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Attending Funerals or Reunions post-coming out

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Tardis221B, Oct 19, 2016.

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  1. Tardis221B

    Tardis221B
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    I graduated high school 4 years ago, and have been out as trans for a little over one year.

    I recently learned that someone I knew in high school died. We were in different friend groups and such, but we were both part of the same small group on a retreat senior year that was a bit like family.

    The memorial service is friday, and a lot of people from my high school will probably be there - I don't have anyone to go with me and am a bit afraid to go because I haven't talked with anyone from high school since coming out as trans.

    Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing before?

    I'd be uncomfortable if it were a reunion, but I'd have less reservations about going. Since this is a funeral and I don't want my identity to take away from things, and I don't want to have to deal with dysphoira.
     
    #1 Tardis221B, Oct 19, 2016
  2. bookjunkie23

    bookjunkie23
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    First, im sorry about the loss of your friend.

    Second, i think personally you need to go as yourself. I know you dont want the attention, and thats understandable given the reason for the meeting, but i dont think you should suppress your identity. You should feel comfortable especially in an otherwise uncomfortable situation.

    Hope it helps. Good luck tomorrow.
     
    #2 bookjunkie23, Oct 20, 2016
  3. Tardis221B

    Tardis221B
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    Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. But I think perhaps my wording might have been off.

    If I go I would go as me, but I'm just not sure I want to attend because I know it could trigger dysphoria, as I wont have anyone who has interacted with me since I've been out as trans there for moral support. People from my high school will be seeing me as me for the first time and I went to a conservative high school.
     
    #3 Tardis221B, Oct 20, 2016
  4. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    Could you have someone go with you? A best friend, perhaps?

    Love the username, by the way.
     
    #4 I'm gay, Oct 20, 2016
  5. Tardis221B

    Tardis221B
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    I've already asked people I know and they aren't able to go - or don't want to drive that far. I think, unfortunately, not going and finding a way to grieve on my own might be the better option
     
    #5 Tardis221B, Oct 20, 2016
  6. Jellal

    Jellal
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    If I was you I wouldn't have the courage to go. I am just not that social, and I think a situation like this would make it so much worse. There's nothing wrong with you expressing your grief in your own way, on your own terms. I'd suggest you do that without going to this funeral.
     
    #6 Jellal, Oct 20, 2016
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