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Parents want me to go to a christian counselor.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TanMan, Dec 1, 2016.

  1. Quantumreality

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    Hey TanMan,

    Could you hand them some literature, such as the PFLAG "Our Children" pamphlet (Our Children and tell them you'd like them to read it so that they can start to understand where you are coming from and that you'll be willing to talk to them again AFTER they've read it?

    Maybe you could also include some literature that refutes the biblical verses against homosexuality.

    Just a thought.
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    I'll echo what others have said: You are 22, and you don't need to go to a christian counselor if you don't want to.

    Conversion therapy and this kind of "counselling" can be extremely harmful to your mental health and well being. You can't change who you are, because being gay is natural and normal. Trying to force it is a really bad idea.

    Your parents seem to be in denial. However, judging by your posts, they aren't being aggressive towards you, and they probably think that this therapy would be the best thing for you. However, and unfortunately, they are wrong about this.The acceptance process for parents may take time, but they'll probably be more accepting of this over time.

    In my opinion, you are old enough to decide these things, and you shouldn't go to a counselor like this.

    Now, you could suggest a counselor that is fully accredited by a professional association, like Patrick said.

    Quoting:

     
  3. TanMan

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    Well, I just don't think I can do that now. I just personably feel like it's way to early for that. Maybe in a couple months, but right now they are still trying to wrap their heads around this, and they need time. I really like this idea, but they just need time I think before I start doing something like that. They still think that the people in talking to on here are feeding me BS. I never told them about this particular website, but the internet in general.
     
  4. Quantumreality

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    I understand, TanMan. Then it kinda sounds like you'll have to wait them out while they go through the grieving process - as Chiroptera just said.
     
  5. TanMan

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    Well I'm not doing it because they are forcing me. I understand that I'm 22 and I control my life. I guess I want to go to a Christian counselor who understands me and doesn't condem homosexuality. Just someone to talk to, like any other counselor/therapist. They tell me they only want me to go because of me and my faith, etc, but now I'm just thinking they want me to go to a conversion therapist. I still agreed to go, but if it is a conversion therapist in sent to, I will walk out. I'll be walking in there knowing that I'm gay, and walking out gay.

    And I completely understand what you're saying. They are in denial, and I get it. Being a Christian, and then having a son who is gay... must be very hard... they were always taught that being gay is a sin, and it's just something that learned. Hard to change that. That's why I'm giving them time.
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    Yes, i agree with you. You seem very rational about all of this, that's good.

    I'll just suggest again that you try searching for a therapist that is recognized by a professional association. That way, it is much more likely that it will be a good professional.
     
  7. FalconBlueSky00

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    Chiroptera make a good point about you getting involved with picking the person to talk to. While this has started out as your parents trying to change you, there is some opportunity here for you to pick a person that can help them come to understand how they are hurting you, and to help them accept that they can control who you are or how you were born. Good luck, it's a hard road but other people have been successful in slowly getting thier parents to come around.
     
  8. Chip

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    There are plenty of wonderful counselors who are Christian, but who are incredibly supportive and nonjudgmental with their LGBT clients. The key is finding a counselor that happens to be Christian, as opposed to a Christian counselor.

    One of my professors who, among other things, teaches counseling, is one of the most nonjudgmental, open minded, LGBT-supportive, and wise professors I've ever had. She also happens to be a Catholic. But you'd never know it if she didn't tell you. And a good therapist is exactly the same way.
     
  9. TanMan

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    Well, I'm doing this for my parents. Not really for me, because I know that i won't change. I'm not planning on changing who I am. It took years to accept that I'm gay, and I'm fully happy.

    I just want to make my parents happy, and idk, give them the last "hope" that I can change... just to know that they tried. They honestly think this "lifestyle" is a choice, but I'm sure they will eventually come around and accept me for being gay.

    Like I said earlier, if they want to send me to a conversion therapist, then I'll walk right out being proud as hell that I'm gay.

    Chip; I'm hoping they don't send me to someone who practices conversion therapy. And if they just do happen to make the wrong choice (for them) and get me an open minded therapist, I think that could be good for me. I always wanted to talk to someone about it, and hopefully it will be good.

    I'll keep you guys updated on all this. My parents love me unconditionally, but they just don't want a gay son because they still think it's a sin, and are worried about my salvation. I already told them I'm not worried because I love God with all my heart, and he loves me. Im sure they will have me one sometime in Janurary.

    Love all you people and thanks for all the help. This community has helped me love who I am.
     
  10. TheSeeker

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    Definitely choose your own counselor, possibly one that your parents can go to as well (if they're LGBT positive, it could be really good for your folks). But please, please be careful. I am one of those unlucky people that responses on this thread have talked about. I went to a "Christian Counselor" located by my parents, at age 15 when I figured out that I liked men. He put me straight back in the closet and cost me a full decade of my life that I could have been "out".

    I've been out for four years now and am dating a great guy that my parents love (they're pretty active in the LGBT community now actually... I am so proud of them). But that therapy was seriously the worst thing that could have happened to me at that point in my life. I'll never get that time back.

    Your parents will hopefully accept it in time, but you don't have to do this.