Coming out later in life harder?

I can't speak for anyone else but I have found coming out starting at age 33(now totally out)a trauma.
I hate myself for not doing it years ago. I'm 37 and his all my boyfriends, I saw,and let go,guys I loved because I was scared folk would find out. Others left me,saying we had no future,they were right.
Then I came out,everyone was pretty much fine. I never had a mountain to climb,it was all in my head. I feel I've messed up my whole life and can't move on.

 

I was unable to come out when I was a teenager because I grew up in a rural area with traditional beliefs. I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with my feelings and confusion. I wish I'd come out in my twenties but wasn't brave enough. I came out to my family and friends five years ago. I've dealt with a great deal of rejection but have also found out which people accept me as I am. I'm happier since coming out but regret not doing it sooner.

 

There comes A point in life where you believe it's redundant.However yes it's harder to come out later in life. If you have A X wife & children you have to consider their reaction. Then there's the friends & coworkers you have known most of your life. You wonder what their reaction is going to be. And finally there's your other relatives. Brothers nephews,nieces etc. I'M sure their not going to be happy about it. As for myself the term redundant is accurate. I'M old & sick. Who's going to want that. And even if they did acting on that could kill me. So why even bother? :icon_sad:

 

I think each age has its own unique challenges. When you're younger, you risk possibly being rejected by the very people who should accept you no matter what, your parents. Plus, younger people are often so much more driven by what those around them think, and despite kids being more accepting, I'd think there is still the sense that your friends might reject you outright, or you might get beaten up at school or something. I was bullied regularly for years for being overweight and awkward a straight-A student; I never got any abuse for possibly being gay, but that was because they never finished mining all the other opportunities. If I had come out, I could have just chalked it up to another source of abuse, but someone who wasn't as hardened to it as I was might have been devastated.

When you're older, you have a much more predictable and settled life, and coming out can disrupt that completely. The avoidance and cold shoulder are their own kind of bullying. So is discovering that you're on the "wrong" side of the breakup, or finding that your kids suddenly don't want anything to do with you. Instead of worrying about how you will live if your parents chuck you out, you worry about how your ex and kids will live. I don't know if you can qualify it as harder or easier, just different.

Sometimes I wish I had come out earlier, and I really was so very close to it in my 20's. Other times I'm glad I waited, especially when I think of my kids, whom I love and who have accepted me gladly for who I am. We really don't decide to screw up our lives. We do what we think is right at the time, and we do it over and over, making little binary decisions that make up the pixels of the picture of our lives. Young or old, we make our decisions and deal with the results.

 

Very well put!

---------- Post added 6th Dec 2016 at 08:31 AM ----------

I'm sorry you're having these feelings, Peter, and hope you can soon overcome them. I came out much later than you, at age 63, and while I have regrets, they are not debilitating. I look back and see the positive aspects of my former life, the things I would not trade for anything, and they make me happy. My present life makes me happy. I am optimistic for the future. My advice to you is to look for the positive aspects of your life so far — think back on your accomplishments — and try to feel good about them. But don't focus on the past; it cannot be changed. You have a long road ahead of you, filled with new challenges and experiences. Enjoy your life because it's the only one you get. (And if you are truly stuck, seek out the help of a professional — just a couple of sessions made a world of difference to me.)