Lesbians, would you date a bisexual girl?

I definitely don't hate on you for feeling like this Creativemind but I most definitely find it interesting. I have noticed that a lot of lesbians and gay men feel worse about being cheated on with the opposite sex than someone of the same sex which sounds interesting because as a bi woman I would feel a 100% worse if my partner cheated on me with someone of the same sex than someone of the opposite sex.

You say " If I'm cheated on for another woman, I get the pain of being cheated on, but nothing else. " but to me if I get cheated on with a man while in a lesbian relationship I wouldn't find it as offensive as being cheated on with a woman because I obviously can't compete with a guy, if that's a real penis that the other woman want I definitely cannot give her that, so there is no hard feeling in that sense that it's simply due to me not having the right parts or whatever. But if she cheats on me with a woman, someone I can technically compete with, then it's worse because it means that I , as a woman, wasn't enough, and I would be left wondering what the hell does this woman has that I don't have (obviously not male parts...) , what I did wrong and would be left feeling like I am the problem while if it was with a man I would be like " well, obviously I am not a guy so can't compete" if I make sense?

But maybe it is because I can't relate at all to everything you've said ? I don't cheat so I am not sure what the thought process of someone who does is, but I don't see lesbian relationship as the lesser one and straight sex as "real sex" or anything like that so I can't think of it as a reason to cheat if you are indeed bisexual (though I am sure that would be the case for some bi-curious women ).

Definitely interesting though to see that gay people feel more threatened by the opposite sex than their own.

 

I'm not saying bisexual women will cheat for men, and I think some lesbian women might cheat for other men (either because they are closeted, or homoflexible/kinsey 5). So if I dated a bi girl, I wouldn't stereotype her or automatically be insecure and suspicious. I would just feel differently about the action if it actually happened depending on the genders involved. Like I said, I was left for a man by a "curious/closeted lesbian" so my bias isn't toward actual bi women themselves, but my crappy insecurities toward hetero culture that I need to learn to get over.

Anyway, I can understand the reasoning why you would be more hurt by it being of another woman because you can give the girl that already. I do get that. I guess my insecurity comes from the heteronormativity I was taught. I grew up in a religious household that taught that sex was special and you should save it for a special someone, so when I was also told that "you're still a virgin if you sleep with women" it hurt a lot. Now, I don't believe sex needs to be saved for marriage or anything anymore, but I think the idea of feeling like I wasn't a real sex partner still became an obsessive insecurity. I have more insecurities over a penis because of some stupid fear that It's the real sex symbol and the real sexual encounter, sometimes crying myself to sleep because I couldn't supply girls with that (I'm not trans though).

Truthfully, I'd like to get over my insecurity because I don't want to seem rude or biphobic or anything? (I'm not, as I said It's not a dealbreaker). It just gives me a weirder reaction than thinking about my partner with another girl simply because I was taught that heterosexuality was always superior.

 

I always thought the thing with lesbians being more hurt about being cheated on with a guy thing was because of how many more straight girls there are and how many crushes one saw going out with straight guys and then finding someone that's into you in a much smaller dating pool and then that person leaves you for a boy again...but....the more you know...

I personally don't care about the gender or parts of the person my partner would hypothetically cheat with...it would hurt either way. Which is precisely why I'd never cheat on my partner.

 

First of all very excited to discover that at least one another person here is in to Homestuck, Cinis.

But back to the topic at hand:

I myself would definitely date a bisexual girl. I did spend quite a few years thinking I was one, before I realised that I wasn't actually attracted to men, I just thought I should be. I think from this experience, I saw it from the perspective of a bisexual person where you are seen as inherently untrustworthy because of your attraction to more than one gender, no matter how dedicated and loyal a person you are, and how special your relationships are to you.

I do understand Creativemind's perspective in that society largely trivialises lesbian relationships and female sexuality in general, so the thought of a girl leaving you for a man just feeds these existing biases and makes you feel as though you were always just the trial run. At the same time though, I think this assumption penalises bisexual girls without actually confronting the issue at hand. I'd say by expressing reluctance to enter in to a relationship with a bi or pansexual girl because she might leave you for a man only furthers the idea that being left for a man is somehow more significant than being left for a woman, and thus empowers compulsory heterosexuality just that much more.

It's just one big vicious cycle, isn't it.

 

I'd rather date a bi girl than a lesbian who says she wouldn't date a bi girl.

 

I am a questioning/bisexual girl who is honestly on this thread worried that I won't be able to explore my sexuality because of the negative bi-stereotypes!

Also I love your Hamilton everything! I am OBSESSED with Hamilton <3

 

Sure~. I really shouldn't limit my dating pool any further. o.o

 

Absolutely. The whole "You can't trust bi girls" is really stupid. I celebrate if I find out a girl isn't straight. Since I've never really been in a relationship, I am very open to any queer girl.

 

I assume you're talking to me, yes? xD Hamilton is the BEST

Honestly I would love to say you shouldn't be worried but there are some crazy people out there who are so insecure with themselves they feel the need to take down others with them. It's not your fault and whoever judges you for it isn't worth your time anyway.

 

Yes, of course! If we were both interested in each other why wouldn't I?

 

Yep! I don't get the whole stereotype with "cheating bi girls" - a lesbian can cheat on me with equal likelihood, tbh. But, I do get why one would feel more hurt if a bi girl were to cheat with a man than another girl.

 

I can kind of understand that to an extent, as the only person I've ever really dated for an extended period of time was bi-curious I suppose, ended up going back to men. (And not even good men at that, ouch. The "I converted you with the real thing" types.) Sucks to think that someone left you for the stereotypical straight type that claims they're "the real deal" or whatever.

It sort of feels like it "reinforces" the heteronormative stance that "it's not a real relationship" or "everyone will end up with a man eventually" I realize that's factually utter nonsense, but it still stings and gives them more fuel for their hatred. If the world were a little more advanced and there were no strongholds for ignorance, this would be a non-issue.

Thing is though, she wasn't even bi, she was straight. It's disheartening to find out you're dating a straight person, I'd imagine even more than straight folks who find out their crush is gay. Because you know then it just won't work. But a bi person dating you would actually be attracted so I don't get brushing off half of your already microscopic dating pool.

I'm a bit of an idiot at times though, I know I take things too personally. But I never say them out loud for fear of hurting them. So I bottle it up and rant on here. Probably best to not replicate my mistakes, I'd imagine there are more optimal methods of handing such stress.

 

Reading all of these nice responses is so reassuring. If I'm honest, I've always been wary of lesbians because of the many cases of them calling us "basically straight" and refusing to date us because we're also attracted to men. Really, I'm way more scared of biphobic lesbians than I am of biphobic straight guys. So it's nice to see so many kind words.

 

Yes I would. I see no reason not to.

 

To be fair... If a lesbian won't date a bisexual girl (or a gay man won't date a bi guy) just because they are bisexual... It's like, wow, you're no better than a homophobic straight person. Congratulations!

 

I totally understand CreativeMind's reasoning, but I would have no issue dating a bi girl. Maybe it bothers me less because I dated guys for several years?

 

Reading the replies in this thread makes me happy.

 

I've known many straight women who swore that they would "never, ever" be with a woman, and they are super Gay! I've known Gay people who swore on everything that they would "never, ever" be with someone of the opposite sex, and low and behold... They end up with someone of the opposite sex. All this had lead me to believe is that sexuality is fluid. Earlier this year I fell for a man. Yes, a man! Me, a Lesbian... And it took me by surprise, but it's the inside that really counts at the end of the day. He is no longer apart of my life, but ask me today about my sexuality, and not even I could easily utter the word "Lesbian"... Bisexuality is a real thing... I just think people need to be honest with themselves. That's why the "real" bisexuals get such a bad reputation. You have everyone and their grandmother calling themselves bisexual, but they know that they won't ever end up with someone of the same sex. It's just that they like sex.

So, I would date a bisexual... depending on certain things.

 

I know this was awhile ago, but I figured I'ld throw my opinion out there.

As a gay girl I would date a bisexual girl, because if she's into me, then she's into me. It's that simple. I'm no more afraid of being cheated on or dumped by the bi girl then I am the lesbian.