I'm a 21 year old female senior in college. I came out to myself finally a few months ago. I finally felt like I was ready to start coming out as gay, then Trump happened. And now everyone is so scared. If I came out now, my sister would be terrified for me, and I don't think I can do that to her. We are already so scared for our few gay, black, and Mexican friends, that I don't think she would handle it well at all if I came out now. And I simply cannot accept that this angry orange cartoon villain come-to-life is my new president. And part of the problem is that I'm not completely sure of myself. I'm pretty certain I'm gay, but I've never been with a woman. And I feel like I have no way of knowing for certain until I've at least dated a woman. But I feel like it's a catch 22. I look feminine and look straight, so I feel like I won't meet any gay/bi girls until I come out, but I'm not sure I want to come out until I've dated a girl and am therefore certain of my sexuality. But on the other hand, I know that you don't need to have a sexual history to prove your sexual orientation, so the fact that I think girls are hot and guys are not should be enough. But I feel like I can't be absolutely certain until I try it out. Even before the election I was hoping to go international for graduate school. I was thinking of waiting for grad school to come out. New school, new start. But I'm not sure, and they're are no guarantees. What do you guys think?
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially the parts about not being totally sure of your sexuality when it's not backed up by experience. As far as Trump is concerned, in a weird way, I feel more compelled to come out now than before—I guess I'm just tired of hiding and feel like it's a more apt time for love and honesty than any in recent memory. (Just what I'm thinking over, of course; I haven't come out quite yet, and I would never push anyone to come out if they weren't ready.) For the grad school thing, it might be nice to see how it feels introducing yourself to new people as gay, but also remember that you would then probably have to come out to your old friends from a distance, which could be more stressful. So follow your heart on that one, but remember you could also do both: you could potentially come out to some close friends now and then come out to everyone when you're in a new place. Whatever feels right!
Donald Trump may be the president to be, a important part of "America". But he's NOT an important part of "your life". Obama wasn't, Hillary wouldn't have been. He's your president, actually he's not quite even that yet. Not someone you know personally. It doesn't matter what some guy thinks about marriage. It by no means has any direct effect on your coming out. But besides all that coming out is terrifying and awful and I wouldn't blame you for staying in the closet awhile. But please just promise yourself you won't stay in there forever!
Honest, significant, and true words, Guff! Why is anyone worrying about Coming Out based on the US Administration change? What does that have to do with anything? #overthinking
I'm a geezer and I know you're absolutely right about this. People were terrified and in the closet in the 1960's. And then, I joined up here, 50 years later, and some people feel awful turmoil that to me, is indistinguishable from all that time ago. There has been progress. There has been legal progress. Finally, the same legal theories that led the courts to declare bans on interracial marriage to be unconstitutional, were applied to same sex marriage. Laws against discrimination were enacted in some states. With the votes of ordinary people, showing that we are in fact accountable to each other, not to political figures. But rights are on paper. They must be fought for every day. In some ways and in some places, there is more support for LGBT people, but this is progress in social attitudes that happened, through all kinds of adminstrations and endless varieties of dogmas. The changing of public attitudes is far more powerful than the cult of any personality, in the long run. Many more people have the capacity to be fair-minded than we suspect....if we let them.
Has the fact that Trump is now president changed your orientation in anyway? no? Then really he shouldn't be in the equation. You still need to be you. Be. You. blessings
Honestly, being out now is scary, and if Trump is convicted in his trail, it's going to be terrifying with Pence as president. Some of my friends in other countries are even scared to be out now, because of their close ties with US people. I can't do anything about it, I'm out and, out there about it but, I'd advise you to at least wait until we see if Trump remains in office or not. If he does, it should be okay, a bit more edgy than before because of the attitudes he presents as being okay, but, still not really bad for us. If he's convicted and Pence becomes president - may the Powers that be help us all.
Trump as a president can be a scary thought, yes. However, keep in mind that we are living in 2016, with a LGBT-voice louder and clearer than ever. People will keep on fighting for gay rights until everyone understands that it is not a choice, but the way you are born. You don't get to chose who you are, so try to love who you are and live your life the way you want it to. Life's to short to hide you beaty. As for the closet. You don't have to come out of a closet to go on a date with a woman. If you find someone who you can trust, tell them about your insecurities and feelings. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better, just because you could share it with someone. If you don't feel like sharing, then don't. But NEVER let an orange with a wig interfere with your choices, your feelings, your relations... your life. Trump may be ignorant about LGBTQ's, but know that you are not alone.
That's great advice everybody, thank you. It really does help. I have only told one person, and he was a complete stranger. I felt safe to tell him because he was cool, and I knew I would never see him again. Yeah, that was kind of a weird day. I have friends who I know would be safe to tell, but it's just extra weird because we NEVER talk about relationships or sex or even feelings in general. There won't be a casual way to slip it into conversation. Also, like many people who have been through some shit, I have problems trusting people and being vulnerable. And what makes it a little worse is that I'm usually the more daring one in the group. I'm always the one convincing the others to down another drink or whatever, so it's embarrassing to admit I've been such a chicken about owning up to my sexuality. Advice/Thoughts? Do any of you feel or have felt the same?
To be realistic, anyone who would be/act like an asshole about it would do so regardless of whether or not Trump was president. People just kind of suck like that
I have seen several posts where people were thinking about coming out, but now are hesitating because we have this vulgar pig for president, and I would say to them all, it's even more important to come out now. We may eventually all have to come together to stand up for ourselves in a way that we never have before, and the more out and proud gay people there are, the louder our voice can be.
You shouldnt allow this guy to control your life. For me its harder because of parents not so much about Trump.
Don't worry about Trump. It's sad, yes, but Hillary won the popular vote, so it's likely you'll meet more democratic people over all in life. I'm mostly worried about pence, so I won't go into that.... You really don't need any experience to know if you're gay, just try to figure it out from crushes and sexual fantasies. The problem is, what if you date a woman for a test and you don't like it? If you're so sure on testing you can go even deeper in confusion, even though she might not have been the right person, might have had deeper values, etc. Experimenting has always been a poor indicator of knowing sexuality as It's never as simple as "If I'm gay, I would like dating any girl I came across". Another issue is that most lesbians really do not want to date anyone who isn't sure of their sexuality and is using them as a test, so you'll have to be way more upfront than usual. You will miss out on many dates because of this, even if you meet more LGBT people in your area. The main way you can make this easier is to say you want to test casual dating but there's no hope for a relationship. Or to find other people in the same boat. ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2016 at 07:53 AM ---------- *Different values
I am personally worried about Russian-style anti-gay laws. I honestly don't think Trump himself is anti-gay. He is not a religious man and before running for President, he had no problems with gay rights. He was the first GOP candidate to hold up a rainbow flag and was the only one to not take an issue with transgender bathroom rights. Trump's own beliefs aren't the problem. It's the fact he will pander whoever he has to for power and he has shown he will pander to the theocratic religious right and is filling his cabinet to people who not only want to reverse marriage equality, but want to legislate LGBT people back into the closet. I live in Oklahoma so personally, I don't think where I live it can get much worse. I am still in the closet myself because of the homophobia and social repercussions I would have to face here. Being LGBT here is like it was in most of the country in the 1980s. It's barely tolerated and not accepted. However, I fear for people in areas that have seen significant progress over the past 8 years that very well might have that progress rolled back. To the OP, I see you live in Wisconsin. In no way would I let Trump prevent you from living your life. People who were accepting before November 8th are still accepting today. The only thing that's changed is people who were already homophobic now have a larger voice. Only thing I would say is simply be mindful of your surroundings.
