Trans and gender rolls

The thing I also get upset about is I've seen things like where a trans woman will be very feminine and some people will go "Why are trans women always over the top wearing makeup and dresses? I'm a 'real woman' and I don't wear that stuff?" Ugh -__- So it's like ya can't win when you do one thing, can't win when you do another.

 

For real! I bet if I were to transition and dress like a butch lesbian, those same people would be like "You're not really trans!" Come on, just leave us alone. I won't be too over the top all the time, for economic reasons, I may end up having to keep most of my tops and just wear girl's jeans and shoes(and makeup). Am I not trans enough? I call bullshit.

 

Exactly! There's no such thing as 'not trans enough'.

 

:badgrin: My husband said that when he is ready to transition and live as a woman, he plans on wearing flannel and jeans, because growing up in the 60s and 70s, those are the clothes he always saw as "women's clothing." That's what all his female relatives wore! Depending on how far he transitions, no one may notice he has changed much, except perhaps his hair.

 

I mean I'm going to TRANSITION, so I will be a girl. It just may take a bit to replace my entire wardrobe is all. :lol:

I'll be girling my guys clothes up though. I find it's sometimes the way you wear it, not what gender it was intended for. If I'm wearing a guys flannel, leggings, knee high boots, a t-shirt, makeup and I look like a girl, will it really even be THAT obvious?...

 

My husband is a 6'1" big football lineman type with wall-like shoulders and a really rugged, masculine face. There's nothing he can do for his bone structure. People will never, ever mistake him for a CIS female. However, I'm 5'10", 160 pounds when skinny, large, long hands and big feet, big wrists and ankles, naturally have facial hair (which I currently pluck), with a face that could go either way. Having been mistaken for a trans woman before, I'm pretty sure if I ever decide to transition to male, no one would think twice about me being male.

 

I hate the idea of gender roles, plain and simple.

But it's hard to explain to people that have a black and white kind of mindset about that sort of thing that I don't "want to be a guy" in spite of not exhibiting many behaviors that are "appropriate" for a guy. I just happen to be a guy that doesn't fit into those roles neatly. The problem I have with being dfab doesn't come from wearing the dress, it's that the body under the dress makes me uncomfortable. It's like I'm wearing a stranger's skin.

 

Stupid people. It's obvious. They didn't have the opportunity all their life so they use it. Why would a person that had their legs back run? How irrational...

 

I think it's important to do what makes you happy or what suits you best. So long as you're comfortable, who can complain? Never feel obligated to live within the confines of a cookie-cutter role just for the sake of 'passing'. You'll get antsy.

I pass fine without makeup, but I look like a drag queen with it on. Gender is weird. :lol:

 

Same but opposite here I mean, I look like a drag queen in make-up :lol:

---------- Post added 6th Jan 2017 at 01:34 PM ----------

And like a crossdressed girl without it.

---------- Post added 6th Jan 2017 at 01:35 PM ----------

I basically look like a crossdresser, whichever way.

 

I'm lucky in that I have a softer face that's a bit more androgynous, so I should transition well. Looking in the mirror(which I hate) last night when I was shaving, I actually thought I'm starting to look like a girl with my hair getting longer and no beard...

 

When I saw your picture I felt reminded of Lauren Cohan. I think you have good chances of looking like her.

 

That. Would. Be. AMAZING!!!! I hope you're right!



Maybe I should work on the accent?

Passing privilege would be nice. One thing I really hate, are the non-passing women who hate on passing ones. Some of them really did get the short end, and even with effort will still have trouble. But some don't pass primarily because of a lack of effort.

You don't want to put in effort and "conform to society's gender roles?" Fine. Don't get butthurt about not passing.

 

Really I mean underneath all the politics and rhetorics and please pardon my bad English, but the problem is judgemental a******s. An anecdote that has absolutely nothing to do with gender comes to mind. One time in the Navy I was standing next to a coffee spill, and the only thing nearby to clean it up with was a set of coffee filters. So I picked up three of them and one at a time soaked up the coffee and put them in the trash, using the third one to dry. I got chewed out something fierce for doing that, for not leaving to a supply closet I didn't even know existed to retrieve a set of paper towels.

Trust me I'm getting to the point I think a lot about that incident though. It could have been, of course, that he just wanted to puff up his chest and abuse the privilege of his rank and I'd just given him an excuse. But I like to assume the best of people. And the best thing I can assume about him is, he is the sort who really just hates it when people don't do things according to some model of the world that exists in his head. There's a natural order to everything and a right and wrong that exists. Everything should be exactly the way he learned it, and if it's not that way, it's wrong.

So that's how I think jerks view the world. Whether it's true or not it's the nicest thing I can assume about them. They were taught at an early age that boys like girls, and you're one or the other for life. When they mention chromosomes, I have discovered talking to them a lot of the time they don't actually know what chromosomes are! They only know two karyotypes - XX and XY - and if you start talking about others that exist, or what happens when the SRY gene's on the second X chromosome, they'll tune you out. They won't let these new ideas in, because you see...

These new ideas, they're coffee filters.

You don't use a coffee filter to clean up a coffee spill.

You don't use the same hormones that realized your phenotype to begin with a second time to realize a different phenotype.

Okay, that one was wordy and nerdy. Let me try that again. You don't use hormones to change your sex.

---------- Post added 8th Jan 2017 at 08:12 PM ----------

And you can extend that to those of us that aren't physically transitioning. Maybe for them it's the idea that only two genders exist. Anything that wasn't there first, that didn't win that particular race. No evidence or reason is going to work here.

 

The whole point of the "breaking gender stereotypes" scene is to allow people to express themselves freely, whether they're very traditionally masculine/feminine or more unique. So in the same way that people shouldn't be criticised for breaking stereotypes, people shouldn't be criticised for fitting right into them. That's why I personally don't see a problem with being quite masculine myself, despite being a supporter of freedom of expression.

 

That's why I don't criticize anyone. Everyone should be free to express themselves in a way that's right for them - even if the stereotypes fit. :icon_wink

I just wish it was easier to explain that, although I can be feminine, I feel inherently male. And although I feel inherently male, I don't want to be pressured into "acting like one of the guys" or "manning up". I'm dealing with this issue currently, with being told I'm not "masculine" enough and that I have no reason to feel any gender distress. The thing that's really annoying is that I'm not stereotypically feminine, either. And at the end of the day, baking muffins with a crumble topping or painting watercolors aren't really women's activities for any reason except that they're not macho enough to be seen as men's activities.

 

The thing is that people always get masculinity and femininity confused with gender, i.e. male or female. It really isn't fair as there is more to gender than how you act, it's actually about how you feel internally. Keep on fighting that pressure because you have no obligation to be that masculine, even as a trans male. Besides, I'd take muffins and watercolour paintings any day, no matter the gender of the creator.