I have a question. Would you stay with your hetero partner if your hetero partner were okay with you having a same-sex partner on the side? This is the situation I am in with my husband. I am a bisexual woman with a preference for women. At first, I was thinking of leaving the relationship to seek out another woman. But I have a lady friend who comes to see me from time to time and we have sex, and my husband is okay with this. I think with a set-up like this, I might could make my marriage work. Sometimes, life is about compromise.
Hi HeelsofLove I am married and my wife is fine with me having intimate male friends. But, she does not feel it is a compromise. Our marriage is better because I am able to express my sexuality. It does take some work to be sure my wife's needs are met and open communication is essential.
Yes, I absolutely would love to be in this situation. I think ultimately you just have to decide what you truly want. Would you be satisfied with your relationships with women being mostly just sexual, or do you want love and romance from a woman? It doesn't sound like your husband wants you to have a girlfriend, but is just open to you having sexual relations with women.
Agree with CameOutSwinging, the question is whether you are emotionally fulfilled by your relationship with your husband. Is your attraction to women (and your relationship with your lady friend) simply a physical urge that needs scratched, or do you wish it was something more? Who do you want to wake up with in the morning? With whom do you look forward to spending your evenings after a long day? I think it's harder to maintain something as just a side relationship if that's where your romantic attraction leads you. It's why I'm afraid to open that Pandora's box myself.
Absolutely. I love my wife and am very attracted to her. She's my life partner. There is no other person I want to be my primary partner. My ride or die But I do have same sex attractions and would love to be able to fulfill those needs. I have asked her and she has shot that down. But if my wife were okay with something like that, I would work it out with her and make up some guidelines, always making sure our marriage is a happy home.
My husband is okay with it. I have more preference to men, and like CubbieBlue, I want my husband to be my primary partner. It's been a decade when I had sex with a woman and it's more on the sexual side really. Only recently, I feel same sex attraction again. This time it is more romantic. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocated so I 'm still brokenhearted but positively moving on.
Personally, I've tried to remain married to my husband and have a girlfriend. When I came out as a lesbian to him, we agreed to have an open marriage. However, I know that I cannot continue to be married to him and have a girlfriend. I have my first serious girlfriend now, and I have realized I have to pick either being married or being free to pursue a relationship with a woman. For me, being married and having a girlfriend will not work. I think if you can make it work, that's great for you and your spouse. Good luck to you. We all have to figure out how to navigate this new territory in our own ways!
Hi heels of love You know the situation your in would seem to be the answer to all my problems but I suppose it will raise problems of its own. What will you do if you fall for a woman and find yourself wanting the deeper relationship with her, wanting to spend your life with her, what if this causes you to fall out of love with your husband? I don't know it could all work out perfectly but I think you do need to think about these things. Is your husband really happy with the arrangement or is he just so scared of losing you? I suppose if you're completely sure he's happy and the other relationships will always be secondary it could work. What are your own doubts / worries? Obviously you have some concerns if you're posting about it?
Been doing that for 18 years. If our partnership ends, I'll probably date women again, as I did earlier in my life.
Yes I could do it, have, but I am able to separate sex and love, detach the emotional form the physical and, for an open relationship to work, you and your partner both have to be able to do that. Having sex outside the relationship isn't what destroys it, it's making love outside the relationship, and that doesn't even have to involve having sex at all. When one of you moves the emotional bond to another, there goes the relationship. Just having sex with the outside person make sit easier to move than bond. Talk about it, make sure you both know what has to happen to make it work and, what can happen if feelings get involved and, can accept the chance you take.
Do you think you can only be emotionally bonded/in love with one person at a time? I think it really depends on how you're wired, and how open you are to the natural ebb and flow of relationships.
DAFriend I don't know if what you wrote is, necessarily, accurate for everyone. It depends on everyone involved in the relationship. Love and emotional attachment take many forms. If the desire is a monogamous commitment...sure. But, I do know it is possible, for me at least, to develop bonds with men than are different than with women. Many straight men have strong emotional bonds with other straight men. In my case, the expression of the emotional bond can also be sexual. Other people may be able to love more than one person at the same time. Why couldn't they? As long as the emotional needs are met for everyone there is no reason it cannot work except that our society is built on the one man one woman model and we are comfortable with it. HeelsOfLove. Are you looking for the same type of relationship with a woman that you have with your husband? Or, is it more something that both you and your husband realize he cannot provide, that you need, to be a complete person? And, would this fulfillment allow you to be a better wife and lover to him? I think this is important to making it work.
