How do I fight depression without friends, family, or a support system?

BBRudegyal · Dec 28, 2016

So I have depression and anxiety. I am in my early 20's and I am completely alone. My mother died when I was 11 from lupus and ever since then I have pretty much been cast aside and treated like trash. Now that I'm older and on my own I find it hard to cope still. I have recently been reaching put to people for help but all i have been met with is people being too busy for me, telling me i need therapy (I know and I do go but therapy alone cannot help you need support systems outside of that), saying I need to just focus on one thing, etc. All my life i have been alone while surrounded by others. After my mother died i went to live with my father and his new wife (she hated me because I was the love child and also she was pure evil) and my father did nothing good for me. He abused me, never helped me grieve through my mother's death, he laughed at me, never sent me to talk to someone about it, he made me prisoner in the house, beat me when I was acting out in school which was a cry for help after my mother died, made me do all of the house work, I was not able to laugh or smile, he constantly accused me of bring into boys when i was just a kid which made me hate my body(I didnt like boys!), everything I did was wrong, and me existing always made him upset. I was a visibly depressed child and no one cared. even when my mother was in the hospital for 9 months before she died he only took me twice because he said me crying was annoying and he didn't feel like it. I was teased and bullied as a kid but I did stand up for myself to to kids at school(i'm tall so they eventually backed off). I just wasn't able to stand up to my father until I was 13 and I fought back so he kicked me out at 13. After that I was placed all over at different homes where no one cared about me and I seemed to be in everyones way just by being alive. I thought that when I got older I would live on my own and everything would be fine. I was wrong. I never learned how to build real relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, all relationships), I never had a healthy coping mechanism, I've never had people who cared enough to ask me if I was ok. I can't finish anything I start. I feel like no matter how happy I am the sadness and emptiness is always stronger and comes back. I haven't had a hug in over two months and even the last hug was just a light conservative hug to someone I barely knew. I have been at home for 4 months since i lost my job. I leave the house for less than an hour a week these days. i am afraid because i am running out of money and I need to get back to work soon. I may end up homeless if i don't get a new job and since i have no one who cares about me i will definitely have no place to go. My depression and anxiety has now condemned me to my house making me so afraid to leave because no one cares about me out there. I don't feel confident enough to go into and interview to pretend that i'm happy. I don't think i can get through an interview without crying. Since losing my job I feel extra useless and without purpose. if I had friends, family, a support system then i wouldn't be in the house for 4 months alone. people would come check on me and if they care they would drag me out of the house and help me get back up again. Everyone is too busy for me. I don't know how to do this on my own. I Have been reaching out but no one cares. Everyone just wants me to stop posting on the internet about wanting to die because it makes them feel bad. They said its "triggering". They are ok with me having these feelings they just dont want to know. Basically they say if im going to kill myself just go without warning lol. Now that i stopped posting my feelings on fb everyone seems to be ok with that. As long as they don't see it then it doesn't exist. I'm so sad that I am so alone in life that what people on fb say matter to me. It shouldn't because it really doesn't it. Its just hard to be alive and not belong to anyone or anywhere. I spend all holidays alone. i spent thanksgiving, christmas, my birthday and will spend new years alone. I don't know what the big deal is if i die. why do people always encourage others to stay alive but don't want to help them to stay alive. like ok don't kill yourself thats cowardly but also when your feeling the feelings that make you feel like you want to die don't call me and tell me about because i am too busy for you. I spend most of my days in my room alone in the dark.

i dont know what was the purpose of this post. I am just tired and I really am ready to die

Redbud123 · Dec 28, 2016

People often have feelings like that when they feel without a purpose or a place in life.
It's really important to find a purpose or reason for your life, even if it's something small. A reason to get up in the morning.

If you can't find a reason, then you can make one. Look up things to do, things to see, make that your reason. Try writing about it in a journal, so you can remind yourself.

But the best solution I think, is to get out and do something for others. Volunteering helped me to find a purpose in my life when I was without a job and had no friends. I volunteered at habitat for humanity, and learned how to build houses and made some friends and acquaintances. Once you get your foot in the door, the possibilities really open up. Learn about the people around you. Ask them what they do in their free time. It might give you ideas of things to do, or maybe lead to another opportunity to make friends.

Since you live in or near New York City, I'd bet there are lots of kinds of volunteering you could do, and I would bet that most organizations wouldn't mind if you came in every day. It's a good way to feel good about yourself and feel like you have some purpose in your life.

P.S. One last tip. If you want to make a good friend to confide in, start SLOW. A lot of people will feel overwhelmed if confronted with another person's feelings or life issues all at once.
If you want them to be interested in YOU, act interested about THEM. People love talking about themselves, and when they say something about themselves that you can relate to, that's your perfect opportunity to say something about yourself. The key is to allow them to be an equal partner in the conversation.

campervankid · Dec 28, 2016

Hey, tough days huh?

I was brought up by a grandparent who died of a terminal illness a few years ago. It is really difficult when the person you rely on most for safety and acceptance dies because then its like "who do I belong with now then?"

Trust me when I say that I understand what it is like to face something as terrifying as this with no support system. It is scary knowing that you are the only person you have to rely on especially if you feel as though you are falling apart. All I can really say in this message though is that it can be done. I mean I almost cant believe where my head was at this time last year and even more so the year before - I was a mess and a huge one. I remember just thinking to myself that there was no way I would be able to fix myself because I had no idea how to.

The start of things getting better for me though was the realisation that if nobody is there to give us strength then we have to build our own. You may not have people close to you who care but there are people who care. People on here care. I care and I would send you some strength online if I could (and a hug because I think you need one).

Also spending so much time locking yourself away and bottling it all up doesn't help as I'm sure you know. Our minds seem to take us to the darkest places sometimes when left to their own devices. That is why sometimes we have to drag ourselves back out. Starting small is good, you know like just leaving the house a little more, going for a walk or going to the shops. Do something that requires motivation that you have been avoiding, isn't too big a task but that you know will make you feel better afterwards. For me it is always tidying up because I'm a it weird and if things look in order around me it makes my head feel a bit clearer.

I wont lie to you, I think these things are difficult, especially if e feel alone but they are by no means impossible. We just take them one step at a time and for me I found that with each step you get stronger. And even just by posting your message, it means you want help so are practically taking the first step already.

I don't really know what else to say in this message but I hope this helps a little - message me if you want to talk more. And remember, whatever you are feeling t=right now, this isn't forever.

BBRudegyal · Dec 28, 2016

Redbud123 said: ↑

People often have feelings like that when they feel without a purpose or a place in life.
It's really important to find a purpose or reason for your life, even if it's something small. A reason to get up in the morning.

If you can't find a reason, then you can make one. Look up things to do, things to see, make that your reason. Try writing about it in a journal, so you can remind yourself.

But the best solution I think, is to get out and do something for others. Volunteering helped me to find a purpose in my life when I was without a job and had no friends. I volunteered at habitat for humanity, and learned how to build houses and made some friends and acquaintances. Once you get your foot in the door, the possibilities really open up. Learn about the people around you. Ask them what they do in their free time. It might give you ideas of things to do, or maybe lead to another opportunity to make friends.

Since you live in or near New York City, I'd bet there are lots of kinds of volunteering you could do, and I would bet that most organizations wouldn't mind if you came in every day. It's a good way to feel good about yourself and feel like you have some purpose in your life.

P.S. One last tip. If you want to make a good friend to confide in, start SLOW. A lot of people will feel overwhelmed if confronted with another person's feelings or life issues all at once.
If you want them to be interested in YOU, act interested about THEM. People love talking about themselves, and when they say something about themselves that you can relate to, that's your perfect opportunity to say something about yourself. The key is to allow them to be an equal partner in the conversation.
Click to expand...

*************
Hey! Thank you for replying. i would love to go out and help other people. the problem is I feel so useless. i feel like i could only make things worse if I existed around anyone else. I just feel so dirty, and unloved, and unwanted. Since I grew up in such a harsh way I have always wanted to reach out and help others likes me but growing up everything I tried to do was rejected. If I tried to include myself in anything I was either made fun of, or hit, or just plain told I was and never will be good enough. I can try though.

Yeah, i do overshare sometimes when I feel comfortable with someone just because very few people make me feel comfortable. I will try to listen more. the problem is I have no friends so there is no one to listen to lol.

thanks for your advice

---------- Post added 28th Dec 2016 at 10:18 PM ----------

@CamperVanKid

Hey Thanks for replying!

Yes I do need a hug so bad so thank you for that. I am trying to get up and go out but I just am having trouble finding the strength. I just don't feel like I belong around other people anymore. I literally hit people up and reach out to them and I keep getting met with essentially I don't care. I don't know how else to get up and find strength to keep going. especially when no one will care if i do. I know i have to do it for me but how can i if i don't have the strength. I feel so broken and it was so hard for me to tell people I know in real life and then when i did they all just threw me out like trash.

---------- Post added 28th Dec 2016 at 10:19 PM ----------

campervankid said: ↑

Hey, tough days huh?

I was brought up by a grandparent who died of a terminal illness a few years ago. It is really difficult when the person you rely on most for safety and acceptance dies because then its like "who do I belong with now then?"

Trust me when I say that I understand what it is like to face something as terrifying as this with no support system. It is scary knowing that you are the only person you have to rely on especially if you feel as though you are falling apart. All I can really say in this message though is that it can be done. I mean I almost cant believe where my head was at this time last year and even more so the year before - I was a mess and a huge one. I remember just thinking to myself that there was no way I would be able to fix myself because I had no idea how to.

The start of things getting better for me though was the realisation that if nobody is there to give us strength then we have to build our own. You may not have people close to you who care but there are people who care. People on here care. I care and I would send you some strength online if I could (and a hug because I think you need one).

Also spending so much time locking yourself away and bottling it all up doesn't help as I'm sure you know. Our minds seem to take us to the darkest places sometimes when left to their own devices. That is why sometimes we have to drag ourselves back out. Starting small is good, you know like just leaving the house a little more, going for a walk or going to the shops. Do something that requires motivation that you have been avoiding, isn't too big a task but that you know will make you feel better afterwards. For me it is always tidying up because I'm a it weird and if things look in order around me it makes my head feel a bit clearer.

I wont lie to you, I think these things are difficult, especially if e feel alone but they are by no means impossible. We just take them one step at a time and for me I found that with each step you get stronger. And even just by posting your message, it means you want help so are practically taking the first step already.

I don't really know what else to say in this message but I hope this helps a little - message me if you want to talk more. And remember, whatever you are feeling t=right now, this isn't forever.
Click to expand...

********

Hey Thanks for replying!

Yes I do need a hug so bad so thank you for that. I am trying to get up and go out but I just am having trouble finding the strength. I just don't feel like I belong around other people anymore. I literally hit people up and reach out to them and I keep getting met with essentially I don't care. I don't know how else to get up and find strength to keep going. especially when no one will care if i do. I know i have to do it for me but how can i if i don't have the strength. I feel so broken and it was so hard for me to tell people I know in real life and then when i did they all just threw me out like trash.

How do I fight depression without friends, family, or a support system?

BBRudegyal
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campervankid
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BBRudegyal
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How do I fight depression without friends, family, or a support system?

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