Hey all (I think I'm over thinking this) I've been seeing this Guy for 2 months, I'm really in to him but I'm taking it slow before things get really deep or involved. He's currently unemployed/between jobs. (I'm employed full time). There is a job going as kitchen hand needed for the head chef, at a 5 Star restaurant, That he semi applied for on Facebook. I meant semi applied that he is going meet the head chef for Coffee at some random Cafe. But then he was showing me their conversation on Facebook messenger, all seemed normal and like business until the head chef mentioned... "He has a whole two floor apartment and he lives alone." Also the guy I'm seeing has done drag and looks the part all dressed up and that is his Facebook profile picture. The guy I'm seeing also mentioned after the chef mentioned he had a two whole floor apartment "That would be fun for both girls and guys" The chef mentioned Absolutely. Is this a Red flag or am i over thinking. Any advice would be awesome, would like to hear some other opinions. (The chef is divorced and in his 40s) ---------- Post added 31st Oct 2016 at 09:20 AM ---------- Oh we are in the same age group 40s
It sounds like the chef may be flirting but as long as you trust your guy, then it shouldn't be a problem.
Hey thanks Also he was on Facebook and kept getting Facebook messenger messages and i mentioned it, we were using my iphone to check, for some reason he did not want to open them in front of me, yet i always do in front of him.
Ashanti, If there are trust issues, it's always best to have an open line of communication and discuss them. Could you be feeling/acting too possessively towards him? Are you being unnecessarily suspicious of him? Those kinds of things can ruin a relationship quickly - especially if your concerns are not discussed/aired out. Sometimes all it takes are little compromises on both sides to make the relationship all that much stronger. Other times, the issues may be insurmountable for one partner or the other and the relationship may end. But either way, having ongoing, unresolved issues is never good for any relationship. Just some thoughts.
OK thanks Quantumreality, Maybe your right on too possessively towards him, I would like to note though that he has had an extravagant lifestyle dressing in drag and "experienced" big parties drugs etc over the years where as i am the laid back type, (Go to work go home relax in the weekend)
Np, Ashanti. I wasn't evaluating your relationship, I was simply posing questions as an outsider that you may not have considered. If your issue(s) revolve around how he has traditionally lived his life versus what you are used to, that would definitely be something to address with him. He may be amenable to toning down some of that flamboyant lifestyle and/or you may agree to participate in those kinds of activities with him more often. You definitely want to feel as comfortable in your relationship with him as possible. IMO, communication is a key element of any relationship and is normally directly tied to the level of trust in the relationship. Best of luck!
Hey, Thanks for your support answering my thread, Just would like to ask your thoughts on a few things... The head chef at sky city casino, He mentioned to my date that he has a 2 full floor apartment, and he lives alone. Also as i mentioned before my date of 3 months responded to that with a " Oh that would be fun for both girls and guys) and the chef mentions absolutely, Meaning that hes in to both sexes. It's like the Chef is trying to "Draw him in or groom". I maybe over thinking this but its best to end it early before things get to deep. Also an interview over coffee at a cafe seems suspect which is what my date wants to do to meet the chef. Why not a normal interview at the office, as in strictly business. Would this raise red flags if it happened to you? :bang:
Hey Ashanti, I’ve actually been thinking about that a bit since I first read your original post. I didn’t comment initially on that aspect of your post because Smores comment seems to cover the gist of what I was thinking. However, now that you ask specifically… Yes, it does send up Red Flags. It really does seem like the Chef is grooming him, but I guess that would mainly be your Partner’s concern – unless it leads to him cheating on you. If the Chef is Bi and potentially into multi-person orgies, that’s the Chef’s business, of course. If the Chef put undue pressure on your Partner at work to ‘join in’, that would be sexual harassment – and I’m sure he could take legal action if it got bad. Maybe your Partner’s flamboyant style made the Chef think that he would be into group sex. Do you know if that is something that your Partner has ever done or seriously considered – or would that be something that would definitely turn him off? If the latter, then I don’t think you really need to worry about it. Have you had a discussion with your Partner about your concerns with the way this Chef has conducted himself thus far? If so, has he seriously considered that it looks like he will be walking into a situation where, at least initially, he may be pressured into having ‘non-business’ relations with the Chef? (BTW, the interview over coffee at a café isn’t all that strange in and of itself. It’s not particularly common, but some people prefer to do quiet, off-site interviews. However, when combined with what he said about his apartment and it being fun for both girls and boys, that makes it seem like he needed to be away from the job site in order to tacitly solicit your partner.)
Hey Quantumreality Awesome.... I am not sure if he's into group orgies but he was an ex Prostitute a long time ago , he's also an Auzy and the Chef is Auzy as well, he's done drag shows at gay bars and had a few serious relationships where they cheated on him. He's done it all when it comes to sexual stuff though. Also the head Chef is very wealthy and my date is on the unemployment benefit as why hes looking for a job. If hes pulling me along on a string i need to get my scissors out and CHOP!
Yeah Ashanti, It definitely sounds like you need to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with your friend if you want to go forward with a relationship. (I realized that you keep calling him your date and not your bf or your partner.) If you don't feel that you have a basis to trust him and you aren't in to open relationships, then you are probably right that you don't want to get emotionally invested in him. Best of luck! Take Care.
