I am a 57 year old bi woman recently separated after 28 years of marriage. My sexuality was not the reason for our divorce. In my teens I had a brief sexual relationship with a good female friend. These encounters have been the source of my masturbatory fantasy since that time. I always enjoyed sex with my husband but as we have aged his libido has decreased and mine, after menopause, is raging. Unfortunately our paths have diverged and we are divorcing. These last 4 or 5 months have caused me to reflect deeply on my core values and beliefs. Through some act of courage I decided that its now or never and I am pleased to say I am dating a woman after all these years. We met online and have been spending a fair bit of time together. She’s younger than I am and I feel as though my story is a bit of a cliche but all I can say is…baby, there’s a whole world out there I had no idea about. I feel lost and confused and more than a little scared but I feel compelled to see where this goes. My former spouse is very supportive of me exploring my sexuality and that’s great but no one else knows. Do I have to make some sort of declaration to myself or anyone else about my sexual orientation? I don’t know if I’m bi, if I’m a lesbian, or somewhere on the continuum and I’m not sure that it really matters at this point in my life. I hope there is no upper age limit to this ‘later in life’ forum. Cheers.
Well, for what my opinion is worth, there are no "have to's." You don't owe anyone a declaratory statement or a definitive account of your sexual identity or orientation. Lot's of people don't identify. Lot's more are still figuring things out at all ages. Even more recognize that sexuality is fluid for many people. What matters is that you are content within yourself. We are all lifelong learners when it comes to figuring ourselves out, and sexuality is only one part of that. Best of luck on your continuing journey.
Great post and congratulations for having the courage to explore all sides of you at this time of your life. In your situation, maybe you could just live your truth. Don't worry about the labels and just act as though everyone already knows. No declarations. Maybe adopt a policy that you will explain upon request but don't feel the need to "come out." I think that's totally reasonable. Take care. ride:
Hey welcome to EC, there is definitely no upper age limit. I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to do. Coming out or not coming out etc is your journey and you should do it in the way that feels right for you.
Welcome to EC. I'd say, no, you don't have to label yourself. I struggled with a label, and settled on lesbian, but I don't feel like anyone has to have one. I know plenty of people who just say, "I like who I like", but don't label. That's perfectly okay.
The way I see this, "society" is putting a label on you. Also society is telling you to be monogamous. But it seems all of this is wrong and goes against the grain of being human - we are primates, animals with needs. ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2016 at 07:53 AM ---------- Book suggestion: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_at_Dawn
I'm 50 and single again myself. Nothing to do with sexuality, just wasn't working anymore. Yeah the labels help us tell others who and where we are on the rainbow, but that doesn't mean we need to fit neatly in just one place. As you get to know someone, you can elaborate on the details that make you unique. Just and example, my BFF a gay man, almost, but not totally. He's a bit of a she too and, demi-bi with specification on what he will do. And me, female body but queer, poly, pan so, all over the rainbow LOL. The only rules are be you and have fun every day.
You don't have to tell anyone and if it ever comes up you can always say "You didn't know I was bi? That's funny, everyone else did."
Thank you to all who have taken the time to read and respond to my post. I appreciate the insight and advice. My girl friend and I have progressed to being sexually intimate and it feels so right and good. For the first time in my entire life I am masturbating to present day events and not memories of long ago. I have no illusions about the relationship itself. I am 22 years her senior. We both talk about our next relationships openly but for today we are enjoying ourselves. I want to call from the rooftops…Rita Mae Brown was right. There really is such a thing as a Rubyfruit Jungle. LOL I am living my truth and am grateful that I have taken the steps to have this be a reality for me after all these years of wondering. I look back now at my adolescence and wonder if not for social and familiar conditioning would I have made different choices for my life?
