Bi Married: Does your spouse know?

Keith, what is your fear in telling your wife? For me, it wasn't so much that I was scared because I kind of just blurted it out. But I think I would have anyway. It was just too much of a big secret for me to keep to myself. My fear was that she would one day catch me checking out men or catch me doing something while I thought I was alone and see no women on my screen (sorry if that's too vulgar for this page/post). Are you bi? gay? questioning? How do you think she will react? I was surprised. My wife took a few days to think about it before she really asked me any questions. And even then, it took her a while to understand that I wasn't lying to her the whole time. I think that affected her more than the fact that I'm bisexual. Well at least for a while. She now believes me that I wasn't lying to her but rather myself.

 

I wish I had a better answer, but the truth is that I didn't wait long at all. I never actually admitted it to myself before I blurted it out to her. My wife and I have been together since we were 18. We were each other's first everything (well, everything serious). Throughout the years, we got married and had kids. About 2 years ago we were really struggling with some sexual issues. We were not on the same page at all and after so many years, I had become very frustrated that we barely knew each other in the bedroom. I was also still denying to myself that I liked men. I remember ignoring it some as a kid and a lot as I grew into a teenager and more after we got married. But I couldn't hide it anymore and in the middle of a conversation we were talking about intimacy, I told her that I watch gay porn. That conversation kind of lead to more unraveling. I didn't identify as bi at first, but it became easier to explain it to her that way. I guess now I do identify as bi. And I'm at a point now where it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep it a secret. So I'm sure I would have told her anyway. I hope this helps. I know it doesn't sound as brave as me yearning to tell her and finally coming clean, but I don't really hide much from her anyway. That's another reason this has become so hard for me. I don't hide much from her at all.