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Am i even trans??

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spidey, Nov 1, 2016.

  1. Spidey

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    Some days I feel my trans identity is like a loud siren blaring at me. I have to start transition ASAP. (I am ftm). Other days like today it's a whisper that I can ignore if I distract myself.I also don't want to transition and I even doubt I'm trans. I have only been out to myself about 2 weeks.
    I am not dyshoric about my breasts. I am indifferent about them. But I do want them off because they are huge.
    When I was younger I would play dress up with my dad's clothes, be a man when playing pretend and pictured nyself as a man when I grew up. I felt very masculine as a kid. I imitated male behavior growing up so I have manly mannerisms to this day. But my mother stuffed me into the girl box so tightly. She still buys me clothes and I'm 41 years old. She knows I will buy mens clothes. I was also very sheltered growing up and my mother never told me there was such a thing as GLBT.

    So I get really confused if I am really trans or not since I have siren days and whisper days. Am I trans?
     
  2. Crimson72

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    Well, I'm not saying that you're not trans for certain, only you can decide that at the end of the day, but I can give some of my experience on the issue. For a few years, I thought I was transgender, I have many female characteristics such as being nurturing, sensitive, and I always preferred woman's fashion, however, I've never really wanted to transition. Then one day I figured that I'm not trans, but rather I am just effeminate and love fashion. I now know that I want to be androgynous rather than trans.

    In short, it could be that you prefer men's fashion and have masculine behavior. That's pretty much my case, except it with women's fashion and feminine behavior.
     
  3. Spidey

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    I also wanted a beard when I was younger. I would always wish I could somehow grow a beard. The thought of being a man is always there just some days more than others.
     
  4. Alder

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    Feelings of gender euphoria and dysphoria will vary. Even when the need to transition is not an extremely, unbearably strong feeling, it doesn't mean your trans identity isn't valid, because it's true that sometimes gender feelings go from "siren days" to "whisper days." Really at the end of the day your journey and transition is for you to figure out what is best for yourself, but just wanted to add that it's okay that the trans feeling isn't always there 24/7 as the loudest noise in your head. I'm not saying you're 100% definitely trans or 100% definitely not, but it's very natural for these feelings to fluctuate.

    Having pictured yourself as a man growing up, dressing up in men's clothes, and imitating male mannerisms are definitely indicators, but what you can do now is to think about what will make you more comfortable with your body, and if transitioning will make you feel happier with it. There are some things you can do like binding your chest that will point you in the right direction. You can also think about how you want to be socialised and how you want others to treat you in terms of gender - is the idea of living as a man generally something that you want and look forward to and is it something that feels right to you? It's okay to take your time with these questions, but usually they become more clear to you as time goes on and you continue to explore your feelings. Talking to a gender therapist can also help for sure.

    In your last post you also mentioned that the thought of being a man is always there, which is a fairly strong indicator as well. That feeling can always be there even when gender dysphoria and euphoria feelings vary.

    Good luck figuring stuff out. Feel free to continue posting here (*hug*)
     
    #4 Alder, Nov 1, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2016
  5. SkyWinter

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    "Siren Days" and "Whisper Days" That's a very clever way of putting it. I've certainly had many of both of those types of days.


    This is interesting to me. What separates a gender non-conformist from a trans person? You would think biology as a trans person is theoretically someone with a biological difference in their brain, yet there is still no definitive 100% proof.

    So maybe you are biologically trans but we have no way of proving it and it doesn't matter to you either way because you are happy with yourself, or there is no such thing as being "trans" or that being trans is just a way of explaining gender non-conformity.

    It's such a complicated topic that we still have only scraped the surface of.
     
  6. Crimson72

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    Yeah, I definitelty agree. I do even think that I might have the brain of the opposite sex, however, I don't really feel like transitioning even if there was a way to make me completely female down to the chromosomes, I feel confortable with being physically male.

    But yeah, as you said it's pretty complicated and even I tend to shift my views from time to time on what's going on with this and why. So the best information I can present is from my own experience with the subject, as a possibility on how someone might feel about transitioning. But I think what matters is that people are comfortable with themselves, so that should be up to them at the end of the day, of course. ^^
     
  7. BrookeVL

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    I do understand the "whisper days" and "siren days." I've been getting a lot of the whisper ones lately, but so far today is a siren day.
     
  8. baristajedi

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    Spidey,

    I think the siren days and whisper days are a way for your brain to process all the things you're trying to understand about yourself. In some ways you need to hear the intensity of both messages, and I think your brain will sort of filter things until you understand what feels more like truth as you accept and reject things that you try to process.

    Right now I'm far behind you in understanding my gender identity, but when I was trying to understand my orientation I went through a similar whisper/siren process. I feel like your truths will become clearer to you over time.
     
  9. Creativemind

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    I view a gender non-conformist to just be someone who likes more masculine things (if female) or feminine things (if male). Stuff like liking dresses, make-up, sports, and beer are all just social constructs and don't have any biology behind them. I mean, men used to wear "dresses" (chitons) and make-up in older societies, but were men. Pink used to be a masculine color, and blue was feminine. So these are just made up things that don't have much to do with identity.

    On the other hand, men and women are psychologically quite different from one another. This has to do with how we think and socialize. Even a more masculine woman would socialize in a female way because of psychology and hormones. So I view this to be a major difference and indicator toward being trans.

    On a side note....I am female, but I also feel like I have more psychological male traits sometimes....so that is also confusing. I am told that I am very aggressive for a woman. Women in general tend to internalize their insecurities, blame themselves, and cry. But...I don't. I just get pissed off, blame other people for my insecurities, and use language typically seen as "male aggression". I ended up upsetting some women last time I had a fight with someone, even though I was on their side because of the language used.

    But...I also have some psychological female traits. My sexual attraction is more emotive than visual. I don't really drool over hot bodies, and get turned on more by an emotional connection. This is seen as a female trait.

    Maybe our minds and our interests are more complex than strictly feminine vs masculine or psychologically male vs psychologically female. Most of us might be a mix of those things.

    I don't know if this helps the OP, but if you feel trans, you probably are. You don't have to be dysphoric all the time.
     
  10. SkyWinter

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    Yeah, a man could wear a kilt, which is essentially a skirt, and not "feel female". If they wore a skirt and didn't feel female they would just be gender non-conforming.

    So yeah, you would think that something about psychology and hormones must be coming into play.

    What does it mean to socialize in a female way versus a male way? You would think humans socialize as humans. Is there that big of a difference between male and female socialization patterns? Can't a man just choose to socialize that way?
     
  11. Mihael

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    Let's be real. If you mean it in a way that it's an entire state of being of a person, then nothing besides transitioning and what you talk.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2016 at 02:21 AM ----------

    [​IMG]

    ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2016 at 02:23 AM ----------

    ^^that is the difference (sorry, the image is a bit too big)

    ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2016 at 02:25 AM ----------

    I think guys are just rougher. Teasing is a normal component of being friends with a guy, whereas girls sugar coat everything, including actual teasing. Of course, there are lot's of exceptions to the rule.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Nov 2016 at 02:25 AM ----------

    I think guys are just rougher. Teasing is a normal component of being friends with a guy, whereas girls sugar coat everything, including actual teasing. Of course, there are lot's of exceptions to the rule.
     
  12. Creativemind

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    True, I can be more like a guy in that extent, which is why guy friends can be more fun. I'm not one of those people that avoids friendships with girls though, they just have to be a bit more masculine. I find that a lot of the mechanics of female friendships are an extreme turn-off for me. Luckily, my best female friend and I are not like this....but I think we are outliers....