Hi Everyone! A lot of people dislike referring to lgbtq relationships as ¨queer¨ because queer is a normalized slur, which I agree with (apologies for the title) so they stick with ¨straight relationship¨ for a relationship between a man and a woman, ¨gay relationship¨ for a relationship between two guys, and ¨lesbian relationship¨ for a relationship between two girls. However, as you and many other might have realized, a relationship between two men doesn't necessarily mean its a gay relationship since one or both people involved can be bi or pan or demi or any other orientation different from gay; so a way people have solved this issue is by calling them mlm relationships or flf relationships. The problem with that is that it doesnt translate well to speech (em slash em, eff slash eff, an eff eff relationship). So what are your suggestions? Do you think we should stick with lgbtq, or queer, or maybe something else? I´d love to hear your thoughts!
I usually just say same sex or opposite sex relationships, but if anyone has a better idea, go for it
But it is a gay relationship. Gay means "homossexual", and what's happening there is an homossexual relationship, because it is two people of the same sex, even if individually they are bissexual, for example. That happens because the world "gay" is referring to "relationship", and not to the individuals alone. Or you could simply call it a LGBT relationship. Or, easier, you could call it a relationship. Labels lose their purpose if they start to become too confusing or too detailed. "Gay" or "Lesbian" relationship already fills it's communication purpose. Orientation labels are a different thing, as they refer to individuals. I don't think it is necessary to change the way we call relationships. Or, if we need to do something, peraphs it is best to call every relationship a "relationship", instead of dividing them.
I usually avoid referring to all relationships, including non-straight ones, as anything other than "relationships", especially if the relationship involves the "traditional" male and female genders despite one or both of them being non-straight. Firstly, such differentiations are unnecessary, since whether or not the partners are straight does not make their relationship any different from those involving only straight people. Also, if we were to always differentiate between such things, that same logic would make a relationship involving binary trans people (MTFs and FTMs) somehow different from a relationship involving only cis people, as it would technically be a "non-binary relationship". This is not ok as it reinforces the idea that transgender people should not be regarded equally to cisgender people. Having said that, I do recognise that there are some cases in which it is important to differentiate between relationships based on sexuality. So, to answer your question, I would refer to a relationship involving a male and female as an "opposite gender relationship", two females/two males as a "same gender relationship", and one or more non-binary people as a "different gender relationship". I would call a relationship involving multiple (consenting) people a "polyamorous relationship". Note that I am not referring to the relationships by sex, because sex does not necessarily determine gender.
Yeah, this. "Gay" is being used to describe the relationship, not the people in it. I think that "gay relationship" or "same sex/gender relationship" is okay. Whichever you prefer to use.
Tbh I agree the most with user: anatypicalguy since I do feel both that in the situations where the genders in a relationship must be recognized it could be useful to refer to them as same gender, opposite gender, and different gender relationship (although this includes ¨straight relationships¨). But I also feel like maybe we should´t refer to lgbt relationships as just ¨relationships¨ I feel like more often than not queerness is erased in actual same gendered couples, so the idea that lgbt relationships are just relationships is a bit normative but I could be wrong on that last part since I also see a point in user: Chiropteras post in that when labels become too confusing they lose their purpose. However seeing the other posts, this kind of raises the question of whether or not a relationship between a male and a female is lgbt (which is another way we can call them in general) if the people involved are lgbt. So a pan guy and a bi girl are in a relationship, the relationship is ¨straight¨ but they arent, is the relationship an lgbt relationship? I think this is solved by calling relationships like these ¨different gendered¨ instead of ¨straight¨ so I guess that´s the best alternative.
In this case, it is a straight relationship, between a bisexual girl and a pansexual guy. I don't see the need of changing the way we refer to relationships. As i said, labels should be used to simplify things, or to unite people in a group if necessary (like the label "LGBT" for our group, that is important to identify us in the fight against prejudice). To me, the way we refer to relationships is working in a satisfactory way. Also, remember: Gender and Orientation are two different things. The word before "relationship" (like "gay relationship") refers to the gender of the people involved, not their orientation per se. But they are "just relationships". We are all equal, straights, gays, lesbians... we use the term "gay relationships" or "lesbian relationships" if this identification is needed, but they are still relationships in their essence, not more and not less important than straight relationships.
This is the point. They should be as normal in our culture as het relationships. Normalization of queer relationships is good.
Yeah I feel like youre right, its just that i fear that in the process of normalizing we go back to erasing and ignoring what makes us different we´d become invisible. But hopefully I´m wrong. Anyway, back on topic, we can agree that ¨If only necessary, we can refer to lgbt relationships as same gendered, different gendered, and opposite gendered¨ As the most inclusive way to refer to relationships?
Sometimes if it's important I say boy-girl relationships or girl-girl relationships or non-binary-girl relationships etc. but when I'm talking about a specific couple I say "they're in a relationship" instead of "they're in a girl-boy relationship" or "they're in a gay relationship".
I'd call them same-sex relationships if we're talking about them and need to specify a difference like in same-sex marriage or something but otherwise I'd just say they're dating or in a relationship.
Adding that it would become extremely hard for everyone should we refer to relationships based on the sexuality if the people in it since one doesn't always know someone's personality when talking about their relationship and asking everyone about their sexuality would be kinda rude. ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2016 at 10:58 AM ---------- *sexuality not personality -.-
Yeah...I was going to say...until I start hearing straight people talking about their "straight relationships" or their "hetero relationships", I shall continue to refer simply to my relationship.
