Hello, I just joined this forum. I'm old and just realized a couple of months ago that I'm lesbian. I have never been married, and have had only a handle full of unsuccessful male relationships. In College, I had a VERY male destructive relationship. I attribute that to why I have not had a successful Adult relationship, but now I may really know the answer. I really don't know why I repressed my feels for so long. I did have several women friends in my life that I can now say I loved. My views and values have always been different then the majority of the population. I'm old to be going through this, but it is what it is. I'm curious and want to "test the waters." My community will not accept that I'm gay. I have a semi public job, and have lived in a population of 10,000 people for over 20 years, everybody knows me. I cannot come out without repercussions. I thought maybe I could do the online dating, but that is not helping. Women are not receptive to old, new lesbians, who have not "tested the waters". (I'm very truthful to a fault.) I hate the judgements. I'm thinking of not announcing my virginity to women until it is time, and I find the right women. Is that bad? I'm now trying to leave it all behind and just work on my professional life. But I have been severely depressed and anxious so I don't really think I will be successful. I guess I'm looking for advice...
Maybe you can meet some people online, not on hook up sites or apps because those do tend to cater to the young but, us older LGBTQ are out here, forums, chat rooms (not dating chats) gamers, even social media sites. Even if you live far away, it's possible to meet in person. I'm 50 and, Ive got LGBTQ friends, and hook ups in 4 states and 3 countries. Travel isn't an obstacle to everyone. Might be a while before you meet in person but, usually within a year then, as often as possible after that, if you hit it off.
I'm into the talking also, It does give me a release that I'm much in need of. Any suggestions? I also joined my professions LBGT group, the profession I'm in is into freedom of speech and intellect. I'm on LBGT Forum and have a friend that is much in the same circumstance but she is several years younger and more competent on the online sites. I have always been very secure with who I am, but this twist has sure deflated me, so I'm sure I sound apathetic....
Be yourself. The right people will appreciate it. THE others don't matter. I ran into a lot of judgemental women, and later found the right woman for me.
It sounds like you have a good start. It will take time Luana, but it is quite possible. Both of the relationships I've been in came when I wasn't looking.
Just be yourself and, forget about age, forget about a lot of the boxes most people try to fit others into and, forget a lot of the lines you might think can't be crossed. Age and miles don't matter when you meet the right person and, depending on the person, a whole heck of a lot more might not matter. Then know that not fitting and crossing lines doesn't change who a person is. Seemingly impossible relationships can and do happen , and they can be about as close to ideal as anyone could want. I know because I'm in one of those ALMOST impossible relationships and, it's just a bit shy of perfect because we are human and not human is perfect, no two people agree 100% of the time and, even the "perfect" couples fight now and then. I certainly wasn't looking for a relationship but I found one in the last place and person in the world I would have expected. On the surface we seem to be totally incompatible opposites but, appearances are deceiving. beneath the surface, we could have been twins, except for the age difference but, even that is just physical, not mentally, emotionally or, experience wise.
Thanks! I'm going to stay away from the dating sites, just not for me. Hopefully i can settle into who I have become and add it into a normal life. I have been obsessed about the revelation, and I'm tired of every thought being about women, not that that is bad. I accept and enjoy who I am even if I am not out. I need to stop looking at my weaknesses and remember my strengths!
Hi Luana, Welcome to EC! First, you are not old!! But I know what you mean, I feel so old to be going through this process as well. Do you have an LGBT centre near you? For me the local LGBT centre has given me so much support. Mine offers counselling and social events, where I've started to make some really good friends. I suggest starting there to build yourself a support network. You can also meet women and learn about other places to meet women through these kinds of social activities. Do you have a centre like that near you? Also you can meet women through social activities like meetup if you look for LGBT groups. That can be a good way to make friends as well as potential dating partners. It might allow for more openness to connecting rather than online dating. I hope that helps a bit!!
Hi Luana, Good for you that you can begin to name your reality! This is an important early step. Trust me...you are not too old! I work with many people who come out in later years....and the beginnings are always scary. It is a big change! Just know that the more you are open to the possibilities, it will translate through your energy and affect...and others will see it too.
Yes it does help in a way, but no I do not have that support system here! We are extremely back woods. My online presents is not good and I need the physical eye to eye aspect. I need to finish some things here, then looking for a new place. I have never wanted life to move fast until now, but I also need to find a job. I do have a good resume, and I know my professional life is needed but finding that niche has been difficult. Ireland and the U.K. are top on my list. Thank you for the words!
Hello, So I did find someone on a dating site. We have talked on the phone a few times and text through out the day over the past 10 days. We have a great connection. I was very worried, that I would hurt her, and have had that on the forefront of my thoughts. Recently, now it is to she hurting me, unintentional of course, but still not having the right connection once we meet. Christmas Break is the scheduled event. So my question is I have this intense bond with this women and I want to know if it is normal? I have heard the jokes about U-Haul's and all, but yes, we have discussions about the future, vacations, how do we make it work (LDR), living together. It has been 10 days, and I'm ready. That scares me....
Well physically we are 9 hours apart, so spending every day together will not happen. The texting does happen, could that be considered the same as spending physical time together? I don't know if we could stop without feeling some dejection, on either part. The schedule for meeting is I will go to her town, we will have a casual cup of coffee, if we hit it off I will spend the week there, if just OK, I will get a hotel and we will see if it can work, if nothing, then i will turn around and come home. She has told me she wants a partner bad, and so do I. We talked a little bit about reviling the negative parts of our personalities or just finding them as we continually talk. I did tell her my story. I was not going to right away, but she could tell from my comments, so I told her, for all fairness.
