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What is wrong with my mother?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Anthemic, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. Anthemic

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    I know that no one here is a doctor, and that no one can give a diagnosis. But I just want some ideas and opinions.

    My mom has always been a bit uptight, even when I was a small child; but she was always trying to be nurturing and sweet. Once I turned 7, she started being a bit harsher. I remember when I was 7, is the first time she ever slapped me across the face. She would yell a lot, especially when I had a hard time doing my homework. Psychologists kept saying I had ADD (but years later we found out it was actually OCD). She always used the belt to discipline me, and would always hit my legs and back, instead of my butt. One day, when I was 7 or 8, we were at the grocery store. We went down the party aisle, so I started looking through the birthday cards. I was distracted, so I didn't hear my mom tell me to come to the next aisle. Time passed and I finally noticed that she was no where to be seen. I panicked and started running through the store to find her. I finally found her, and she was livid. She told me that when we got home, she was going to "beat my ass". Sure enough, when we got home, she hit me many times with a belt. Back then, I always thought it was my fault for this. But now I realize, I was just a kid, and I got easily distracted. It was her job to make sure I heard her and make sure I was with her at all times. It's like she was trying to find a reason to discipline me.

    I remember when I was 11, she was trying to pick out clothes for me to wear to school, which I hated. She picked out these awful khaki capri pants that were too big for me (they were basically flooded pants because I was always small for my age; and still am to this day). Instead, I wanted to wear a cute pair of shorts with daisies on them. She didn't like them and told me I couldn't wear them. I begged her to let me wear them for about 10 minutes. She got frustrated and grabbed my arm and slung me across the room. I was so horrified that I put on the pants she wanted me to wear. A few months after that (still age 11) we got into an argument about something stupid (probably over clothes again). She got so mad, and she hit me so hard in my face, that she busted my lip; it swelled up a lot. She apologized for it, but I'll never forget it. She would yell a lot and tell me I'm just like my father (he was a manipulative, angry drunk). I couldn't understand why she thought I was like him. She always made me feel very low when she said that. Every time she would feel angry, I always thought it was my fault. It's like I was conditioned into thinking that everything was my fault, because she would usually take her anger out on me by yelling and cussing. She divorced my father when I was 4, but she had a lot of issues with him for several years after that.

    I was 12 when I started to resent her. I went through the goth phase and became angry a lot of the time. I was still a good kid in school, and I always respected my teachers. I never got involved into bad things, I was just prone to anger at home. I would even break things in my room because I felt so much anger. I realize now, that I channeled my sadness into anger because it was easier to deal with. I was like this until I turned 14, and fell in love with a good friend of mine, who pursued me first. She helped me realize my sexuality. I actually felt happy, until she betrayed me because I wouldn't let her have sex with me (I wasn't ready yet). I fell into a huge depression, and was finally diagnosed with depression, OCD, and PTSD at age 15. I was put on Lexapro, and I actually felt normal again. I didn't feel sad or angry. A few months after that, my mom got mad at me for something, and grabbed me by my hair and slung me around. This happened because she found out a girl (my girlfriend at the time; but she didn't know) had gotten into her alcohol. The girl I was with had seduced me into letting her have some, and even began touching me without my consent. I was so nervous that I let her have some alcohol. I couldn't tell my mom this.

    As the years went by, she was still harsh with me. When I was 17, she slapped me across the face again, and on the day of my friend's funeral. I became very sick during my senior year of high school. I started having severe migraines and fatigue, and I could barely function in class. Because of this, I skipped a good bit of school so I could sleep. One day, my mom found out I skipped school, and she came home. She busted into my room, pinned me down on the bed, and started hitting me in the face with a closed fist. I told my school counselor, who did nothing about it because she said that, since my mom didn't use the front of her fist, it wasn't considered a punch. So, I let it go. I'm still pissed about that. For years, she would tell me to get out of her house. She knew I had no where to go, so it was like she was using that to get to me.

    More years went by, and she was still being her usual angry self at times. I remember when I was 21 or 22, she got so mad at me that she grabbed my arms and dug her nails into my arms as hard as she could. I had had enough of the abuse, and finally slapped her arms to get her off of me. She was shocked because I have never defended myself before. She started crying and her blood pressure shot up. She even told me she was about to have a heart attack and that it was my fault. She would say things like, "When I'm dead and gone, you'll be sorry you ever treated me this way." It made me feel horrible. Whenever we get into arguments, I'm so quick to apologize to her because I hate when there's tension. She NEVER accepts my apology. She strings her anger along to get me to do what she wants. But whenever she apologizes, I accept it right away because I'm very forgiving.

    To this day, she still tells me to get out of her house. I've had to go stay in a hotel twice because she kicked me out. I never have enough money to move out on my own because my mom takes half of my check from my job. She has been charging me for things since I was 16. So now, I'm over $3,000 in debt with her. I know by law, I don't have to pay her back. But I also know that if I don't, she will never let me live it down. I would much rather pay her back than have to deal with constant tension. Now keep in mind, she threatens to kick me out of her house A LOT. But whenever I tell her I'm going to make an effort to move out, she always tells me I won't make it on my own. She never tries to encourage me to do better for myself in terms of living on my own. It's like, why threaten to kick me out, and then tell me I won't make it on my own? It's pure manipulation... I feel so trapped and unhappy living with her. She also tells me I look dead without makeup. Aren't mothers supposed to tell you you're beautiful? Random people always compliment my looks and tell me I have very nice skin. But my own mother always insults me.

    Can anyone give an opinion as to what might be my mom's problem? I asked her if she would be interested in seeing a therapist, and she always says, "There's nothing wrong with me. Why would I need to see one?" SERIOUSLY?! :bang:
     
  2. GayBatman

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    You're mom reminds me of my ex step father. She probably has some underlining mental issues that she's never had help for. You're mom probably has control issues and panics when she's not in control. I'm sorry you've had a childhood like that. It's not right. Parents should never abuse their kids.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  3. Anthemic

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    Thanks buddy! (*hug*)

    Yeah, I agree. I know she definitely has a control issue. I told my doctor about all of this, and he gave me his diagnostic opinion. What's so interesting is that, my sister's psychiatrist gave her the same diagnostic opinion. I just wanted to see what everyone else thinks.
     
  4. mattni

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    Damn. I am sorry for all the physical abuse you went through with your mother. I think she might have an issue with containing her anger or some mental issues (as GayBatman said). You should try your best to help her with her issues if you care about her. (*hug*)

    Good day, mate!
    -matt
     
  5. tgboymom

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    :tears:

    I had a very hard time reading this. I'm a mother. Please, listen to me, please. Whatever has happened is not your fault. Even the possible indiscretion of your friend taking her alcohol. To me, if she doesn't want you or your friends into the booze, it shouldn't be in the house or should be under lock and key. My older sisters used to hit the bottle of scotch my mother kept under the kitchen sink for "company". They were teenagers! Teenagers tend to push the boundaries. It was my mother's mishandling of the situation that gave me insight for when I had my own.

    I won't lie, I've made mistakes with my child... but there's never any excuse for physical abuse.. EVER! There is obviously something wrong with her and it is very mature and intuitive of you to ask her about therapy. No one is perfect.. parents included.. but there are lines that should not be crossed.

    I dealt with an angry mother who tried to control my every move. I worked full time from 12 years old and she took ALL of my money for YEARS. There's more I won't go into but I will tell you that when I was in my 40's, I finally went to a shrink. Through what he taught me and what I learned, I found out that girls who are abused as children turn into very angry women. This could be her problem but my worry is you. She can't change unless she acknowledges that she has a problem, but she has no right to abuse you. She didn't have a right then, and she doesn't have a right now. You are not a possession!! You are a very precious gift from God, child. (*hug*) Don't ever let anyone... including your mother, try to make you believe otherwise!

    I will be praying for you... that either your mother's eyes are opened or you find your way out of this toxicity.

    God be with you
    (*hug*)
     
  6. Justinian20

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    Hi I feel like I can almost relate to you Anthemic. Your mum should not beat you in any way, because that's wrong. I can understand what you are going through with your mum. It's very wrong for a person to beat up another. You are right to try and help them by asking them to go to a therapist. This is actually making me cry because I have a father who I consider to be a little bit abusive to me. I see this post and I can see so many people have it worse than me and I don't like that, no person deserves to be beaten up over little things.
     
  7. Justinian20

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    Hi I feel like I can almost relate to you Anthemic. Your mum should not beat you in any way, because that's wrong. I can understand what you are going through with your mum. It's very wrong for a person to beat up another. You are right to try and help them by asking them to go to a therapist. This is actually making me cry because I have a father who I consider to be a little bit abusive to me. I see this post and I can see so many people have it worse than me and I don't like that, no person deserves to be beaten up over little things.
     
  8. tgboymom

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    (*hug*) No child should be beat over big things either! :tantrum: I'm so sick to death of the absolute and utter confusion parents can have about loving their children! Loving does not mean BEATING!