I'm new to university and one of my friends here, Paul, has quickly become my very best friend in the last couple of months. We have so many things in common and the differences we do have, I adore him for them. I'm very attracted to him and think he's such a sweetheart but I never ever wanted to take it a step further because I'm SO happy to be his friend and I would never risk his friendship for anything. Thursday night, we went to a halloween carnival downtown and he got quite buzzed and loud, but we were enjoying the first few minutes of our time there with our friend group. Then, I was an idiot and said out loud to him and the girls we were with that our midterm grades were just posted online, and the whole class did horribly. I got a B-, our friend got a C, and Paul's face turned sour so quickly when he looked at his phone. F. I grabbed his arm and we left the place before any of us flipped or before he bursted into tears. After our other friends left, I walked him to my house and he started to sober up from the emotional strike of that grade. I put him in my bedroom and when I came back from taking off my face paint in the bathroom, he was silent sobbing on my bed. I put my arm around him and in an attempt to comfort him, gave him a kiss on the cheek. I can't describe why I did it, but he gave me the biggest hug and then said "let's just go to sleep right now, I'm tired." I was like, whaaaat? I've never spent the night with a friend before, let alone a best male friend. But anyways, he gets in my bed and I awkwardly lie next to him in my full dressy costume. He says "there's no way you're comfortable in that. Just take it off" and pointed to my tucked in dress shirt. I did, and then he grabbed me and put me next to him and cuddled me. It felt like a cheesy movie because I looked up at him almost shaking after he asked if I was okay and I said "this doesn't feel like two friends..." he goes "is it?" And leans forward and kisses me, hard. And we ended up kissing for like 10 minutes even though I was in complete shock. He tried to pull a few moves and reached down into my pants but I told him no. He later told me that night how much he liked me, that he always feels safe and comforted when I'm around. I didn't know how much of this was the alcohol talking until the morning came and he was still kissy and lubby dubby. We spent the morning together and I'd honestly never felt chemistry like that before, but I was still so confused and conflicted. On the bus ride home Friday afternoon, I texted him asking if we were okay, and he said we were but that he wasn't sure a relationship would be a good idea as he values our friendship so much more and wants to be my friend for a long long time. At first, that actually made me happy and relieved. But now, I don't know why, but I've become anxious and a bit depressed since Friday evening. To the point that I cried last night and I couldn't really explain why. Can any of you relate to this? I would bet money that this isn't the last time we'll have a night/moment like that, but I'm just not sure how I should feel about that.
I can definitely relate to this. I have been crushing on one of my friends forever and he recently found out, and one night we were hanging out and one thing led to another and he kissed me. I asked him about it later and he said that he didn't hadn't known if he was into guys or not but after the kiss he thinks he's straight. It sucks. This is kind of complicated since both of you don't want to get into a relationship because you will risk your friendship, but at the same time you're attracted to each other. I know my advice isn't worth much but I would talk it over with him and see what he has to say. It really comes down to if you both want a relationship enough to risk a friendship. You should also keep in mind that not every relationship ends in a terrible way. I've seen plenty that end with the partners becoming great friends. But just to let you know, I think this story is adorable. I'm rooting for you guys
It is possible to be close friends AND in a relationship and, though it takes a level of maturity some lack, it is possible to remain close friends after a breakup. Talk about it with him, see where is he on the matter and, go from there.
I can haha. What could be why you feel so weird is that you feel a bit conflicted. It is obviously not just friends but also not a relationship so you don't know what you're up to and what you can expect. This might stress you out a bit that it's not that clear to you
Thanks, guys. It sucks because I have a tendency to overthink so now if he doesn't reply to a text or says he has to study instead of hanging out, I'm super paranoid and thinking that he wants to distance himself, which doesn't make sense; if he was honest enough to say that a relationship wasn't right at the moment, then I should trust him to tell me if we should spent time apart. But, try to tell my brain that -_-
I think that was called, "taking it to the next level." He felt alone and vulnerable, and let down his inhibitions long enough to tell you something that was on his mind for awhile. My advice: Whatever happens, don't make this the elephant in the room. Acknowledge it, and work out what to do with it together.
The problem is I don't know how long it'll take me to stop looking at him in that way. I should be his friend and nothing more but I find myself getting secretly jealous a bit. Like he's gong on an LGBT school retreat next weekend and I'm paranoid that he'll meet someone, though I shouldn't be since we're JUST FRIENDS. It's like I need to remind myself of that. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2016 at 02:36 PM ---------- Also, I want to ask a good friend here for advice but we literally share the exact same friend group. I probably shouldn't risk telling someone that'll spread it around.
Definitely, it's not a good idea to seek advice from the town square, the same friend group. That would certainly violate his privacy. If you really want to stop looking at him that way, then it seems you have no choice but to discuss this with him. If you want to be "just friends" then it would be good to actually encourage him to meet other people. Seems to me your inner voice is whispering one thing in one ear, and the intellectual brain is whispering the opposite in the other ear. Which voice is stronger? So, in fact, the person you should ask for that advice is that very person who might have a little crush on you.
Yeah :/ gah this sucks. I feel so insanely torn. I've lost a lot of sleep and productivity potential because of this.
