Hello! I am gay and this Christmas, I am having dinner with my mother's side's family. I don't know if they are homophobic or not but I know that a lot of them are religious so I don't know if this will influence their views. I was wondering if you could please come up with more neutral words when talking about my future husband. It's just that they always ask me "do you have a girlfriend?" or "you will get a great wife one day". I want to stay true to myself by not saying that I want a wife but also not revealing my homosexuality because I don't want them to freak out. For example; husband --> partner (Btw my mum is cool about me being gay and my dad supports gay rights.) Thank you!
Get your mum involved and tell her how you'll feel. I've found that dealing with the extended family has become a lot easier with my parents in on the case. It seems like they're really able to manage conversations and steer things away from those sorts of topics if they appear on the horizon. Good luck!
Significant Other/S.O., Lover, Other Half, Companion. A few slightly more antiquated terms, consort, steady, main squeeze.
I'm only out to my parents and one sibling and even with them it's kind of awkward talking to them about it, so I always use "someone" "I'd like to date someone that...." "I'd never date someone that.." Or "the one that I marry.." "the person that I'm with"
are you currently in a relationship? In conversations I quite often just divert if people start asking if I like any guys or what sort of husband I would have. I either just change the subject completely or just say that I'm not sure about what they/them/that person will be like as I'm focussing on other things right now school/educations/career depending on what you're doing. You might actually find that they don't say that much about partners or relationships. I sometimes find because it is something that bothers me I can be hyper aware of the situation and making sure I use a gender neutral pronoun etc that I look for references and think they're making a big deal out of it when it's just a passing comment.
In my experience, when someone uses gender-neutral pronouns or other ambiguous language, it tends to draw attention. Unless the person is *completely* oblivious, it will likely make them question more. I'd go with noncommittal answers... 'I'm not really seeing anyone' or 'I'm focused on school'... And change the subject. I've never understood why being a relative seems to give people the social contract to dig into one's personal life.
Yeah, I agree with chip. Gender-neutral terms for one will likely draw suspicion and may give it away. And even if not, I don't think being dishonest is avoidable since they will use gendered language and may ask you thinks like "Oh, what's she like? Did she pick out a dress?" etc. Hope whatever you decide it goes well!!
My family is very homophobic so I tend to stick to half-truths. Them: Do you have a boyfriend? Me: No. It's not a lie and at this point I'm so tired of the question that I'm pretty sure it shows. Then, what Chip said: Change the subject. Talk about school or work or a hobby. Ask them what's new with them.
Like the rest, change the subject. Even if you are heterosexual, you dont have to tell everything of your private life
