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Nervous about posting

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by HannahM, Nov 26, 2016.

  1. HannahM

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    I've been lurking for a while, but in spite of my nerves about posting, I thought I should say hello. Why nervous? Because it gives more weight to what I'm feeling, making it more real!

    I'm in my 50s and although I'm just now starting to acknowledge feelings I've had for most of my life. I've only dated men but have been more attracted to women for as long as I can remember. I've never acted on these feelings though, and have managed to stuff them pretty good. Now that I've acknowledged them, they're stronger than ever - and that scares me.

    I'm not ready to label myself as a 'lesbian' yet and I know labels aren't really necessary, but I think I've finally come to terms with the idea that I'm not 'straight' either. I suppose I've known this for quite some time, but just couldn't allow myself to give credence to my thoughts, feelings, desires, etc.
     
  2. looking for me

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    welcome hun. plenty of us have walked a similar path and know what you're talking about. lots of good people here.
     
  3. HannahM

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    Hi Sarah, thanks for saying hello. From what I've seen, it looks like a lot of supportive people here. :slight_smile:
     
  4. RosePetals76

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    Welcome to EC. It takes a lot to come to terms with feelings that have been suppressed for so long. Good luck on your journey. There are so many here to support you.
     
  5. HannahM

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    Thank you!
     
  6. TreeTurtle137

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    HannahM, congratulations for having the courage to explore this far. I remember being beyond petrified when coming out. Now I look back and think wow, it didn't need to be that hard. I hope you enjoy this phase of your life and find support from those around you. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Really

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    Hi TreeTurtle,

    Could you talk a little about your petrified coming out and how you'd do it differently, knowing what you know now? Were you an adult when you came out? Or closer to your teenage years?

    Sorry to hijack your thread HannahM. This struck me as something that could be very helpful.
     
  8. I'm gay

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    Hi Hannah,

    You are among supportive people here. (*hug*) I lurked for a while too, until I felt ready to talk and share my story. I'm just a few years younger than you. I too grew up in the same time period as you, and I knew I had attraction to the boys, only I also knew I wasn't supposed to. So I stuffed my feelings down and denied my true sexuality to myself for decades. Deep down I have always known.

    My story is here if you want to read it: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/219546-coming-out-47-a.html

    There are multiple ways to seek support in helping you figure yourself out. One way is therapy, and another is online, such as EC here. You can work on finding acceptance with yourself and what to do then. The best way is for you to talk, and talk about your story, and your attractions, your fears and your joys. The more you read on this site, and write to all of us, the better we all share.

    So, keeping posting with us, and let's take this journey together!

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  9. Patrick7269

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    HannahM,

    Congratulations on your bravery to put into words what you're feeling. I think it's so essential to do, yet so hard, when we become aware of being different.

    In my opinion we tend to drastically over-simplify sexual and romantic orientation (at least in the US) - and then we make taboo or even demonize those who are different. This can bring pain, since the whole notion of either/or, binary orientation is so unreal to begin with. I'm positive that like most natural phenomena, sexual orientation follows a bell curve. You're simply (though perhaps it feels weird and painful) seeing that you are not a label. In fact you're much more special and too exquisite for labels.

    If you're religious, I would invite you to pray and go inward spiritually while also finding a supportive congregation or faith community, perhaps online to start.

    If you're not religious, I would find that same supportive community - you've already taken a huge step here. Continue to post, explore without self-judgment, and above all - love yourself.

    *warm hugs of encouragement*

    Patrick
    Seattle, WA
     
  10. LostInDaydreams

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    Welcome to EC! I hope you find it supportive and helpful! Keep posting! :slight_smile:
     
  11. findingjoy

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    Hi and welcome! When I first came here six months ago, my hands trembled as I typed that I thought I might be gay....

    and you're right acknowledging those feelings can unleash a tsunami of emotion which can be a little scary! but lots of people here have been through it and I found it comforting and affirming to realize I was not alone, and neither are you :slight_smile:
     
  12. HannahM

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    Thank you everybody for your kind words of support! It helps so much knowing I'm not alone and that I have a safe place to talk about this.

    Really, no apology necessary! I'm nowhere near coming out yet, but it helps to know how other people have gone about it.

    I'mGay, I read your story. It sounds like you struggled for quite a while with this too. I can't imagine what it's like to be married and have to go through what you're going through. But, what a blessing to have such a kind and understanding spouse. I hope things continue to go well and your kids are understanding as well.

    I could definitely identify with the denial part, but I kinda went the opposite route as you. I've never been married but have had failed relationship after failed relationship. In looking back, I think I may have been hoping I would develop the type of feelings for men that I have for women. It never happened.

    Patrick, I'm looking around for a church where I feel comfortable. I have a list of a few in the area that I'm going to take a look at. I'm more spiritual than, and if there's ever a time in my life when I needed some spiritual help, this is it!

    findingjoy, tsunami! That's the word. That's exactly the word!! Thank you for that. It helps knowing I'm not the only one.
     
  13. DeadPoolUK

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    Hi HannahM,

    I know how you feel. I turned 43 this year and suddenly found myself curious about guys. I can't recall more than a few times I thought about guys in the years prior, but it was never more than intellectual curiousity of understanding. In such, I would wonder what it would be like to kiss a guy, date a guy and more.

    This all came as a bit of a shock, from idle thoughts about what guys or women see in each other, to suddenly fantasising about guys.

    Being a very open minded guy, I'm very lucky to have a couple of friends I could mention this to, one straight and one lesbian. The latter proved far more helpful as even the most innocent of conversations woulld lead to personal revelations about my identity.

    I can't honestly say I'm I am Bi ( i think I am bi sex/bi-rom ) but I may well be gay. One thing I can say for certain is that talking with other LGBTQ people has helped me relax and feel more comfortable with myself, and that even if I am late to the revelation, lI am more me now than i ever have been.

    Good luck and I offer free virtual hugs as needed :slight_smile:
     
  14. TreeTurtle137

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    Really,

    I was petrified of coming out...including uncertain about what I was (bi or lesbian). But the support I found in the LBGT community was just amazing. I joined coming out groups and met a lot of people and learned a lot. This gave me tremendous strength. This is mostly what I'm referring to. I would strongly encourage anyone who is contemplating that they're not totally straight to connect with likeminded people. I never even imagined this would help as much as it did.

    :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 29th Nov 2016 at 02:38 PM ----------

    What the community helped me do is create a shift in my mind, from I'm ashamed of who I might be, to I'm now part of an amazing community. I'd also been lonely for many years coming up to that decision so I think that contributed to this sense.

    By the way, I'm not saying coming out is easy. Many aspects were still challenging, but this support changed everything for me.