Hi all I discovered pretty late in life, 30, that I experience same-sex attraction. There was some really heavy denial that kept me from really identifying or experiencing that attraction. I'm still confused about things, but I had a somewhat random question I wanted to ask. I moved around a lot, so friends were very important to me. Growing up I was very idealistic about best friends. I wanted these friendships to be meaningful and last "forever" as a kid. One of my biggest desires was to find a "true friend" though I was often left disappointed. I'd put so much effort and care into these friendships. I was always heart broken when the friendships fell apart. I didn't understand why they didn't care as much as I did. Most of my best friends were girls too. Not sure if my idealism was from watching too much TV, a personality trait, or if it was a reflection of my true feelings. I was wondering if this is common among the LGBT community. Especially if you grew up in a home/culture that didn't acknowledge/accept same sex relationships.
Absolutely. I'm in my 30s and have only started questioning. Repressed childhood, zero exposure to the lgbt community, etc etc. I also moved a lot and was always seeking a best friend. I would become rather attached to my friend of the year and we would invariably have a huge falling out when I became too possessive and they tired of me. For so long I thought that I was just an awful friend. However, looking back I think there was an element of attraction that I wasn't yet ready to acknowledge.
Wow... you sound so much like me nbd. I'd always have best friend for every new place I lived (every 1-2 years). If the friendship didn't peacefully fade out from distance, I find they get "tired" of me or conveniently too busy I thought I was a good friend, but ...it was like I wasn't capable of long-lasting relationships. There have been a few exceptions, but this was on-going theme in my life. After awhile, I kept myself emotionally distant in friendships.
Going to throw a theory out. Maybe your subconscious you was really looking for a partner. Me. Now that I know I am gay, no doubt about it, looking back I made friends with the subconscious me really wanting a partner. But I was unaware the subconscious me was doing this. Deep deep down I wanted to love, to hug, to touch. To much shame to get that so I went for the next best thing. Close friendship. Comments?
Ya, I think when your emotions are suppressed like with closeted gays, it can maybe influence what you want out of a friendship?? I dont know. Thinking back to my childhood,I think I missed out of a lot of good friendships because I subconsciously closed up every time a guy was just friendly with me. Fearing that it would 'expose' me somehow through a slip up. And it was automatic. There were many guys that I wasnt attracted to that elicited that reaction in me.
