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Feeling stagnant.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Natasha Elyssa, Jan 1, 2017.

  1. Natasha Elyssa

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    Lately life's been just plain and boring. I've tried taking this time to get college stuff started (which I somewhat did) and contemplate life and where to go from here. I turn 18 in a week, so that's a thing. But I feel bored and stagnant. I really got nothing to do with myself but sit and contemplate my existence and my future. I honestly hope both are good. But, I'm still. I feel like I'm doing nothing. Is this the quiet before the storm? I don't know. But, I do have some questions. How do I tell people to call me a preferred name if my legal name became a problem? Like, if I had to go to the bank or something. Like, what do I tell the person behind the counter when I give them a male name if I'm presenting female? Or if I had to use my legal in front of a friend or something? How do I deal with that? I also still have no clue what I'm going to do when I get to college. I do want to get my hair styled the first chance I get and probably dye it as well. But I don't know what else. Recon I'm going to have little to no support at first, so I don't know how I'm going to manage. I gotta figure it out. Probably just make it known that I'm Trans and go to the local LGBT center or something. I just want to start life as a female kind of quickly, although I know it doesn't work that way. I'm gonna have to figure it out, and fast, especially since I probably won't have much time to do anything. I hope I can get where I'm going before the semester starts too so that I don't have to worry about class right away. So it's less of a slap in the face, and more like a lane change. Plus, are there any good reads out there lately? Like article wise? I really want to reassure myself with some positive articles plus science stuff about being Trans. You know? I kinda want to know my facts, get to know transsexuality better and stuff. I feel like I've lost touch with the facts and developments of the T community. You get what I mean? I feel like I need to fact check myself and also catch up on what's new with Transsexuality. And I also want to know if there's been any advancement in transition stuff. And I kind of want to see evidence that this is real. That I'm not crazy, YouTube comments got me down and doubting again. And I need some positivity in my life right now. Man, I can't wait to be able to just wear a dress whenever I want to and not look like a wooly mammoth.


    Oh, and Happy New Years! :grin: ^-^
    :icon_wink :icon_bigg :kiss: :lol: :slight_smile: :icon_bigg (&&&) (!) :eusa_danc :smilewave (*hug*) ^♡^ <3
     
  2. AnguishXx

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    Presenting as your gender maintaining another name is possible: you will find uneducated people, but you could still fight for your rights. Keeping in mind that you are doing nothing wrong, and maybe educating some people when needed. The bank is a public service, so they can't send you away just because of their prejudices. If this happens, there is also the possibility to ask for legal help to LGBT anti-discrimination associations.

    And you're not crazy, neither you are alone. Transgender people exists and have the same human rights as anybody else.
    Reading positive articles, LGBT people viewpoint, friendly facebook pages or youtube channels, is something that really helps. But please, do not read youtube comments, they are so full of transphobia, hate speech... accepting people is out there too, but they do not post there. Just find them where they're safe :slight_smile:
     
  3. Dachs

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    I'm sorry you're feeling stagnant, that sucks. I hope things get more interesting for you soon, in a good way.

    You just do it. It's okay. You can deal with it. Yes, it's awkward and uncomfortable, but it only lasts a moment and the other person probably isn't that interested in remembering you as "that trans person" or "that person with the weird name". I find it helpful to remember that my gender is a bigger deal to me than to anybody else. With friends, well, so far for the ones who know my legal name I haven't even needed to remind them not to spread it around (they're my friends, they know what I want them to call me) but you could also just ask them briefly not to share your legal name if they find it out.

    For people like bank tellers, most of the time they probably won't say a word about it. They may well have seen trans customers before. Even if they haven't, they've definitely seen people with unusual names, foreign names, names which don't seem to match their appearance, names which don't even seem to be names.... They just want to spell your name right, not make quiz you about it. They are also in a customer service position: they have to be polite (not everyone is, but you can complain to their manager and hope the manager is helpful). Honestly, if a teller clocks you and mentions it then they'll probably be cluelessly supportive about it and want to show off how they are an ally (without realising how rude they are being). It will be annoying, but it's not that harmful and you can just ask them to focus on what you need them to do.

    The support available to you and the attitude of other people will vary a lot by where you are. However, know that in the first semester just about everyone is focused on making friends. Many will be too concerned with remembering your preferred name to ask about any other names you have. There may well be other trans people, and even if there aren't, there will probably be people who are accepting of trans people (with varying levels of education about trans issues) (no guarantee if you are going to a religious college, sorry). You can see if there is a student LGBT+ group and maybe icontact them before going to college to see what the environment is like and what support you will have.

    It will work out. You'll be okay.

    I don't know where to find good articles, sorry. If you find a source, please let me know! I guess the Williams Institute could be helpful, if you're interested in statistics. They recently published a massive survey of trans people which covered all sorts of topics. Anyway, here is what I have picked up; I am not saying any of these things are good or bad, just that I am seeing them happen.

    • Surgery-wise, there have been a couple minor improvements: vaginas for trans women can be constructed so that they self-lubricate, and masectomies for trans men no longer require drains (which are really gross) in every case.
    • We are a lot more visible now than we were even a couple years ago. Caitlin Jenner, Laverne Cox, the whole bathroom thing, increased visibility of all LGBT people following the legalisation of same-sex marriage.... Most everyone has heard of being transgender, and whether they understand it or not, many people want to be respectful.
    • Increasingly, the "born in the wrong body" narrative is falling by the wayside. If that narrative is a good way to explain who you are, great; but many people now dislike it.
    • The diagnosis associated with being trans used to be gender identity disorder. Now it's gender dysphoria, which emphasises that the problem is how your body causes you discomfort. But...
    • Increasingly, many people have the view that dysphoria is not necessary for being trans. If you identify as a different gender, that is enough, whether or not you have dysphoria. All these things tie into what I think is an increasing number of people identifying as nonbinary.
     
  4. Natasha Elyssa

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    Thanks for the kind words. ^-^ You two have been very helpful in making me feel better.

    The schools I'm applying to are mainly in California, with one in Massachusetts. I am not going to a religious college, especially since I know that I mostly likely won't have any support in a religious school. Plus there's no school that aligns with my religious beliefs (I have no known religion, but I say I'm of the church of cuddles, or that love is my religion all the time :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) and stuff. Someday I wish I can have the body of my dreams, and have it fully functional. I want to be able to lactate, have a fully working vagina, etcetera. I really hope this is possible for me, especially since I really want to be as close to a cis woman ad possible. Plus, wouldn't proving my identity be a problem? Like, I feel that people will think I'm trying to commit fraud or something. Like, people will think I'm trying to steal someone's identity or something. Eh, I guess I'm just paranoid. And I'll probably find lots of support where I'm going, do I'm probably just paranoid in that field too. Anyway, thanks you two. ^-^ <3
     
  5. AnguishXx

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    You're welcome!
    And I'll add this... If you were to steal another identity, presenting as female, maybe you would have chosen someone of the same gender... :slight_smile:
     
    #5 AnguishXx, Jan 2, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 2, 2017