Hello everyone! So after years of lurking around secretly observing various LGBT platforms, and throwing myself into toxic hetero relationships, and wondering why it never felt "quite right" with men, or wondering why I just could not relate when my (straight) girl friends would talk about having mind blowing sex, or fun dates they have been on, or that cute guy they have been chatting with, or the fact that the majority of the time i was only able to have sex with guys after getting plastered and with the lights off (lol)... I'm rambling, I digress I am finally accepting it. Once upon a time I was convinced I had H-OCD, but from what I understand, that only happens when you're afraid of being/becoming gay, when there's no other evidence of actually being gay. Not when you have distinct memories of your middle-school self staying up late to watch Brooke Burke host that show on E! in her bikini. Amongst other indicators. So anyway, I am newly out (to myself), and am unclear on my orientation, have never even kissed a woman, have never fallen for a woman (I imagine I've had some pretty good subconscious defenses that have prevented that from happening) but I guess the first step is recognizing that certain feelings are present that have been neatly and tightly tucked away for a long time. I'm 29, by the way. Well anyway, it feels nice putting some things into writing, and I am looking forward to interacting with people I can relate to, since I don't know anyone IRL I can talk to.
Hiya pj sparkles! Big welcome to EC!!! I completely understand everything you just said and lots more members here will too. Keep talking, keep rambling, jun in our chats and have fun! We are here for all of it!
Welcome to EC! I remember somewhere hearing that the best way to know who you are, is to know who you certainly are not. So it sounds like you're on your way
Hi PJ, I can relate in a big way to most of what you said. I'm 28 and my relationship/dating life has never quite felt right, even though its been much more active than most people, it doesn't seem to have had the feelings others do. When people ask "did i fancy the girl I went out with" I find myself weighing it up based on which boxes they tick, as opposed to a gut instinct that comes from the heart. I don't think thats how most people do it. Anyway welcome, I hope you enjoy your personal journal!
Welcome pj! I can relate a lot to your story, I think I was roughly the same as you at some point in my life. I'm at a much better place now. If you want someone to talk to, you can always talk to me.
