This morning I feel really aware of how lucky I am to be on this journey, and to have gotten to this part of it. It has been a huge struggle to come out. But before coming out life was empty in so many ways, I felt like a part of me wasn't missing, and I was suffocating. I'm at a point where so much is still uncertain, but I'm feeling good about that uncertainty. I'm feeling more strong and confident about things with my daughter. I know it's going to be a really rough patch, but I feel like my mind is more present than it has been for a long time as q parent and I know we're going to get through this. At the same time, I'm taking care of me, balancing beings mom wot he also being me. Being true to who I am and exploring who I really am. Building good friendships as my authentic self and taking time to be on my own as well. I'm even gaining confidence in my professional field, and working towards getting into a more rewarding job. And on top of that, my ex and I are repairing our friendship and becoming a good team. I think the two of us will. Be able to work together. I'm still learning so much about myself, my gender, and even still trying to fully understand my sexuality. And it's scary. But I'm starting to really use that this journey keeps bringing me closer to being fully me. I'm feeling really good about it. There are still so many questions but it's a good place to be. ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2016 at 01:14 AM ---------- *was missing ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2016 at 01:15 AM ---------- *balancing being a mom with also being me ---------- Post added 16th Nov 2016 at 01:16 AM ---------- *starting to really see that this journey...
Nice post. People dont often speak about the process that takes place after coming out. It seems coming out is always just the first step towards full authenticity.
It's exciting to realize all the possibilities; it's an even greater life lesson when we realize that most of them were there already, and all we had to do was open our eyes and look for them! On the surface, with a male partner and having left my small suburb for an apartment in town with him, life seems very different, but my attitudes and interests are largely the same. I just finally looked in a different direction and considered the idea that I didn't have to keep doing what I was doing. Apply that to your life as a whole and you may be surprised at the number of opportunities that you suddenly have, which were really there all the time. It's catching, too. My ex-wife was convinced that her life was ending when we broke up, and she told me about it over and over in highly dramatic terms. But now she's seeing someone and is clearly happier than she was with me for probably the last 12 years of our 20-year marriage, and she too wasn't open to the possibility that there could be something better. I'm happy for her--which shocks her, but shouldn't, since I spent most of our marriage trying to make her happy. But now she has new possibilities as well. We are lucky, indeed. (Footnote to that - she also seems to be moving in the direction of me being her gay best friend, which means I get endless phone calls and also get to drive her to a colonoscopy and hear all the gory details of the prep work. Similar to when we were married, except there's no venom anymore, which was standard all those years we were married and felt boxed in and hopeless. And there's the added snarky bonus that our girls like my boyfriend better than hers :dry: so it's all good!)
So many people never have the opportunity you have been given to re-create yourself. And, it is amazing, isn't it? To be in a place where you see an incredible range of opportunities and almost endless possibilities waiting for you. You can pick and choose instead of having things imposed on you by circumstances. Go for it, and be happy!
Thanks onthehighway and fulcrum --- Choirboy, it's so true that so much about seeing the possibilities is just about opening your eyes and also I would say letting go of fear. In my case it's also a matter of letting go of the script of what happiness is supposed to be. I realised recently that part of my feelings of pressure to conform have come from a feeling that I wanted certain things that I hadn't yet found, a life partner, a family, settling down. I hadn't yet found these because I was still far from embracing who I really am. But I abandoned that journey and followed the script that I saw around me....and lost me in the process. I'm ready to tear up that script right now. I love the way it has felt to be true to me in the times that I've allowed myself to. And I want to fight for that to keep making that path for myself. It sounds like you've had a lot to go through to get to where you are, and you sound genuinely happy. I'm really happy that you've reached that place for yourself. ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2016 at 01:14 AM ---------- Romancer, it's true, I feel lucky to have this opportunity to look deeply in myself to figure out what my needs really are. I feel that in the end, it will feel more rewarding, it already does in so many ways, even though I've still got a long way to go. ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2016 at 01:19 AM ---------- Lookingforme - i do feel like this gives me motivation to keep moving forward. I can have an authentic life, I can be me. It's a really good feeling to see that that possibility exists.
