1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A terrible outcome

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dwightc, Nov 24, 2016.

  1. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    2 weeks passed now, they were wanting me to go to conversion therapy, anything they could do to "rid" this gay from me. I told me then no, there's nothing wrong with me; then things went south, almost, fairly quickly.
    First my mom asked:
    Before I could answer: she added that,
    my dad then said:
    Then he said that he wanted grandkids and all that, I simply said: I can still have kids, then he immediately said: "Not no adopted ones!"

    After these few banters I knew where this was leading so I just told them that, this is who I am and there's no changing me, and tried to walk off away from them, but then my dad yelled back at me: "There will be no faggots living in my house!" And then he started to grab me and toss me down the stairs, but I resisted, not really trying to fight back, but to get away from him, but it didn't go too well, he eventually got me down the stairs by pushing me mid way down the stairs, then dragging me to the front door, but as I continued to resist and (now) fight back, he then told my mom to "call the cops" eventually letting me go next to the front door, and going back up stairs to my room and start throwing all my things out, at this point I had no words left to say, I just sat there next to the front door listening to him shout profanity and names at me from above. After a moment I couldn't take it anymore and left the house of my own, I just walked off without saying a word or grabbing a thing, I just left, now I'm outside in the fucking freezing cold lost and afraid and torn more than ever. I see no bright side of this.

    Now things have gotten real. :frowning2:
    I'm regretting everything now. I'm still in shock after what all just happened. Why did it come to all of this?
     
  2. Garyroberts

    Garyroberts Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales
    Gender:
    Male
    Is it possible that you can "go along with the therapy", bide your time and try to talk them round slowly? It might be that if they go to therapy with you, it might educate them rather than "fix you".

    You can't stay in the cold, that's for sure so walk round the block for an hour, go back to the house and see if they've calmed down?
     
  3. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Dwightc,

    I'm so sorry that you are faced with such ignorance, hostility and homophobia from your own parents.:icon_sad:

    You might consider calling the police yourself. Your father basically assaulted you. And you might be able to hold having him arrested and pressing charges over his head if your parents don't give a reasonable amount of time to find someplace else to live instead of just throwing you out on the street.

    Also, I don't know the laws in Colorado, but these days, it is hard to just throw someone out of a residence if they have been living there for a long period of time. You'd have to see what the police say, but it might be worth involving them just to be able to get back into the house that way.

    Finally, in the worst case, I think the police would at least take you to a shelter.

    Just some thoughts.

    I'm praying for you.
     
  4. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    Why would I go with the therapy? I would be disgracing myself then.

    I'm far away from that place now; I just wanted to get out of there and far away as possible during that time.

    I don't even call them "parents" anymore. I've always dreamt of how my real parents were like. I dream that these current parents were nothing but like - adoptive parents and my real ones were smart, nice, and accepting parents.

    I wish it was on my side right now, but I hesitate this time than before. Last time a similar scenario like this happened (though it never involved me kicked to the curve) I was still there when the police showed up, tried to tell them want he did to me, and they didn't seem to care one bit! Instead they had the audacity to say, "he can do whatever he wants to you". I even showed them the blood scars inflicted on me! No, "They're your parents" and all this bullshit. Which made me hate the police from then on. If this is the case, who am I to tun to when the assault happens?

    Wouldn't they have to evict me to keep from returning?

    Ha, yeah, right.

    And your thoughts are kind, something I need now more than ever.
     
  5. Garyroberts

    Garyroberts Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales
    Gender:
    Male
    To educate THEM, like I said. I'm not saying you have to engage with the therapist - I'm suggesting you string them along and when you get there, inform the therapist that it's your parents that need the help, not you. I would get immense satisfaction from wasting their time, if nothing else.
     
  6. Loveislife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    None of your business
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I don't think that that's going to do anything because his parents want him to go to CONVERSION therapy. So, the therapist will most likely believe that you can change being gay and that that's okay.
     
  7. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,311
    Likes Received:
    329
    Location:
    Arizona, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's terrible that the police were so nonchalant previously. Were you an adult or still a minor when that happened?

    I think if you called the police and they came out but were so nonchalant again, you could tell them that you were sorry for apparently imposing on them and ask for their names and badge numbers as a reference for when you talked to the Chief of Police and the District Attorney about why they were so dismissive of your assault/domestic abuse complaint. That might get their attention.

    But, from what you said, it sounds like you don't even want to involve the police at this point.

    Yes, that is what I was referring to when I mentioned the laws in Colorado. In many States, it takes long, drawn-out legal proceedings to formally evict someone from their long-term residence.
     
  8. Garyroberts

    Garyroberts Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales
    Gender:
    Male
    So use the opportunity to prove that conversion therapy doesn't work then? If nothing else, the parents will realise that conversion therapy doesn't work (it won't, right???) and will have wasted resources believing it would, driving home the fact that it was pointless.
     
  9. Loveislife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    None of your business
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Or his parents could conclude that he didn't try hard enough because the therapy didn't work and will be even more angry. I wouldn't get into conversion therapy just so you might prove a point because it can be very damaging to your psyche.

    I wish you the best of luck, dwightc. I'm sorry that your parents are this way.
     
  10. Garyroberts

    Garyroberts Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wales
    Gender:
    Male
    It doesn't sound like they could get any angrier from the opening post does it? It may just be me but in my 46 years of living as a human, I have been in quite a few situations where arguing with someone just puts you up against a brick wall :bang: so I have found it far more productive to say to them "you know what, you obviously know better than me so we'll try it your way" and then when their way fails they have no option to face facts.
     
  11. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What a horrible idea to go to conversion therapy just to prove it drops not work.

    ---------- Post added 24th Nov 2016 at 01:19 PM ----------

    There is a Massive difference between walking away from an argument and subjecting yourself to further emotional and mental abuse to try and passify someone; causing you more personal pain and suffering in the process.

    Hopefully you have a friend or other family member you can call. Alternatively, call a local LGBT center (google for one on your area) and ask for advice on shelter options. They are set up for this type of request and should be able to direct you under your circumstances.
     
  12. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi guys,
    first Happy thanksgving to the all of you.
    Why, isn't my thanksgiving just a big fun how-dee-doo?

    Anyways, I didn't return to place at all, now I'm on my way to work and when I get off, gotta scrape up some strength to call a resource or something.


    I was an adult.

    It might but...

    This.


    Looks like they've got a long road ahead of themselves to deal with this.


    I'll most likely be going here. Sadly the first options are 0.

    Thank you.

    ....Hey, look at that, I'm grateful of something.
     
  13. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This is some of the worst advice I've seen on EC.

    Under no circumstances should the OP agree to go to conversion therapy. Some such therapies are physically dangerous, all are psychologically dangerous, and some are illegal in the US (the people that run them ship you out of the country, to small countries where authorities look the other way.)

    OP, I'm really sorry to hear you're having this experience. Your parents are trying their best, using force, to get you to "see the light." Our experience is that, over time, even most religious crazy parents eventually figure it out and accept their kids (a few do not, but most do.)

    So the immediate thing is for you to seek help and shelter. There should be resources in your community for emergency shelter that you would be eligible for, and if there is a LGBT center in your community, they likely have emergency resources as well. Also, calling PFLAG (there's almost certainly one in your area) can put you in touch with people who can help.

    I know this situation seems bleak now but I promise that you can get past this and get help.

    If you need more assistance, please open an Ask the Staff and one of our staff can do our best to help you find resources for the immediate situation.
     
  14. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks, I'm at work now and already tired as hell from all that walking!

    I have no choice but to go to the center, I hope all goes well on this depressing thanksgiving.
     
  15. I'm gay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2016
    Messages:
    1,751
    Likes Received:
    809
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Dwight,

    Your thread is correctly titled. This was a terrible outcome. I'm so sorry that you have parents who are so blind and misinformed, and choose their pride over their own son.

    I agree with Chip that your parents may come around at some point in the future, but at least for now, you will need to move ahead with your life without them, and consider that they are no longer in your life. As a father of two boys, it makes me weep to advise you this way because I cannot even imagine throwing away my boys for any reason, least of all for being gay.

    You will get through this. You need to start with basics: Shelter, food, clothing, keep your job so you have some funds coming to you.

    Step 1 is shelter. There is a homeless shelter here:

    Comitis Crisis Center
    2178 Victor Street
    Aurora, CO 80045
    (720) 975-0155

    or:

    Aurora Warms the Night
    1544 Elmira Street
    Aurora Colorado 80010
    (303) 361-6905

    Are there any friends or other relatives you could contact? Perhaps an aunt or uncle who would be willing to take you in?

    I do think that you should check with the GLBT center, but I don't know how far that is to you, or if they are open and operating on Thanksgiving.

    Do you have any money available to you? How much?

    Please look back over the resource list I sent you in your other thread. There are resources for food as well, so you will want to begin planning if you need to walk from location to location.

    Keep posting to us here. Now is the time for you to take action. Be brave, and face this head-on.

    This will not be the last setback in your life. There will be more. You always have two options when faced with these challenges. You can let them crush you from inside, or let them inspire you to overcome them. Only you can choose which.

    You did one of the bravest things anyone can ever do - be completely vulnerable to the ones you should be able to trust the most - and were rejected. Please remember that your part was the bravery and honesty, their part was the rejection. Their rejection says nothing about you, it says everything about them. You are a wonderful human being and perfect in every way, and I'm sorry they can't see that. You need to know it's the truth regardless of what they think.

    One step at a time.

    :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
    #15 I'm gay, Nov 24, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2016
  16. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    Just got off of work an hour ago, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving with all your family.
    I've been sitting here in guilt, and denial, cause during this time I'd usually be with my family, having fun, telling stories, sharing laughs, being happy. Now that's all gone for ever because of one stupid choice I decided to make. :tears:
    My first hatesthrowing.

    I'd actually was thinking of just staying here at work 24/7. Its a warehouse after all. At least I'll be constantly busy, and in this field I can keep to myself.

    The question about relatives and all that has been asked before, and the answer is the same as before. NO. There is nobody.

    One thing that makes me irritable is when co workers here try and talk with me. I hate that; I'm like, just please don't talk to me at all. Just work.

    I was thinking that it didn't matter if I went here or there, with all the burdens placed on me (financial) and a credit tarnished, I won't be getting anywhere. All little money I make will be going towards that.

    I'm going to see if I can pick up an all day shift tomorrow. Until then, I'm too tired to walk anymore, especially in this cold, my fingers have gone numb its hard to type right now. Whatever. Shit happens, huh?
     
  17. mvp 447

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2015
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tampa Bay, FL
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Reading your post broke my heart. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It goes to show that just because you share blood with someone does not make them family. Focus on finding shelter first. You have a job, so you can hopefully get a more permanent place to stay quickly. Working extra hours might provide a good outlet or at least let you dwell less on the drama. The second thing is to find a good support network, I think some of the posts above might have mentioned some info. If not, google will quickly reveal a litany of related info.

    I know how hard and scary it is, just try to survive right now. We're all rooting for you.
     
  18. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    If I could do that, my inner self would be free!:grin:

    I have no choice but survive, I'm too much of a pacifist to do wrong myself anyways.
    While the resources above were lengthy I could only go to a few them in the close range area.

    I walked in, then walked right out.
     
  19. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Your parents have acted so appallingly.
    Have you considered giving them authoritative web pages to read on how bad conversion therapies can be?
    Also is there a local PFLAG organisation that could advise you and/ or your parents how to handle this sort of situation. It must come up so often.
     
  20. dwightc

    dwightc Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2016
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    aurora
    Gender:
    Male
    I want nothing to do with them, besides they won't listen either way. I've come to know them all these years.
    After losing them, I vowed that I will never come close with anyone in this world! Because, after doing a bit of soul searching, turns out, all the times I were "happy" were when I was alone by myself, so there's my answer right there. (I guess, yeah)


    ...I'm losing my mind!