Hi, I'm a freshman in College. I just recently admitted to myself that I'm gay. Although I'm still really shy about It, I very satisfied with myself knowing that accepted who I am, and ready to take the next step. I'm not going to come out to family, right away. I'm 95% percent sure they'll be cool with it, but there is a small chance they might cut off my college fund, So i'm not going to take any chances. Plus I have to 2 younger brothers ages 13 and 11, who look up to me as the role model. My announcement could have a negative effect on them going forward at their age. So putting family aside, I'm ready to come out on campus. I'm at huge state university so everybody is very liberal and accepting and there are probably thousands of gay people on and around campus the area. I have been antisocial and don't have any friends that I can go up and say I'm gay. I have been way too anti-social so far. My internal struggle have left me depressed. Half of my soul has been craving a boyfriend to be my lover and best friend and to fill every ounce of loneliness with love and the half of me was in total denial and scorn and self pity. After the election, I was devastated with the result, it took my depression to another level. 2 days later, I finally left my room, and walked through center campus. The campus square, aprx. 1000 sq ft. was covered completely by words, written in chalk, of inspiration, acceptance, and love, towards all peoples regardless of race or gender, or sexual orientation. This inspired to be honest with myself knowing that I'm surrounded by such accepting caring people, even though we have homophobic, racist, egomaniac, orange, degenerate, narcissist, ,Tax Evading, Douchebag, etc. as a President. I know now, it's time for me to come out of the closet, and search for my male lover my heart and soul craves. I'm still shy as fuck, and have no idea what to do next? I really need some advice, and encouragement from you guys. First for Coming out and then for getting a boyfriend.
Hi, first of all well done. I know it's a pain in the arse trying to figure out what's up and then accept yourself for who you are - that is a giant leap. With the election, there couldn't have been anything good coming out of that anyway. I'm not out either but by the sound of it coming out to your campus is a really good thing to do. Just don't make an absolute song and dance about it as some people may think you're just attention seeking. I can understand why you want to wait until later to come out to family, often people feel it's a lot easier when you aren't as dependent on others to live. Hope this helps!
I'd suggest finding an LGBT group on your campus and attending a couple meetings. If you're nervous or unsure about coming out right away, you can always attend as an ally and sort of get a feel for the group before moving any further. I definitely get that you can fall into depression more easily when you're in a new place and don't have any close friends at the moment — it's happened to me, too — but the fact that you don't have a close circle at the moment actually might offer an opportunity: you don't necessarily have to hide your sexuality at all. (Whereas if you pulled together a close-knit group and were then interested in attending meetings, you might feel worried about being "caught.") I'd suggest seeking out your university's counseling services to talk with a professional about your depression, but an LGBT organization could also offer some of the validation and socialization it seems you need at the moment. So yeah, for your own sake, try to find those communities on your campus that you know will accept you for who you are. Until then, know you're valued and accepted here at EC and can talk about whatever you need to. Good luck, and take care of yourself! (*hug*)
Yeah, you might think No I'm not quite ready for my campus LGBT group, I'll wait until I'm more sure of myself. Not! You are exactly the sort of person the group is designed to help. Better than anyone else, they know what to ask you, what to say to you, how to talk to you, etc etc. They're literally waiting for you. You are in a place with great resources. Use them!
It's great that you're ready to come out and are still in freshman year! I wish I had done it earlier as I'm about to leave college now and feel i've wasted a lot of time. Try not to be sad- think about it, you have your whole life ahead of you, 4 years at college which you can make amazing if you try and you have accepted who you are! You are in a great place, just please don't be too scared to come out on campus like i was, as you will regret it later
I think you are in an excellent position to start creating a life for yourself as a gay person. Shyness is something that can be very difficult to overcome (I speak from my own experience) but you can do it. I made friends with other gay men in college and it helped me immensely to learn to loosen up around others and to be more friendly myself. You have access to great resources in college that might be more difficult to find after you graduate, so make use of them, now, while you have the chance. As for the depression, this is also something that I came to grips with while in college, and you should do that as well. When you are depressed, it messes up your entire life because it prevents you from seeing things realistically, and it prevents you from taking constructive steps to deal with many aspects of your life that might need work. Go to counseling! Go, go, go, go! It can make the difference between just existing and actually living!
