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Second female encounter left me feeling confused

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by caliwoman, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    35 married female (separated and divorcing) here. I've had one experience with a woman, which equated to rounding second base.

    I'm proud to say I'm still a girl virgin.

    The ladies have always been very hard for me to get over and have only been attracted to four women in my lifetime.

    I meet a 26 year old bisexual named Jane. Jane contacts me via a craigslist ad and sends me a Kik. I've never had a visceral reaction to a woman before, but her pictures are stunning and revealing. She's beautiful and built like a damn model.

    Her texts, however, are very sexual and lack any emotional sentiment. We text/message over the course of a few days and her pictures are very tempting. She's very, very sexy. She sends me many boob/butt/va-jay-jay pics and I actually look forward to them. Very quickly, though, it begins to tire. It's too sexual and I don't really know anything about her.

    We talk on the phone and her voice is sexy and sultry. I'm also very confused by her. She's seductive and gives me what I want to hear- which is my usual role- and I'm thrown by this. In bed, I'm very giving and can quickly deduce what my partner wants...in this scenario, with her having more experience, she's taking the lead and overtaking my usual default role. I'm unsure as to what role I play in this.

    Throughout the days we "talk," she begs me for provocative pics of my own to send her. I oblige as much as I can. I'm not a fan of va-jay-jay pics anyway.

    Last night, she tells me she needs me and is very horny. I talk to her, telling her I'm not really interested in losing my girl virginity tonight, so when she asks for a kiss, I find myself not wanting to turn this beautiful woman down.

    She's 5'5", probably 140 pounds, with a taut stomach and very nice butt. Her breasts are 36 DDD and even though she proclaims that they are real, I very much doubt that. I had showed some of her pics to my best friends and they (individually) said, "I'm not gay, but even I'd f-ck her." One of my closest friends takes a surprising interest in my love life and asks me many questions about her.

    We meet in a classy Walmart parking lot. I get out of my SUV and she gets out of her smart car. We hug, briefly. As we drive off, she tells me how beautiful I am and is happy to see me. She musses my hair and I rub her arm. We're here to make-out and I'm excited and nervous. The first time with a woman, I freaked out. I didn't want to duplicate that experience this time.

    She parks on the other side of the store and grabs my face. She plays with my hair and sticks her tongue down my throat. She's all over the place. She grabs my inner thigh and tries to pleasure me with her fingers, but I don't let her. She grabs my breasts and takes them out of my shirt and begins to kiss and suck. And it feels...okayyyyyyyyyyyyy.

    I'm not getting tingly or excited for her very much. It's mainly just the feeling of tongue and skin on me. Nothing else. And don't get me wrong, she's beautiful, but there is no emotional connection whatsoever.

    She pulls me close, holding my face in her hands and lowers my head to her breasts. She lied. They're obviously fake, but beautiful nonetheless. I've never kissed a breast before and as I'm doing it, I think, "Is this it?"

    She arches her chair all the way back and I assume she wants me to go down on her, but I don't. The most I can do is rub her inner thigh. She begins to lower her pants and says, "I thought you wanted to taste me?" and I reply, "I thought we were just going to make-out?"

    She puts a finger inside of herself and holds it to my lips. I probably grimace and make a face, barely sticking out my tongue. It's sooooo not my thing.

    We end the night as quickly as it began and I'm sure I wasn't what she wanted as far as being aggressive. I just wasn't into it. We hug goodbye and go home. Sitting with a roommate, I express to her that I hope to not ever hear from this woman again. Just as I say this, I receive a text message from her saying she feels guilty and that she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend again. I saw a pic of him as her phone lit up right as I exited her vehicle. Yet, I don't think that was true and it was an excuse to not see me again and rightfully so. We both weren't feeling the other.

    To her, I was probably this scared bicurious chick who wasn't going to put out. To me, she was aggressive like some of the men I've been with and wonder if she's only been with the three women she said she had been with.

    I drove away feeling empty, confused, and worn down. Shouldn't I have enjoyed this? The woman was and is beautiful. She's stunning, with a body I've never seen in real life before. Yet and still, it meant nothing. A hollow victory in only that I didn't freak out, push her away, or start a fight with her (like I do sometimes when I feel uncomfortable feelings).

    As I went to bed, I questioned my bisexuality and felt so, so disappointed.
     
  2. YeahpIdk

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    "We meet in a classy Walmart parking lot." Lolol. I'm so sorry. I am probably about to sound like a total asshole, but your same-sex interactions are just getting more and more insane. You should pitch this to an online pub to start a column. Is this women in California? I really want to move there. I'm getting freaked by your stories, though.

    Should you have felt more? Well, you barely know the person and she was automatically getting sexual. In a parked car. In a Walmart parking lot. Unless I was with someone I really liked and we did that for fun (not that it's my idea of fun), I'd be extremely turned off.
     
  3. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    LOL. This is it. This is my life.

    I was on another forum where the women said I should probably go for this, as it would boost my confidence and give me more experience. I want to wait for "The One" to lose my girl virginity and most have told me that I'm living a a fairy tale, thinking that way, and that it isn't realistic.

    I was hoping for sensual kissing, not this. Not whatever that was.
     
  4. Poppy43

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    What about meeting a woman for dates and fun like going to the pictures, meals out, days out etc?.Then you would hopefully be able to get to know them and see if you can build a connection with them. I think you sell yourself way short be geeting involved with these really unsuitable women.
    That women you met would have been better off with an escourt really.
     
  5. AuroraBorealis

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    I agree that you sell yourself short. Craiglist isn't really the place to meet a suitable partner to build an emotional connection with. If you want "the one" you have to dig places where someone wants the same thing as you do.
     
  6. YeahpIdk

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    I agree with poppy. If you want to meet a nice person who's not interested in automatically getting down, make it a priority to meet with people in normal date-like scenarios.

    The nice girl you care about and want to lose your "girl v-card" to is mostly likely not trying to get together in a parking lot late at night. Her sending you pictures of her vagina, no matter how hot, is the clue that the person is mainly looking for sex. It may boost your confidence for a moment, but wouldn't making out with someone you really like after going on a fun putting be way nicer than meeting up with some hot chick who sticks her hands in her pants and then on your mouth? (Laugh-vomit)

    Call me old-fashion, but I like my women to ask before they stick their fingers in my mouth.

    ---------- Post added 1st Dec 2016 at 12:58 AM ----------

    Ugh. No edit option!!
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Hey I'm sorry but that was a horrible situation. I don't think you should question your bisexuality because of that. I identify as gay and that doesn't mean I would have liked that. She was just using you for what she wanted.

    The right person is out there for you, don't give up.
     
  8. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    I've given OLD a try since May. I've had deep, sincere feelings for the first woman I've ever been physical with, but we no longer speak.

    I guess I'm frustrated. I wanted to experiment, but didn't want this. I love to kiss and wanted to have another experience so I could prove to myself I wouldn't freak out. I didn't freak out...but I didn't like it, either.

    It's the rare woman who takes my breath away and the feelings for a woman like that far surpass anything I've ever felt for a man.

    So, I got a little further, but didn't lose my girl virginity. I want that feeling of a deep, emotional connection. It's what I long for...I guess it's time to try something in person, rather than online? I've tried all of the sites and in nearly 7 months, only one viable option.

    I'll have to give something in person a try, but where do I go? A bar? Color me confused. I think that's what kinda irks me. My soon to be exhusband says I have it so easy. Do I? If he walks into a store and sees a woman, the odds are enormously in his favor that she'll be interested in his GENDER. LOL.

    If a woman stares at me, I don't assume it's sexual or romantic or even slight interest. I wonder if she's look at my purse, my outfit, being competitive, or just staring.

    It's funny, how things are now. My husband and I walked into Target last week and we both caught a woman staring in our general direction. After, we argued as to who she was staring at. My, how things have changed.

    Some of my friends and those in another forum say because I'm just getting out of a marriage, I need to screw around and experiment with a lot of different people to get an idea of what I want. They tell me that I just got out of a long marriage and now isn't the time to settle.

    The thing is, I do want a family and I want to experience a love/intimacy I've never felt before. Truth be told, I've been lonely for years and the marriage has been over for a while. I've struggled with these feelings for the past (nearly) two years.
    In those nearly two years, I've been heartbroken over a woman for most of the time. I'm ready to be happy, to be in love, to find a person I can grow with. My husband was not that.

    I want to be in love. And not the kind of mild love I had with men. Something I've never really had before and probably scares the crap outta me...but I want it, nonetheless.
     
  9. Poppy43

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  10. YeahpIdk

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    I totally disagree with people tell you to screw around. You're just getting out of a relationship. You're getting over that woman. You should probably be looking inward for acceptance instead of looking for it from others. First, it won't happen. You'll only find acceptance from yourself. Second, doing things with people you're not emotionally interested in will be empty. How can you validate feelings with people you don't have feelings for?

    I mean, I could meet someone who looks exactly like Ruby Rose tomorrow...bad example she's too hot and I'd definitely be into it.

    Maybe take a break. Or don't. Idk the right way to date. You'll either meet someone or you won't!
     
  11. Linkmaste

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    Oh wow I am so sorry that happened. Trust me, that would turn me off too and I'm completly lesbian.

    I am just fresh out of a marriage too and I understand what you're thinking and feeling. It's a strange place to be where you were over the marriage while everyone is still back four or five steps. But screwing around would be my last advice. Seriously, I think you need some emoitinal bond especially for your first time. I made that mistake before and it cost me dearly. Save your v card, maybe not for the one but for a woman who's worth it.

    Classy walmart parking lot-couldn't she take you to a Target lol?

    Aside that, you're totally justified for feeling that way. Like I said most females cant just hop into bed we need communication and interaction.
     
  12. BrookeVL

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    That would really turn me off too. Don't question your sexuality over it.
     
  13. Creativemind

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    See, this is why the whole "you need to experiment to know your sexuality" is bogus advice. A full on lesbian could have hated this experience, and does that make her somehow not gay? No. There's a lot more that goes on with sexual orientation besides "liking sex with anyone who is of this gender/genitals". No true straight woman enjoys sex with every single man on the planet, and It's the same for everyone else.
     
  14. dirtyshirt84

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    Hi Caliwoman

    I think this type of scenario would only work is both of you were up for it and you were only looking for sex...and it sounds like you want more than that. She sounds very forward.

    I've only been with 2 women and I had feelings for both of them. I'm not sure if a hook up type situation would work for me with a woman (it has with men) because of needing that emotional aspect too.

    I guess it is frustrating as you want to experience sex with a woman but you want it to be with someone that means something to you who like emotionally as well as sexually and it takes time to build that up. It will be worth waiting for though! :slight_smile:

    Would you consider going to any LGBT meet ups or maybe going out to a gay bar/club just to have fun and see what happens? Or get involved in some kind of LGBT friendly activity/sport (roller derby etc?). Probably making some gay friends might be a good way to meet girls?
     
  15. FoxSong

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    Yup, to be honest that just sounds... grim. Look, some people simply aren't cut out for the whole "no strings attached" culture. I've tried that with one woman as well and while it wasn't a bad experience it was very... flat. Honestly it felt about the same as sex with men used to. Sleeping with a woman I actually had a proper connection with on the other hand was really special - passionate and tender and everything else. Which proved to me I need emotional connection and trust to some degree to make the physical experience enjoyable.

    There's nothing wrong with needing more than just a warm body!
     
  16. Luana

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    I don't know how it happened for sure, but i found a woman on a dating site. We have not been physically intimate, but we are emotionally connected. She will take my girl virginity. (Which I am concerned about my inexperience, but our communications is strong, so I think we will be OK.) I'm older and know what I want in a personality for a mate and so does she. Our first couple of conversation were like job interviews. We had a couple of hiccups, which we talked through, and made compromises or not.
    I thought I would have to "experiment" to understand what I wanted but I do not. I was going to go to a bar and pickup someone the weekend I met her. I'm so glad I didn't...I used the attributes I want and went fishing on dating sites...I found her. I do wish I had experience with woman before going into this relationship, but I also believe it will be a special encounter. I told a friend the other day if I only sleep with one woman in my life does that still make me Gay? HaHa...
    So the advice is figure out what you want in a personality look for that and do not compromise your values, to validate you sexual feelings.
     
  17. caliwoman

    caliwoman Banned

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    Truer words as the ones I marked in huge bold print, have never been spoken. This, this and this. And you don't understand it unless you're married.

    I'm unsure how many conversations I've had where it boils down to me being on a different page (in the relationship) with my husband. He now says we are on different chapters. It is so very true and simple, but when we're in it...not so much.

     
  18. WanderingMind

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    I don't see why you should have enjoyed this. What you describe sounds like a nightmare. It doesn't matter how perfect a person's body is, if that person offers me nothing more than cheap porn-on-a-stick, I'm out. You've discovered you're not into people who think hook-ups in Walmart parking lots are the pinnacle of sexy... this doesn't mean you're not attracted to women.
     
    #18 WanderingMind, Dec 1, 2016
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2016
  19. beenthrdonetht

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    Wait til you meet a girl with a personality like you've never seen in real life before. I hope it happens soon. You are entitled to feel disappointed. Sorry for you. On the bright side, it also sounds like she realized (too late) "that was a mistake" and won't be compulsively texting you forever.
     
  20. canadian

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    This sounds awful.

    Here's what came to mind when you asked "shouldn't I enjoy this?" (Or something along those lines)

    Ask any straight woman if this would have been an enjoyable experience if this had happened with a man they met online. Sure, some may like getting unsolicited dick pictures and sexual text messages right off the bat, but I think many would consider it a turnoff. Also look at the parking lot incident: I don't know many straight women who would have enjoyed that with a man when they were expecting just to make-out (FYI- no judgement to anyone who WOULD have enjoyed this!)

    My point is, if a straight woman were to be turned off by this experience, it doesn't mean that she isn't straight or should question her "straightness". Trust me though, I do get that sexuality isn't clear-cut for everyone. I'm just figured it out myself and haven't lost my girl virginity either.

    This experience sounds awful and I'm sure I would be equally as disappointed as you, if it had happened to me. Fingers crossed that we each have great experiences with women who we care about one day :kiss: