1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Mixed Signals from my mom

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by warrior452, Nov 28, 2016.

  1. warrior452

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2016
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Fort Plain
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So, my mom and I had a lengthy conversation last night.

    She told me she was tired of me hiding. She said she felt like I'm being anti-social, and she thinks its because I don't want her and my dad involved in the details of my life right now. She said she wants to sit down and have a conversation and have it all out - everything on the table.

    It got really honest. She was pretty vulnerable with me too, and we talked about our relationships between myself, her, and my dad. She wanted to know what bothered me, and I got to voice my frustrations over my dad's homophobic comments for the first time ever, and I stood up for myself. I wasn't as clear or as specific as I probably should've been (she herself is still guilty of homophobic comments from time to time, but I feel like she's more open. She may feel that way, but if I were to come out, I think she would have a face for the gay community, and although she might not like it, she would be a lot more willing to maintain a relationship with me, and try and work things out between us, because she cares.) I just said something to the effect of, "I will grow up, and not attempt to act flamboyantly for attention, but I will never apologize for who I am, or walk on eggshells that my voice is too high, or I'm using my hands too much when I talk, or I'm wearing too much pink." She was very understanding, and cool with that statement, and that was the end of our conversation. I don't want to come out, and be completely wrong, and all hell break loose, but I do feel like she's become more and more open. What do you guys think?
     
  2. Linkmaste

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    330
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Ontario
    Parents are such funny things in regards to this. Some are totally cool and play it right, others are down right homophobic and then there's cases where they start off homophobic and when they realize it's their own child, suddebtly their perspective changes.

    I want to say your mom is slowly understanding how damaging it is that you're withdrawing because of their comments. It's so dramatic how a parent will change for their child.

    I think the progress of your mother trying to lay everything out is a very good sign. She recognized that something was wrong with you and wants to help you out to the best of her ability. She's not perfect but she's willing to try and if she's wiling to try, then you have ability perfect shot at coming out.

    But if you are not ready to come out, don't do it. You have to be ready. Not your mom not your friends not fucking Trump, you.

    You're not alone on this and whatever you decide we got your back.
     
  3. csm123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2009
    Messages:
    272
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lincs(UK)
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Well I honestly think that you came out to your mom without actually saying the gay word.She already knew that something was being hidden and wanted to talk,so basicly during the conversation you said about your fathers homophobic comments,you told her you would hopefully grow up without being too flamboyant then mentioning you are who you are,high voice and wearing to much pink!!

    Unless your mom is in deep denial or she has not thought about what you said she knows that you are gay.

    I think that it would be a good idea to start being a bit more open with her,maybe look for opportunities to include "gay" things into conversations with her,anything from the news or something on tv etc.By keeping her thinking about gay issues and you bringing it up now and then she will either get used to the idea or eventually ask you, just to confirm what she already knows.If she does ask I would either give her a confident yes or if you are not ready for that then instead of denying it just say something like"quite possibly but nothings certain yet".

    You have taken a bigger leap in your coming out than you really realise.Congratulations