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I like a girl and I'm a girl

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ashten, Nov 27, 2016.

  1. Ashten

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I have been best friends with a girl we will call her Avery (not her real name) for a long time. I have been feeling weird around her for about a year now (even when I was with my now ex boyfriend). She and I hold hands, hug, tell each other everything, cuddle, and say I love you sometimes. I don't know if what I'm feeling is a crush or not.
    When I see her I get really excited and I always want to be around her. A couple of people have wondered if there is something between us. She is so pretty, funny, and a wonderful person. I want to be with her but I'm scared that when if I tell her she won't want to be friends. I am also scared her dad won't like me dating her.
    I don't know if i'm straight or not. I have always had crushes on guys and dated a lot of guys but there has always been a small part of me that seemed to like girls since I was in the fifth grade. I'm so confused and if anyone could help me figure this I would be thankful:confused:.
     
  2. YeahpIdk

    Regular Member

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    Hey Ashten :slight_smile:

    It's okay to be questioning. I did for quite awhile! I always dated and had crushes on guys, too. Then when I became "friends" with a girl in college, I fell for her really hard and realized I was definitely not straight. I also knew I had a little something for girls throughout my life, but I couldn't place it specifically as romantic or physical.

    I came on here a few months after she and I had a falling out. Being here really helped me figure out what I was feeling, so you're in the right spot!

    You'll figure it out eventually. A good indicator that you're not straight is that you're here asking about it, lol. But that still doesn't mean anything, you could just be questioning or liking this one particular person.

    Do your feelings feel like friendly feelings? I knew I had a major crush on my person when I realized mine were definitely not matching the usual relaxed friendship vibe.
     
  3. Renegades

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hello, and welcome to EC! This is a very familiar situation to me, so I hope I can help. Before you try the whole dating other girl thing, figuring out yourself should be a focus. Think, imagine yourself in the future. You are getting married to someone you are deeply in love with. Can you see it being a woman? A man? Either or? Also, do some research with experts. Though you will find many here, use about.com. There is a section purely for LGBT education for both teens and adults.

    And based off of personal experience, can you see yourself kissing another girl? Do you get butterflies and a skyrocketing pulse around her? That is a pretty good indicator. Do you feel like you could fly when you are around her? When you and her with other people and you laugh at like a joke or something, is she the first person you look at? If yes, this is probably a crush.

    And dating wise, before jumping into asking her out, first try finding out is she is even queer. If she is homophobic and her parents and family really aren't that is a hint that she might not be straight. If you aren't sure, mention something or someone related to the LGBT community. Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen Page, and Neil Patrick Harris are very popular LGBT people. Mention one of them casually in a conversation that fits, and watch her face, her reaction. And if all else fails, just ask. It will probably be awkward no matter what the answer, but that is life. It would be better to ask if she is queer instead of finding out the hard way after asking her out. Maybe it changes your friendship, maybe it doesn't.

    Sorry if this is a lot, I'm in a chatty mood.
     
  4. Shadow32

    Regular Member

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    Hi Ashten
    It is a relief to read your post as I feel that I am in the exact same position and I have been feeling pretty lonely. SkyGirl your post was interesting-
    Until about a year ago (when I fell in love with a girl) I'd always thought I was straight. I have even been engaged in the past but sadly (or luckily, who knows?) he broke it off. So I don't know how to answer that question because my vision is clouded by society's expectations and judgements.

    Shadow
     
  5. Renegades

    Regular Member

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    I totally get that, Shadow. I thought I was straight until I developed a strong infatuation for this girl. Granted, that was in 7th grade when I started puberty, but I didn't anything about the LGBT+ community and always thought I would grow up, marry a man, and have some kids with him. I saw myself marrying a man even though I had never had a real crush on anyone male.

    Another helpful thing I thought of after first posting, was to look back on your younger years, before puberty. At the people you thought were really cool, the ones you wanted to really get to know, and be with all the time. There's a good chance that was a crush, even if you didn't know it at the time. I remember my first crush was preschool. I actually had two about the same time, one on a young teacher and a girl named Jasmine that I always played with.

    I hope some of this can help both of you.
     
  6. WinterIsComing

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
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    I would say you have feelings for her but that doesn't mean you need to label yourself with anything. How do you think she feels about you?
     
  7. SkylarRain

    Full Member

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    You don't need a label, you can just be attracted to her, doesn't make the crush any less valid. But you you do feel like you need a label, then think about it for a while. Think about what you have been attracted to in the past, your relationship and attraction to this girl now and how you see yourself in the future.