I'm getting ready for bed. It's my last night in my home that I have shared with my wife and children for 17 years. I move into my apartment tomorrow. I've been moving stuff and crying all day. Pack a little, cry a little, move some boxes, cry some more. I honestly thought that the coming out was going to be the real tough part. Each part of this journey is hard, but I was so focused for so long on other parts that I never gave any thought to this moving out part. It was all about accepting myself, then it was all about coming out. In many ways, tomorrow is a dream come true for me. I'm finally separating from my straight marriage, and taking the next step in my quest to live the rest of my life as an openly gay man. I hate how my dream coming true has to be tinged with a bitter edge, that my freedom comes at the cost of pain for my wife and children. I believe it will get better. It just sucks today.
I hear you, I'm gay, and I'm thinking of you. You have the support of so many people here on EC that can understand and empathize with what you are going through, but as you have said, it is a necessary hurdle to getting on with your life as a gay man and things will definitely get better. Take Care. Stay strong and proud!
Oh gosh, I just went through this myself. Very, very emotional and I was hysterical as I drove away. Are you and your ex going to remain friends?
Each stage of this process has its emotional challenges. Sometimes they spring up at the most unexpected times. I feel for you.
Thanks for sharing - it's always great to hear about such important milestones. I was called a selfish faggot too often in my marital home, so I was more eager to move out than you. No tears, no regrets. Today I'm so much happier. I have a BF I love, and I'm a proud gay dad. Things will get so much better once you start to discover and love yourself and find a man you truly love. When this happens you will know that you made the right choice. For now my friend you need a leap of faith. ride:
I was the opposite. I had focused so hard on the details of organising the move, I felt quite calm when I actually moved. I spent two months telling my therapist "I thought I would be either elated or devastated, but I'm neither. I can't make it out." Everyone told me I was coping really well. And then the numbness wore off and grief hit me hard. So if you are feeling the grief right from the start, it will be very hard initially, but try and take comfort from the fact that you are more in touch with your feelings than I was, and it is a very healthy reaction.
It does get better. Give yourself a break and time. It is hard separating that many years of "stuff". It helps to have several gay friends (or mentors) as you process this new life. I too am working through 30 years of stuff. You can do it.
