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I don't like pronouns

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by EverDeer, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. EverDeer

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    I currently go by my feminine birthname IRL, and use she/her pronouns with most everyone, which I don't mind and I actually enjoy feminine pronouns more than neutral ones. However, by doing both of these things, sometimes I feel like I run the risk of always being gendered as a girl or people not taking my gender seriously or just assuming that I don't mind being gendered as a girl since I'm okay with feminine pronouns. However, since now coming out online more people will usually automatically assume neutral pronouns...which is fine, I just don't like them, but I'm afraid of running into the problems mentioned above as well. I also enjoy masculine pronouns, but couldn't go by them with my feminine birthname, that would just seem odd... I could use my chosen name (Kipp) but then I would be worried about being perceived as a man in public and "confusing" people...honestly its just easier to live as female-presenting...really, I would just prefer if my friends could call me Kipp (or my birthname, I'm not sure I mind too much) and switch between feminine and masculine pronouns, or maybe use feminine ones with my birthname and masculine ones with my chosen name, sort of like how some bigender people do it (I guess that is how I feel since I am demigender...). All of this could be avoided I guess if I just used neutral pronouns but I don't really like them. I guess I just am unsure about executing this. Honestly I just feel like I would be a bother to everyone or confuse everyone. Anyone else feel this way / do something similar?
     
  2. Lex1423

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    I'm in a similar situation, I guess. Most everyone uses she/her pronouns for me, even though I identify as being not female (I've said I'm bigender to my friends, but recently have learned that I was misinterpreting the label wrong. Oops. So as of right now I guess I'm genderqueer.). But I've never said to any of my friends to use any other pronouns, because I don't care what pronouns people use, so there is the risk that people won't take my gender seriously, or as you said, think that I don't mind being gendered as female. I don't have such a disliking to gender neutral pronouns as you, but that doesn't mean I don't always think they apply, and if I cared more about my pronouns I'd probably not want people to use them all the time because they don't apply all the time. I don't have a chosen name, but I'd probably have the exact same problem you do, if I did.
     
  3. YuriBunny

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    Looking at the title, maybe ask people to just drop the whole pronouns thing and call you by your name.

    That's a tough situation though... I kinda feel the same sometimes.
     
  4. EverDeer

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    Wow...I never even considered that hahah. I feel like it could be a tough request for some people, but honestly I could imagine feeling the best with that outcome. I'm still okay with he and she, though maybe I would at least feel like using my chosen name "Kipp" more often would help combat the feelings I associate negatively with always being called she/her. Who knows, thanks for the suggestion though I definitely think its helping my thought process.
     
  5. YuriBunny

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    Yeah, I suggested it because I was thinking about how I'd like to speak a language that doesn't use pronouns so much. Like in Japanese, we usually just say the person's name and then drop it in subsequent sentences, without putting in a pronoun, because it's clear that you're still talking about the same person. ^^

    And it's good to be a name rather than a pronoun! I like my name and I want to be thought of as "Ana" rather than a gender. And you can just be Kipp, simple as that. Pronouns are just extra stuff; you don't really need them~. ^^ No need to make things more complicated than they need to be.

    Anyway, you're welcome; glad you like the suggestion. (*hug*)
     
  6. Synesthesia

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    I don't like feminine pronouns most of the time but I'm not out so I deal with it. Not keen on neutral ones either tbh but I guess that's the compromise. There's no way to realistically alternate between male/female ones and not sure if I'd like male pronouns all the time without testing it out, so not sure what to do on that front. Would depend on me coming out anyway though.

    Ideally I'd be able to pass as both, but that's not the case.
     
  7. EverDeer

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    I definitely agree with the last sentence, but yeah as for switching between the two... I just wish there was a way to sort of experiment without like, lying to people or having them not believe me or something like that. I just don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing or not have people take me seriously when I say "hey, can you call me this today?" and then like, change my mind a week later or something.
     
  8. Synesthesia

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    Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It's difficult because many people already have a low threshold of acceptance so if you change your mind you just play into their confirmation bias about people messing around.
     
  9. Nychthemeron

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    Pronouns feel weird on me too, funnily enough.

    There is no problem with asking others to use your name instead of pronouns. From personal experience, it will sound odd at first, but you quickly get used to it, and it is easier to adapt to than neopronouns.

    Don't worry about being a bother. It should never be a bother to be respectful.