

 

In my mind, you didn't cheat. You both seemed to feel mutual about the situation and he seemed to be fine with it. You told him what was happening and expressed everything to him. I'm not really sure how that would count as cheating.

 

The sense I get out of all of this is that the question you need to ask yourself is why you want to be with your boyfriend. Right now it sounds like "not being alone" is the main reason. Jumping on dating apps two days after potentially breaking up makes it sound like you were eager to replace him (so to speak). If somebody is that easy to move on from, it begs the question why you were with said person to begin with.

 

Justin f has a very good point. Well, truth hurts when it's unvarnished.

My take on this is that it's a normal reaction for someone confronted with very sensitive issues to walk out and leave. Maybe he has fears and insecurities. you mentioned that he had a stroke, that could somehow cause feelings of shame, inadequacies, intrapersonal battles, and often has effects on physical performance(eg., Sex, wrk, etc) ask yourself if you'RE willing to accept that.
On the other Hand, it's a normal reaction for brians34 to feel hurt and to have that Need to feel loved and wanted hence the apps.
The cousin has her reasons too, she is protective of her cousin, time will heal that.

Brians34,.did you let your bf know that you were going on a date with the hope that your bf would stop you? Or did you do that to spare yourself from guilt if ever something did happen on that date, so that he won't blame you? Coz he said He was OK right.
What if the bf said ok to push you away? Sometimes people tend to push their loved ones away, when all they really want to do is Make up. Yes, people are complicated that way.

Having said that, let's try to put ourselves on the Bf's shoes, brians34, and the cousin's. Everyone has their own way of confronting situations, some suck at it a little, while some ruin their potentially good future and Relationships over some lack of or overreaction, impulsiveness, stubbornness and so on.

We can't control human behavior and reactions, but we just have to be sensible and mature when it comes to relationships. God speed

 

This wasn't cheating.