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Who am I, really? Scared and feel alone ..

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ThatOnePerson, Nov 17, 2016.

  1. ThatOnePerson

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Lately I've been seriously thinking about my gender identity--and I'm nearing my 20's. (I'll be 29 in January.).

    I have breast inserts, bras and clothing I'm comfortable wearing--but my parents aren't exactly comfortable with me expressing myself and exploring how I really feel about my gender identity.

    Over the last few weeks I've been feeling this sense of "I've always been a girl, but the feelings haven't manifested until now .. so maybe it's too late for me to do anything about it?" And I looked up if my insurance covers HRT--which it does, but I'd have to go through up to two years of therapy before they would even consider starting treatment.

    And, since I can't drive, I'd have to come out to my parents--I'd have to come out to them, which terrifies me.

    I don't know whether I'm trying to convince myself that I am a girl or not, or if I'm just looking too far into it.

    But for the last few times I've looked at myself in the mirror, I see a girl. And it makes me smile, you know?

    Is this just .. a phase? I've been struggling with my gender identity for years .. I honestly don't know what to do anymore ..

    Thanks for your help and support. <3
     
  2. Really

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    Is the an LGBT resource centre around you where you could get some counselling? Maybe just a few sessions will help you get a clearer picture of what's going on and how to proceed.

    Even if you don't drive, you could use public transport. Or taxis/uber, if necessary.
     
  3. ThatOnePerson

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    Yes, there is. I've been considering going there for quite some time--but it's completely on the other side of the valley so Uber/Lyft would be pretty expensive. Unfortunately, there's no bus route that goes out to where I live (currently living with my parents.). But I'm not opposed to walking a few miles to the nearest bus stop. Heh.

    I'm just worried that how I feel will be considered "just a phase," but I don't feel like it is. I don't want to be judged over "Wanting to be a girl is not the same as feeling like you are/needing to be a girl."
     
  4. Really

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    Does the centre have an contact email? Maybe see if they have any options for remote counselling or even phone support if that works for you. If not, maybe they could suggest some reading material to help clarify things or somewhere that does have email/phone support. (Check to see if that 2 year HRT prerequisite can begin with them.)

    How long have you been thinking about all this? I'm not sure I believe in phases. Weird haircuts and strange diets, sure but who you feel you are, deep within you? I don't think so.

    Why don't you just operate as if, yes, this is you so what do you do next? See if the resource centre has some resources for you and just start educating yourself. It's not like you're going to transition the second you get in touch. You can change your mind about what you do and don't want at any point along the way.
     
  5. RosePetals76

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There are online and phone counseling programs if you can't get to an in person one easily. No good LGBT counselor will think it's just a phase. They will help you sort through your feelings.
     
  6. ThatOnePerson

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    I've been feeling this way for quite some time--about the last three years or so. I just never knew what to do with these feelings until recently. Well, confronting them at least.

    I recently went out with my breast forms on and felt even more comfortable with myself than I usually do. I don't know.

    There /is/ a counseling group on the other side of the valley. I'm considering going sometime in the next few weeks if I can. I'd really love to sort all this out.