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A terrible outcome

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dwightc, Nov 24, 2016.

  1. I'm gay

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    Hi Dwight,

    You've had a very difficult few days. It's understandable and normal for you to feel like you will never have anyone close to you in your life after being rejected by your parents. Please do know that this is your fear talking and not your rational mind. Of course you will find people in your life who care about you, and it's right that you should.

    You should not try to go through this alone. You need the support of others - we all do - as we are social creatures who need to share our lives with others.

    I wrote to you last time about step 1 - shelter. Hopefully you've found some shelter in the last two days. If not, it is your first priority. After you are in a safe place and can begin making plans for your future, that's when I strongly suggest that you find support in the LGBT community.

    I'm not sure what you mean by you walked in, then walked right out. Where was this? Why did you walk right out? Were you scared of talking to anyone there?

    The resources are there for you, but only you can take advantage of them. You are going to have to be brave enough to ask for help. If one place isn't helpful, try another.

    Please keep letting us know how you're doing.
     
  2. dwightc

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    Baby steps, baby steps. I'm trying not to be too hasty.

    Maybe you the strong ones, but I've never been social like that, and especially at work, its hard for me to even look at another person, I get so wrapped up in myself that turn into this blind robot, who if anyone approaches me, I'd just walk right passed you.

    Did I mention here that I am also bipolar? If not, that would be a good thing to include.



    No, not find any, but I heard a bell at the grocery store yesterday, and sign that said Salvation Army.


    Yeah I was afraid, afraid of being rejected and not important enough, then I saw all the other people, and thought, this is too much for me! And left. Hardly a passing thought in my mind to go back, until a while later. I'll try again.
     
  3. Alexrocks1253

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    I'm so sorry that this is happening. Why do your parents feel like they can still control you when you're 21? Is there college or something that they're holding you by?
     
  4. dwightc

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    No, but now that you mention college, my mother tries to pin her student loan in me.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    Dwight,

    If you haven't found shelter, where are you sleeping?

    We can work on the other issues later, but sleeping on the streets or in doorways, parks etc. isn't a solution that's good for you. Homelessness is not only detrimental to your health, but it's hard to keep a job when you can't bathe regularly.

    Are you able to get to the shelter I listed earlier?
     
  6. dwightc

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    Yes I'm on the streets, but I usually try to find a secluded alleyway to sleep in. I have this big jacket I snagged that's kinda warm without that bone-chilling wind. I still have to walk there, to any place, and its like 10 miles away, I'm pretty far from it. I can't do all that walking at once, especially with my feet.
    I have bad feet, surgery on them in 2006, foot corrective surgery, the are metallic rods in my ankles to "fill in the spaces" in my ankles, due to flat-fooded-ness. So, standing or walking/running for long periods of time make my feet hurt with sharp pains.

    I work in a warehouse, showering isn't a requirement working here, so I'm good for the time being. (Not saying, I prefer not to shower, but in this time, I'm okay).
     
  7. Alexrocks1253

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    Aww. I'm so sorry. (*hug*)
     
  8. Eveline

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    Please don't blame yourself for how your parents reacted, coming out to them was brave and their response was shameful and disgusting. You deserve so much better and I'm glad you are finding the inner strength to begin the process of moving forward and building up a life for yourself.

    I know that during the tougher periods of my life I found the strength to cope by understanding that my experirlences are a story. Something to remember and tell others when things are a bit better, after it all ends, after I find peace, these memories will help me appreciate the life that I created for myself, the journey I've been through and the experiences that shaped my life to be what it is.

    I can't imagine how hard the last few weeks have been for you, I hope that things will get better soon, that time will pass and you will be able to find a way to survive and build a life for yourself. You are in my thoughts. (*hug*)
     
  9. EvaDream

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    How ya doing Dwight?

    I'm over here in Sydney, Australia, thinkin about you.
     
  10. Linkmaste

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    Jesus this makes me want to be thankful I was never thrown out of my house.

    Police were stupid for what they had done. I would have at least droven you to a lgbtq friendly shelter. Prehaps got you in touch with a councilor.

    Imgay is going at this the right way. First shelter is a must. Make it your workplace or maybe pay a gym membership for the day to get access to a shower. Some go for 10 dollars. Sure I don't think you need the exercise but the access to water, a place to store things and the shower make it worth it plus it's warm in there.

    I wish I could take you in myself but I'm hardly on my feet plus I'm in another country. I can only ask you stay in touch here on this site.
     
  11. dwightc

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    Not good, what a restless night only to wake up to see my battery is about to die on me. under 5% now. When I left that place, I didn't grab a thing on the way out. Call it a stroke of luck my phone was still in my pocket. Better make this a last good post. I'm surprised this data hasn't been cut off yet.
    Well, it was nice talking to you all, I hope I can keep this bare strength up, its not much at the moment, but its doing a little something right now. Thanks for the kind words too.
     
  12. Totesgaybrah

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    A gym membership is a good idea since you can bathe and have a place to keep some things.

    Dwight, Is there anything we can do to help you at all?
    I know you probably don't want to go back to your house but if you did you could get some of your belongings. You could get a Cop(I know you had a bad experience with them but they are not all bad) or someone to escort you there to get your things.
    If I was closer I would escort you myself.
    As you know, where you are is cold as hell in the winter, do you have an idea of what to do in this situation?
     
  13. I'm gay

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    Dwight,

    Do your parents know that you are sleeping on the streets? You might just check in with them. They may be very worried about you and willing to help you. I'm not suggesting that you agree to conversion therapy, or that you be willing to put up with any harassment, but you should at least check in with them and let them know what's going on. You also have a right to your possessions, so you should be able to get them, even if you need police assistance to get your belongings.

    Please, Dwight, you can't do this alone. You've told us that you have no one in your life who can help you, so you're going to have to help yourself. I would suggest that you call your parents and see if they will let you get your things.
     
  14. EvaDream

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    Hang in there, Dwight.

    Keeping your phone charged seems pretty important. Is there a way you can get that done? Find a time you're off work and your parents are out? Or get desperate enough to try the GLBT centre again?
     
  15. dwightc

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    I completely forgot about the mf library! After my phone died I thought all was gone!

    No! I'm good...

    Well, kind words helped, I'm still here aren't I? And last time I checked, I am a very suicidal person.


    And carry all the stuff where? No, I do not want to go back there, at least not now. Its not worth going (how should I say this shit...?) "Back to Silent Hill". Okay?

    Yeah! I know its cold as a MF'er here, yesterday, another example, but that's what I have to do right? Its a consequence for my actions.

    Of course they know! And do they care?! Hell fucking no! You don't think I tried calling, texting them sometime this time? Yeah its already been done, and said. QUOTE "Its your choice." "You chose this path, now you suffer the consequence that comes with it." END QUOTE.

    Okay, now do you get it?!

    HA! Don't make me laugh, right now this hurts. :frowning2:


    Please just stop with the word: "police" right now. Please.

    Oh, but I've been doing everything alone all this time, and if I don't make it, well then my wish of killing myself will finally come true. I'm just saying, I want to see how long I last. I super was not ready for this, and when hit unexpected like this, I am pretty damn stunted, HARD. And trapped in a nutshell that has such a superior exterior. Hard to crack.

    Beforehand, I was NOT fond of talking to anyone but my parents, but now...
    Gotta get to work, guys, no time for love.

    I know you may feel like your kind words are hitting a wall, but its not, okay! Please understand that.
     
  16. Totesgaybrah

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    Well Dwight, I truly wish you the best of luck in this shit show called life. You are strong, stay strong, sometimes a little bit of hate is what it takes to get through tough times. If you keep going you will get through this and be a stronger person for it.
    Good luck man we are thinking about you here at EC.
     
  17. dwightc

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    See, now I've disappointing you guys too. :frowning2: You've wanted me to get a gym membership and I declined. Don't be sorry, people, your words mean a lot, I'm the one who should be sorry for this exterior nutshell of mine not being cracked yet.
    But you guys DO understand this part, right? Being:

    Hopefully something will trigger the breaking point of me, apparently sleeping in the cold every night is starting to get old...
     
  18. EvaDream

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    Hope you're finding a way to keep clean. And eating the occasional piece of fruit. :slight_smile:

    And I hope you don't rule out those community centres/ human services completely. I used to have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about educational institutions. A couple of years ago, I was in a fix where an injury meant I had to retrain. I approached the community college three times in a fortnight and just couldn't enrol. Twice I headed home in tears (embarrassing, I know). I really feared being treated like an idiot. It's a hang up I have despite having some intelligence. It wasn't rational, but it was powerful. I actually missed enrolment and had to try again when they repeated the course 6mths later! Eventually, I did it. The admin staff weren't exactly friendly, but the teacher I had to talk to before enrolment was. Maybe that was lucky, but maybe I would have coped either way. The thing is, I'd avoided further education for YEARS cause I just couldn't get over that initial hump. But I needed it, so I just kept going back till it got done.

    Anyway, just something to think about.

    Glad you remembered the library. A good source of wi-fi, computers, and water. I use mine a lot, too.

    Stay warm!
     
  19. Linkmaste

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    Okay you have a place to shelter a bit in the library-that's good. You got water that's better. We were really worried about you.

    No gym that's okay. I'm glad you were honest about it.

    Were still here if you need us. Please keep updates as much as you can.
     
  20. dwightc

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    I don't call the library a "shelter". I can only be here for about an hour (2 hours if I'm lucky) before heading to work the entire day, then I go back out there, because I don't get off until 11:00 p.m. and the library closes at 9:00 p.m.
    So, my time here is extremely limited.

    Let me tell you something off the edge a little, (it may or may not had an effect on me, but whatever):

    I dunno why, but after (for some reason) finally watching Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV
    movie, I started to accept myself more. See, I was so afraid of my inner feelings back then, when I felt an attractive to something else, I've always tried my best to ignore it, and feel nothing. But, well, you know, you see one sexy man (*cough* Nyx Ulric *cough*), and it changes everything! HIGHLIGHT: But then I realized he might not have been gay, and thought otherwise... ugh! I hate twisty turns!! But the little white girl with the blonde hair wasn't marrying him, or showed any type of affection or movement on him, so, I might be fucking lucky! Oh, listen to me, I realize what I'm referring too! Such an idiot.

    So, that was a benefit on myself there. I guess some good news to spread, if you could call it that. I'm trying too.