I'm going through some thinking and some questions about dating in terms of my gender identity and I wonder if any of you can relate. My thoughts are all over the place so bear with me if they seem a bit jumbled. It's important to note that I only recently came out as gay and am just now separating so dating is new for me. Now I'm sorting through my gender identity, so this is all quite a lot of things to sort through. First how do I see myself and how do I want others to see me? I feel really jumbled in how I want others to view me in a dating situation. I'm interested in women but do I want to be seen as a masculine woman? Or is it necessary for me to feel even more in the middle. How can I find someone who recognises all my complicated feelings of my gender..? Like I need to acknowledge the male side of things, that's absolutely necessary. But I think it's inirtanr to note that, at least for now, my gender feels very queer and not strictly make or female. And I suppose part of the issue is that my feelings about my, um parts are quite important. Which in my case means I was born with female parts but I know that I'm worried to have a male body. But when dating someone, this seems like it can be quite complicated, because they'd need to see me innsine srbse as both male and female and be attracted to all of me just the way I am. And how do you even broach this subject in dating? How do I increase my odds of meeting people open to someone with such a complicated gender like mine, in the first place. I know that I personally don't care about the biological sex someone is born into, and I am attracted to women and gender queer folks, but couldn't care less about the parts someone has ... is that s rare perspective? Can I meet someone who would be open to me? ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 06:37 AM ---------- *i meant - more in the middle, or more as a guy... ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 06:38 AM ---------- *inportsnt to note ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 06:38 AM ---------- Important ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 06:39 AM ---------- *wired to have a male body ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 06:40 AM ---------- So many autocorrect mistakes, sorry!!
I don't think that's such a rare perspective, Master Barista. I have the same one, biological sex doesn't matter. Neither does gender really, in my case. I'm not really in a position to start dating, at the moment. There's steps I need to take first, before I can comfortably start. Once I am ready, I know it'll be difficult. A lot of people who are attracted to women, tend to not like a specific part. A part that I have, for the foreseeable future. SRS is a long way off, IF I ever even have it(I'm leaning towards not for various reasons). I have a love hate relationship with her, and I don't always like the way she functions. I will not use her to penetrate, at least I don't believe I ever will. I've never wanted to have sex like a guy normally would. Being a top and the one inserting, regardless of my partners sex/gender make up, freaks me out and I want no part of it. That leaves the actual sex acts I'm willing and able to perform somewhat limited, especially with another woman.
Cluster, I know what you mean, and I suppose that my issue is kind of the reverse but kind of the same. At this point I see myself as someone who has the body of a woman and so people who are attracted to me are likely attached to women, but I do not want to behave nor to be treated like a woman in intimate situations. I need to feel as if I have a functioning male part when I'm intimate, I don't want to use my biological parts when being intimate, if that makes any sense. I'm becoming more and more detached from that part of my body, and it make sure me feel happier and more in tune with myself to recognise the male part that I know I should have. I'm just not sure who is interested in someon who looks like me but who wants to be intimate in the way I want to be. I present myself pretty androgynously but I look like a woman, no matter how I dress or carry myself. ---------- Post added 28th Dec 2016 at 01:01 AM ---------- *not attached, *attracted*
There are people out there that don't see the gender, they see the personality. And that gives you the space to feel who you are and explore what feels right in terms of identity and reference. Not really got much more to add than that but rest assured the person that you should be with will respect whatever you feel and are.
Clustergazelle, have you considered using a strapon? I know a few trans AMAB people who feel comfortable penetrating with an object that isn't their actual body, and it feels more queer to them. Idk, just a suggestion. And there are more things you can do with women/vagina-havers that doesn't have to involve penetration. Humping is pretty great
This, pretty much. There are tons of people who are open to this kind of thing and another few that don't label themselves as such but find out to have no problem when in that situation. Sitting down and talking with them about it obviously takes some courage but there are plenty of other people who have to discuss certain things before starting a relationship so you're definitely not weirding others out when doing that. The lesbian community is (in my experience and depending who you are talking to) pretty open about this stuff in general..so you shouldn't worry too much.
i do know what your talking about Jedi. im pre everything, appear very male, yet im very female. how to get with a person who gets that, and if things work out, will be willing to go through all the steps of transition etc. because, hopefully i'll look a lot more female on the other side. but how to get someone who gets it.... (gets me)
That's exactly it. I need to feel like I have a vagina if we're being intimate, to be blunt. I need to be treated like a woman and behave like one too, and I need someone that will recognize the female parts that I was supposed to have. This is all the only reason I'm still considering having SRS. Maybe I need to to be able to be intimate with anyone? I have, and that would be very okay. It goes back to having to behave like a woman would, which a strap-on is definitely behaving like a woman.
Thanks cinis and Kal, that's what I'm hoping, that people are accepting and can see me for me. Part of my issue is that this is all new to me and I'm still learning about who I am. But there are things I know I need and I really want someone to be able to love me for who I really am. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 01:39 AM ---------- Lookingforme, if it means anything, I would totally be in a relationship with someone's in your position. I was for a while actually and I saw her for who she really is not based on the see she was born into. When you meet someone they will see who you are and any changes you go through will just be you coming more into yourself. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 01:41 AM ---------- Cluster - I have this one site I found when I was dating a trans woman and we used it to find creative ways to do a lot of things... we're not supposed to post links so I'm trying to think of how to guide you.... let me look it up and I'll find a few key words and I'll come back to this thread. ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 01:42 AM ---------- *not based on the sex she was born into
My ex dated me when I was in the more early stages of my transition. There are definitely people out there for sure, although it is quite the search. You need some time and luck! My current bf has been with me for a year and just truly loves me so much, he'd do anything for me. He's very respectful about making sure I'm comfortable during sex and even just in general. One thing to keep in mind though is that if you do date someone who is cis it is likely that sometimes they might mess up somehow. It's an unfortunate reality really but a cis person can never fully understand, they don't think of minor small things that to us would totally kill our mood for the day but in their mind they totally didn't see it as something bad. Communication is definitely key here because if you aren't honest about what upsets you, even if it may seem like it is a silly thing, they won't know that it hurts you.
I think that this is actually the true problem. The relationship can be a lot harder for both parties involved and some people just don't want to have to deal with that. It's worth it though.
this gives me hope Kayjay, thanks. Happy New Year.(*hug*) ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 10:47 AM ---------- thanks sweetie, and I think you'd be a fantastic person to spend time with. Happy New Year (*hug*)
This so much. Although my fiancee is getting much better, it was a struggle for a while. She is cis and knows nothing about transness besides what I've told her. I'm quite happy with her but if we ever broke up I would be heavily leaning towards looking to date a transgirl. There is definitely something appealing about dating someone who actually gets it without you having to explain it to them.
I've actually been thinking it might be nice to date another trans person. Cis people don't get it. Heck, I don't even get it half the time.
I always thought that too and I couldn't meet any trans folk who were keen on me lol. Turned out I met some cis people that like me before I met a trans person who did lol.
So would you, lookingforme happy new year to you too! ---------- Post added 1st Jan 2017 at 01:44 AM ---------- I sent this info on to cluster about this already...if anyone else is interested, let me know ---------- Post added 1st Jan 2017 at 01:51 AM ---------- I find it more comfortable in a lot of ways to date a trans person, I feel like I'm understood better and I can be myself straight away.
Barista- I also think we just have a connection with each other that's unique to trans people. Cis people just can never quite share it.
