Hey guys and gals, I hope your all well! So I recently went through what I feel like was a nervous breakdown and ended up coming out to my mom after years of keeping my sexuality a secret...she was super supportive and loves me no matter what, I felt a huge pressure just release which was great. I now for whatever reason am feeling like im questioning who I am?, I feel so lost sometimes even though I understand this is a process...I have had anxiety and everywhere I go and everyone I talk to I just feel so unresolved, I am not depressed by any means but I honestly don't have any gay friends to talk to about this, I know im not the only person in the world to go through this but there are times where I feel so conflicted. I would say im Bi as im still attracted to women, but I also feel as though I am losing the plot. What have you all done to work through the initial stages? what has helped you all get through and really celebrate who you are again?
Congratulations on coming out to your mom! I have been coming out as bisexual over the last 5 months. I'm mostly out (except work, but that is coming). For me, it has gotten easier coming out, but there is still sometimes anxiety and stress. And some really great moments, too. And some times when it all seems normal, like no big deal. One thing that has helped me is volunteering at my local LGBT Center. That gives me a connection to the LGBT community, with real people I know who are L's and G's and B's and T's. I also wear a bi pride flag colors silicone wristband. I'm married, and my wife is supportive, and she pumps me up with bi pride from time to time. One disadvantage we bisexuals face is that it can be challenging to explain to straight people. Doing the things I'm doing helps me feel the bi pride and gives me energy and inspiration to keep the momentum going forward. I don't know if any of that is helpful, but hang in there and keep up the good progress, I'm wishing the best for you.
Coming out is hard and makes for a whole lot of questioning everything. I completely reevaluated my life in that process. Eventually I learned that my sexuality is only one piece of the puzzle, and that just because I had to turn that piece around didn't mean I had to change everything. What I did need to get through was a few lesbian friends. I only made 2, but they were enough to give me that support along with obsessing on here
Thank you so much Adray! how did you cope with the flood of feelings and emotions throughout? any helpful tips I mean I know sometimes we over think things and make them more complicated then they should be! ---------- Post added 27th Oct 2016 at 11:10 AM ---------- Hey Rose, im totally at that stage, its almost like, does EVERYTHING need to change now? My workplace, my health , its so weird because it sends you into a spiral of anxiety sometimes. How did you work through it and place it altogether? Im guessing your lesbian friends helped a lot.
Yes, overthinking happens. I've found that the build-up to a coming-out discussion is always the worst part. Once I get the first few words out, it's like the dam breaks and the water flows, and the weight lifts, and I'm in the clouds. Sorry if I mixed a few metaphors. As far as tips, I personally try to focus on other challenges I've conquered and use logic of "if I can do A, surely I can do B" and "I'm strong enough to have gotten through A, I will survive B and be just fine." In my case, 4 years ago I turned my health around by switching to bicycle commuting. Every day, all weather. When you've rode on city streets in fluorescent yellow bike clothes in front of traffic, in a torrential downpour (and you know the motorists are questioning your sanity unanimously), and you get home and feel great and have lost weight and turned your health around... it gives you strength to do something like come out as bisexual. Not that the two experiences are necessarily related or all that similar, but I definitely drew strength from one accomplishment to apply to the effort to come out. Believe in yourself, you can do it, you can weather the anxiety and emotional ups and downs. It's also helped me tremendously to really embrace the bisexual label and identity and be proud of it. That is what keeps me moving forward, keeps me from going crazy from the emotional ups and downs. I've known that I'm bisexual for 30 years, it hasn't changed and isn't changing, and you know what, it's actually pretty awesome to be bi. Labels aren't for everyone, but this one label has helped me decide to come out and be myself. I take power from it. Reading some good books on bisexuality helped a lot, too. Here are my favorites: https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Bi-V...UTF8&qid=1477533113&sr=8-1&keywords=bi+voices Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men – Bisexual Resource Center Support here on EC was also helpful, as was support from my wife. And wearing my pink/purple/blue silicone bi pride wristband. Don't tell anyone, but it's the source of my bi superpowers. LOL. Little things really do help, though. Sorry if that was a rambling answer. Believe in yourself, keep progressing. You can do it.
Can definitely relate to every word of yours, although I haven't gotten though this process and hope in time to find answers to all the questioning. Hope you figure this out soon,really glad you have your mom for support.
Coming out is only the beginning of self discovery. it's also when many of us step into the LGBTQ community more, and discover the rest of the rainbow, as it were. Then you find a whole spectrum of possibilities and, you relate to this or that point on a lot of them. It's natural to question yourself, to examine who you really are i light of new information. It can also be really stressful and confusing. Sexuality is not set in stone, nor is gender identity. I came out as bi female years ago, then realized that wasn't quite right, I was a pan female but that didn't fit perfectly either. I finally found myself pan queer. Now that's better For a while it was a lot of self doubt, questioning and exploring but, that's part of the process, try not to let it overwhelm you and don't rush it. Just accept who you know best you are now but, know that it isn't set in stone and, that you can be more than you might think right now. it will all come together for you in time.
I can relate and I'm sort of still going through the process. It's difficult because I'm married and only came to realize I'm bisexual a couple of years ago so I felt I had to "pause" some of the initial stages once in a while. Other times, I feel like I want to be super proud but have to hold back. Other times, it confuses me as to why it's even important for a married man in a monogamous relationship to want to come out at all (though I would be polyamory if my wife wanted to). So that's pretty much how I personally have dealt with it. Lately I've been a little confused again but am in one of those super proud moments. I absolutely love that there is a bisexual flag! I had no idea until reading the comments here. Ordering one for my motorcycle vest :icon_bigg What has helped me get through it is this EC community and self reflection. I'm super proud of my kids and I am a good father. And though I know it hurts my wife sometimes that I'm bisexual, I do believe she considers me a good husband. I also have close relationships to people who care about me and I have some hobbies, such as motorcycles and woodwork. Other times when it gets more difficult, I see my therapist and read and learn. Good luck on your journey! And congrats on coming out to your mom.
My 2 lesbian friends helped a ton, one of them especially. Whenever I cried and didn't know why, I'd call her and she would figure out what was bugging me. Also, coming on here helped. Another thing was that I started listing off things I truly know about myself. Things that hadn't changed. And I asked my best friend to help with that. Asked her what she knew. And tried to decipher what was true, and what was made up to prevent me from coming out. Turned out most everything was true except I hadn't been true to myself about who I was attracted to.
