I posted this in the welcome lounge, because I didn't see this particular forum when I signed up. I am redirecting it here in hopes of getting better advice. Ever since I was a teenager I have had on and off gender dysphoria. Generally I would feel like a perfectly fine man, but sometimes I would feel like I'd make a better girl. For a long time it felt like a sexual thing more than an actual desire to transition, usually going away if I explored it through role-play or something. But over the last year or so, it has, at times, become pretty intense. More than ever in my past I have found myself genuinely wishing I was a girl, but then still, other times I feel totally fine as the gender I am. I am really confused and can't figure out if I am trans or not. Sometimes I am dead certain I want to be a woman, but then I think about the difficulties involved in transitioning and losing the body I have now and I can't imagine it. I don't mean to come across as fickle, or flippant, I just need some advice from some people who may know more about this, or may have experienced this themselves. Is there a way for me to tell if I am trans or not, or if it is just a fascination with cross-gender play?
I can't provide a definite answer, but I'd like to help with these: First, there's nothing wrong in cross-dressing or enjoying role-plays. Transgender people can have fun too, so this doesn't count as a reason why you "shouldn't be trans". And another note, I understand that the questioning process brings many difficulties, but I'd suggest to put these on a different level; you're not less trans because of that. Maybe you could think about these questions too: - Have you ever wanted/tried to go by feminine pronouns or name? How did it felt? - If you could change your body without pain/problems/any difficulties, would you? I think that the most important aspect of the questioning process is how you actually feel. In this forum you'll also have a space where you'll be able to experiment with your gender expression safely
just to offer a possibility, you might be genderfluid. Of coursenonly you can truly answer that, I just wanted to offer a possibility to consider as you explore who you are.
That all makes sense. To answer your two questions, I have gone by feminine pronouns and names, primarily either in online role-play or video games. Generally I like it, though I don't know if necessarily feels more "natural" if that makes sense. To the second question... I think honestly yes, though I would sort of like a caveat in that hypothetical, where I could change back at will in case I didn't like it lol. I think that is another aspect of it. I am deathly afraid of the idea of a transition, only to find, it really isn't what I needed/wanted and then to spend the rest of my life regretting it. But I guess those things aside, simply, the answer to your two questions are yes and yes. ---------- Post added 20th Jan 2017 at 01:18 PM ---------- What exactly does it mean to be genderfluid? I am completely familiar what that would entail?
What exactly does it mean to be genderfluid? I am completely familiar what that would entail?[/QUOTE] If you're genderfluid it means your gender changes over time rather than being constant. So it could be male, female, and androgynous, or it could be agender, bigender and non-binary...there's a lot of possible combinations. Some people slide between male and female and regard themselves as bigender rather than genderfluid.
If you're genderfluid it means your gender changes over time rather than being constant. So it could be male, female, and androgynous, or it could be agender, bigender and non-binary...there's a lot of possible combinations. Some people slide between male and female and regard themselves as bigender rather than genderfluid.[/QUOTE] Ok, I notice I made a error in my original comment. I meant to say "I am not completely familiar" just so there is no confusion. But that makes sense. Maybe that would be a good way to describe me. That sort of helps explain it a bit.
No, that's okay. If it helps, I used to feel like that as well - there were times when I craved being a girl, thought it unfair that I was treated differently even though I didn't feel different from them, and was frustrated that I wasn't a girl, and at other times I was happy in my male body and my male gender role. Originally I wrote it off as just being a guy being interested in girly things and angry at blatant sexism, but then when I got older I realised that wasn't a satisfactory explanation. I had mini identity crises like you describe. Then this year I decided to tackle it properly and one day I suddenly felt entirely female with a dose of dysphoria to boot, and then slowly felt myself sliding back to male over about 90 minutes. When it continued to happen, sometimes several times a day, eventually I had to call it for what it was. One thing I did in my investigations, once I'd had my first shift, was to keep track of my shifts in a spreadsheet with columns for the time and date, the feelings I had, what I was doing (to see if there were potential triggers) and my boy and girl percentages. I have just over three months of data and it clearly shows that I'm fluid. The reason I use "bigenderfluid" rather than just genderfluid is because I feel that neither term entirely characterises the way in which I switch.
Well that is very enlightening! That sounds a lot like what I experience. What do you do to help keep the feelings from being too extreme? If anything?
The biggest thing for me is avoiding denial. I went for somewhere between a week and a fortnight after coming out where I decided not to talk any more about my fluidity. I was like, "This isn't a thing. Nope. No. I'm cis." At the end of that I woke up one night and had about 10 instant shifts back and forth from boy to girl in about six seconds. There was no androgynous state in the middle, just bam-bam-bam-bam-bam. It was fast, scary, and emotionally exhausting, and essentially my girl side was going, "Here's Johnny!" I know not to do that again. Of course it can get difficult if I feel male for a long time with no shifts, but they come back sooner or later. In less extreme ways...I'm growing my hair out. This is something I've wanted to do for years simply out of curiosity, but while unconnected to my gender issues it is going to help. About a month ago I suddenly felt female and dysphoric and I'd have done anything to have long enough hair that I could tie it in a pony tail and push it through the back of a baseball cap. Instead I just had to put up with the discomfort until it dissipated. I use female pronouns online, in order to give my female side some acknowledgement. Offline I'm experimenting, but will probably settle on "they". This hasn't prevented extreme shifts from happening, but it has reduced their frequency and also lessened the severity of my normal shifts. I'm lucky in that I don't always get dysphoric when I switch to female, but when I do it does indeed suck, so I sympathise with you entirely! Basically, I just try to give my female side some recognition so it doesn't feel oppressed and angry.
Interesting. I have had long hair since I was a teenager so that isn't necessarily a problem for me lol, but I have decided to fully shave my body to see how it feels. So maybe this stuff is sort of a thing you just have to acknowledge and indulge from time to time then?
Yes...or it may be something you have to discover for yourself. For me it's finding a way to feel balanced. Ideally I'd be able to present androgynously and tweak it towards feminine or masculine as required, but at the moment I'm not really sure I can do that, so I have to find other ways of expressing who I am. The annoying thing is not being able to control my shifts. If I could say, "tomorrow I'm going to feel feminine" then I could plan for that, but I can't.
Well, I don't have the "shifts" as you describe. Rather a persistent, underlying, feeling that I should be a woman for a time, and then for another time a persistent, underling, feeling I am totally fine as a man. Usually exploring it in some sort of role-play helps alleviate it, usually, but not always. But regardless, this is has been very helpful. Thank you for sharing with me your experience and offering me your advice I hope that you find the perfect way to balance your shifts and feel like the perfect you. I can't relate entirely, but I can relate some, so I can empathize. (*hug*)
