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Anxious About Where to Live

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by FalconBlueSky00, Nov 18, 2016.

  1. FalconBlueSky00

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    I've probably been overthinking this and have gotten stuck. So what do y'all think. I live in Texas right now, but since the campaign and election started/ ended things are getting really weird in a bad way here. In some ways it's like people's thoughts have gone backwards 20 years. I saw the oddest confederate flag in a field today. It was mostly white with the right hand strip covered in red, and a tiny crossed stars in the uppper left hand corner. I had to look it up, and it is a historical confederate flag. But something about it or maybe it's placement out in the field really creeped me out. I was planning to move anyway because of divorce and needing to sell the house. Originally I was going to head towards Austin. It's a great place and good culture, but the way things are feeling right now it's a place that I might never have protection for adoption.

    I've been googling cities and while I really like Seattle I don't think I can even afford a tiny condo there, Portland doesn't look much better. I'm sort of afraid that I would literally freeze to death in a cold climate like Colorado or Massachusetts which I like otherwise. And at the same time I would really like to get away from the extreme heat of the south since I have an autoimmune disease.

    Also my parents are sort of pressuring me to move to Lubbock, while trying not to pressure me. LOL Lubbock seems like a really bad idea, my family and I have very diff beliefs on both religion and politics. Plus lubbock strikes me as not LGBTQ friendly.

    So after getting freaked out by the creepy flag, this junk has been doing a hamster wheel in my head. What are your thoughts, on any part of this? I just want the hamster wheel to break down.
     
  2. okccpdude

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    I live just north of you, in Oklahoma. I am stuck here for three more years but after that, I am out. I would move to a blue state. Portland would be a good choice, as would Denver or Seattle. I would recommend Austin, but as you said, the political climate of Texas as a whole is very conservative (though it actually seems liberal compared to Oklahoma). It's hard to find a "perfect" climate that is also affordable. The San Francisco Bay Area is that, but it's also the most expensive place in the U.S. to live.
     
  3. I'm gay

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    Generally speaking, the larger the city the more gay people will be there, and the greater level of tolerance and acceptance. This is true for almost all states.
     
  4. BMC77

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    This is probably very true.

    I can say that WA is probably better than many states for LGBT issues. However...WA varies wildly. Seattle is likely the most accepting. But there are small towns where I bet LGBT people wouldn't be comfortable living.

    A couple of examples. An official map shows R-74 results which approved marriage quality in 2012. It was approved by a majority of voters. But most Eastern WA counties and several Western WA counties rejected it. (Although, of course, there were people in those places who voted to approve.)

    Another example from this year's train wreck election shows that Clinton won WA, as I'd expected. (Last Republican Presidential candidate to win was Reagan in '84). But Trump won several counties. Indeed, when the returns were first reported, there was a moment where one news service was showing Trump winning WA! Then large Western WA counties were added in...and suddenly Trump was losing.

    And even in large cities, you'll probably find homophobes. Back to the R-74 results, 33% of King County (holding Seattle) voters rejected R-74.

    This is hardly unique to WA...I remember on a forum someone in MN (blue state) mentioning that in his rural area some past year the majority of signs promoted whatever Republican was running for President.

    Other issues with Seattle...

    Yes, it is expensive. I've heard of people who have sold a house in this area, and moved to TX where they were able to buy a bigger house and still have a pile of cash. One thing that might help: there are probably places in the greater Seattle area that are cheaper than Seattle, but still have reasonable LGBT tolerance. Seattle remains close enough for doing the really big city activities if one is so inclined.

    Winters are not super cold, but the cold may feel worse than snow belt cold (a damp cold here).

    Also note that gray skies are common in winter. As one person commented: Seattle was the only place in the US where he heard "sun breaks" mentioned in weather forecasts.

    Another possible problem is a difficulty of making connections with other people. There is even a label "Seattle freeze." I have been struggling for some time trying to even make casual friends--my posting history will show that I've started more than one thread whining on this topic. Of course, the problem probably may not be a problem for others.
     
  5. Romancer

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    Have you thought about places like Durham or Chapel Hill, North Carolina? Both are very liberal areas in an otherwise very red state. The climate is colder but nothing like Massachusetts or the mid-west or the Rockies. Asheville, NC is the same. Athens, Georgia is another place. Charlottesville, Virginia, also. In fact, most college/university towns are liberal areas with rich resources for gay people as well as lots of things to do like theatre and concerts if that's something you like. There are tons of places like the ones I have mentioned.
     
  6. DAFriend

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    NYC is good as far as Pride goes. Austin is Okay, one of my LGBT friends lives there w/ her wife. Some of the islands off the coast of Seattle are not so costly and, still close enough to work in Seattle.
     
  7. Nickw

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    Bunny

    This is a pretty common conversation these days among gay friends and family. One town that several of them are looking at is Denver. There is a growing gay community near downtown. In a couple of instances, my friends are buying condos to use on weekends to get away from the rural towns where they work because of the attitudes you expressed. Yes, Denver has cold weather, but the winters are short but often with nice sunny days and the dry weather is great and it doesn't feel as cold.

    I live in two towns. One is hyper liberal and the other is hyper conservative. I know the feeling of being uncomfortable and vulnerable in the "red" town and I am not out there. The other town it is so freeing to go out on the town with gay friends and not worry about hatred. I highly suggest you find such a community.
     
  8. RosePetals76

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    I live in an area that is very accepting for the most part, but I know when I traveled to Nashville last week my girlfriend and I got a whole lot more looks. So, even though we're in a sort of small metropolitan area in comparison, it's friendlier than that large one. We live on the border between Iowa and Illinois, and have realized that laws are much more in our favor in Iowa, surprisingly. When we marry, Iowa's laws are more equal, and when we have kids they're automatically both of ours in Iowa, bit we have to adopt our own kid in IL for it to be both of ours.
     
  9. Adray

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    My area is similar to RosePetals'. I live in downstate Illinois too, in a different area though, in Springfield, IL, which is the state capital. It's really nice being in a low cost of living city in an overall fairly Blue state. Our city and county is actually something like 60/40 Republican/Democratic, but we benefit from being in a blue state. The LGBT scene here is not anything near as good as Chicago, but it's okay - we have an LGBT Center, a PrideFest, and the climate is okay. The more rural areas are not as good. As much as I'd rather live in Chicago, I couldn't afford the cost of living, and the traffic would drive me batty.

    If Hillary had won and locked in a liberal Supreme Court majority, we might be in a different situation. I think, given the weird twist the election threw, that it's probably a good idea to be more guarded in this area now. You probably want to look for a blue state that has good adoption laws, low cost of living, and tolerable weather, as opposed to a blue city in a red state (like Austin is).

    Before Illinois, I lived for a few years in Oklahoma City. I can confirm what okccpdude posted above, that place is truly awful for LGBT people. There are a few pockets of sanity in Oklahoma, but everything else is really awful. Hang in there, okccpdude. It really does get better once you get out.

    Bunny, I'd recommend looking for a medium sized city in a blue state that's not too far from a big city. Add in your weather preferences, and a list to look at might include California, Oregon, Washington, New Mexico, Colorado. Maybe that's a starting point?

    Take your time, research it, and I really wish you the best, I hope things get better for you on the other side of this trying time.
     
  10. FalconBlueSky00

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    I forgot to mention one of my thoughts, Austin is very convenient but my niece is transgender and needs her birth certificate changed. I would like to move to a place where she could stay with me for the minimum time and then apply. In speaking to y'all about this I think I just realized that the only reason I'm considering Austin is that it is convenient, familiar, and has good Tex-Mex food.

    BMC77,
    I've experienced the "Seattle freeze" I really like the area and have vacationed there several times. I tried to talk to a guy in the line at the grocery store once. OMG he looked like I spit on him. LOL it is very hard to get someone to talk to you in that area, and I'm pretty out going. I start conversations with strangers in stores, or wherever I'm standing all the time.

    Nickw,
    I'm starting to have positive feelings about Denver. Not just from what you said, but from what I read last night and positive memories I have of going there with my grandparents as a kid. Is there a good bus system/ public transportation system there? Also I'm starting a temp job with USPS on the third and I would like to go on full time and get a retirement with them. Do any of your mail carriers look like they are about to die from exposure to the elements? LOL

    Thank you everyone. I think you crushed the hamster wheel, I'm feeling a lot less anxious.
     
  11. okccpdude

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    Thanks. I have three more years here and then I am out. In terms of metropolitan areas, OKC is by far the least LGBT-friendly in the nation. It's better than the rural South but not by much. Virtually any metropolitan area over 500,000 in population is going to be more LGBT-friendly than Oklahoma City.
     
  12. beenthrdonetht

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    As far as cold weather goes, you adapt to it faster than you'd think. And people seem to make up for it by being warmer themselves. (Apart from Seattle, apparently.) Houses are warmer, clothes are warmer, people are more active in the winter. I wouldn't let climate (except for Seattle again lol) be a showstopper.