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Nervous about dating studs and butches

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tre, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. Tre

    Tre
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2016
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm mainly attracted to studs, butches and androgynous types. I'm also somewhat curious about feminine men, but that's another story. I'm nervous about dating studs and butches for several reasons.

    1. Plain old homophobia. Even though a lot of people kind of know I'm not completely straight, it's pretty abstract for them. Dating a gay looking girl will probably make it way too real for them and I'll get hit by all of their latent homophobia. If I date a femme at least they can kind of pretend we're just friends.

    2. Fitting the stereotype. I'm pretty femme looking. There's a stereotype that femmes date butches. I have pretended to be into more feminine types to avoid that stereotype. I also hate the idea of being seen as the "girl" in the relationship by other people. I've never truly felt comfortable being put into the "girl" category.

    3. Being pressured to date men. A lot of people like to ask femmes who date butches why they don't date men instead. I've already been pressured to date men. Doesn't help that I'm kind of curious about more feminine men.
     
  2. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    Hey there. As someone who only dates butch/nb/transmale...you'll be fine.

    Much to my surprise, I've discovered I'm femme, and I look nothing like a typical stereotyped femme. It took me a long time to accept that, because I'm not a girly girl. I'm my version of femme, and I've been lucky enough to find someone who likes my version. I have short hair, I rarely wear makeup, and I'm just learning how to be comfortable in dresses.

    I'm also genderfluid.

    Go with what feels right. It's your life. Live it your way.