Realistic answers please: Full passing doable?

anthracite,

I nor anyone else here was telling you to announce it to the world. You question was "Full passing doable". Short answer - in general after surgery, to the world at large, yes it is doable in many cases.

By your additional posts, the question then became if it was doable intimately. Short answer - no, not really.

I, myself, was only further clarifying that if you ever want a deep unconditional love which you do deserve with someone, it only comes from being open and honest from the get go.

The decision is always ultimately yours and yours alone.

 

I didn't mean to insult anyone who screams it out. Everyone as he wants. I'm scared of it to become the norm.

But well, then I guess this is it with the thread. I have the answers I was searching for. Maybe science finds something better one day.

 

I know I'm late to the party and I know you're done with the thread, but *hugs* It's rough and I'm sorry you're in the place you're in.

I will say that both myself and my girlfriend are intact down there and, you know what, it does suck. Not in any fun way. It is an obstacle. There's no way around that. I need to feel attractive to enjoy sex, and while I can kind of work some of my exhibitionist kink into things enough to be flexible, there's a whole level of intimacy that's off limits to me, that I really need, just because my girlfriend doesn't have a vagina.

Having said that, I will also say that my girlfriend is my rock. Cuddling with her feels better than anything in the world. There have been days when I have just felt like utter shit and I've talked with her for a few minutes and everything turned right around. She's a nerd like me and she pushes me to keep learning more every day, and me her. There's a lot about us sexually beyond those two parts that really works for us, and we explore those, and honestly it's better than any sex I've ever had with my girlfriend who did have a vagina. I love her sense of humor and her approach to life so much, she is such a gentle soul in the sea of edge and violence that is the world.

I really would have regretted it if my being uncomfortable with a part of me kept me from asking her out.

I'm not saying this is you. You have your priorities. Just please consider, for a moment, that you may be able to find a partner that treats you like a real man. I know that may not be enough and that's cool.

 

Yes. I would only add that there are some people in this world who are more perceptive than others. My current partner knew within a week of meeting me that on some level I really didn't consider myself as male, and she asked me out anyway! It wasn't things I said explicitly; after all, I wasn't out to myself yet. But there were little hints here and there which were my inner turmoil with my transness finding outlets where it could. As individual things, other explanations were possible, but in totality they meant that the game was well and truly up. My friends were also not surprised. Something as big as that cannot be repressed entirely and you may (though not necessarily) find something similar happens with you. Or you may find that even if they don't detect you are trans, they will know that you have a huge wall up and they will wonder what the big massive secret is that you're hiding behind it, because nobody creates massive walls like you are without a really good reason. And it's a lot easier to see that someone has walls up than it is to detect they are trans. Of course I can only speak from my own experience, but it's something that is worth considering.

 

Well you could say you had to have surgery down there, I know some cis guys with micropenises get phallo. I wouldn't do it personally since it still feels dishonest to me, but it is technically true. I worry though that if you had that and top surgery scars, its possible your partner may figure things out. Not sure what else to say but I wish you luck in your situation (*hug*) I also hope science gets on that and figures out a better alternative soon.

 

Thank you for all your hugs. I'm starting to consider it. Like if I know that person for a few years. Or maybe is LGBT herself because there I got chances that there exists more of an honor codex for how you do with sensitive data.

 

Let me tell you something At this point I wouldn't consider dating someone I haven't known for a long time, not because I don't want to be outed, but because I want to know who I'm dating: the good, the bad and the ugly. And I find it easier to get on with noncishets in that respect.

 

I think that honesty is the best policy in a relationship. Being upfront about being trans to someone you're dating or interested in will save the heartbreak if they find out deeper into the relationship. If they are a compatible partner for you, they will not be bothered by the fact that you are trans; some people are just selfish pricks, and if someone doesn't want to date you because you're trans, it's their lost for missing out on a great person. You deserve to be someone who accepts you for who you are and will support you.

You don't have to come out as trans to everyone you meet obviously. You worry that you won't find a partner because you're trans, and that is a common fear. As a cisgender man myself, I cannot say that I fully understand it because I cannot experience that feeling. But to speak from my own personal experience. When I met my boyfriend for the first time through a mutual friend of mine (who is also trans), he told me the day that we met that he was trans. From that same conversation, we found out that we have a lot in common and became instant best friends; and through him, I learned more and more about his experience being trans. I can tell you that I love him and honestly, I don't really think about him being trans unless the topic comes up; you just see him as him; he's my boyfriend and that all that matters.

There are plenty people who are willing to date you and love you. And just like my boyfriend, sharing your experience with your partner is a great way for him to fully understand you and get to know you.

Best of luck to you!