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Feeling like Shit

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Keith83, Oct 10, 2016.

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  1. razorsharp

    razorsharp
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    I have sought professional help a number of times but keep going back to square one. I'm like Keith83 - I would be happiest if I could put this side of me on the shelf. Easier said than done. It's horrible what's happening to us.
     
    #21 razorsharp, Oct 31, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2016
  2. Keith83

    Keith83
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    Hi Razorsharp,
    Your post didn't offend me at all and to be honest all of what you're saying makes sense except the part about your only alternative being suicide. Please don't think of that as an option. I'm sure there are options that might have disastrous consequences and outcomes but I read somewhere on this forum someone once wrote - anything can be fixed except suicide. And that's very true. I've seen first hand the affects of suicide and it's... well its indescribable.
    But as for the rest of what you said - I have the "Why me" days too. And the days where it just seems so hard to carry the secret that's destroying me from the inside. But then I have good days too where it doesn't really bother me. Doing the right thing isn't easy - but the right thing is a matter of perspective. The right thing for me is probably to come out. The right thing for my wife is probably for me to carry on as I am. It's a complicated situation. I'd be curious to hear why u are in a similar situation - if you feel like sharing? Is it family or religious reasons or community or???
    Thanks for your reply - I am lucky to have my wife, extremely lucky, and I am so grateful for her so don't think I don't appreciate her.
     
    #22 Keith83, Nov 2, 2016
  3. Keith83

    Keith83
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    Hi Razorsharp
    I actually posted a response to your post already but for some reason it doesn't seem to be here. Don't worry nothing you said offends me and I do identity with so much of what your saying. Please remove suicide from your list if options though. I mean you say having a same sex encounter is impossible but realistically - it's not impossible. It may have disastrous consequences, but anything is possible. I'm not saying I'd advise it but if it were a choice between giving in and having a same sex experience or suicide... well suicide is a very permanent thing. Anything else can be fixed but suicide... I've seen the devastation that leaves behind so please don't think that way. I'd agree with Weston that therapy or counselling would be a good idea.
     
    #23 Keith83, Nov 3, 2016
  4. razorsharp

    razorsharp
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    Hi Keith83. Thank you for your advice. There are many reasons why same gender sexual encounters are not an option for me. First and foremost I personally disagree with homosexual behaviour. I believe they are immoral, unnatural, unhygienic and dangerous. Secondly, I come from a religious background and homosexuality does not fit with my background and worldview.

    If I were to ever engage in homosexual acts, I would never be able to live with myself. Of course my family would be horrified. Unfortunately I have same gender attractions that do not seem to be going away anytime soon. They have ruined my life because I have been unable to become the person I should have been.

    I have already tried counselling but did not find it helpful. Suicide would be a way out for me. A way to finally end the misery. I did not choose life, life chose me. Maybe it's time to be more proactive rather than let life walk all over me. Life is mostly horrible. There are no solutions to this problem. You know it and I know it. The only thing we can do is shoulder this burden for the rest of our lives.

    One thing I can do is to be supportive to people who are in a similar position.
     
    #24 razorsharp, Nov 3, 2016
  5. MarleyNara

    MarleyNara
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    I have depression and anxiety - or at least I think I do, because I am too worried if my family will find out if I ask my school for counseling. That on top of finding out that you have a crush on your straight friend?
     
    #25 MarleyNara, Nov 4, 2016
  6. elkro

    elkro
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    Hi Keith,

    Know that you are not alone. I am a therapist that works with people coming out in later life. While this is such a challenging time in your life, I hope you are able to connect with a talented therapist who specializes in coming out issues. I see that you are in Dublin. I have worked with several organizations in Dublin and know there is support there and the culture is changing quickly. I truly hope you can find your support network to help you see there are options. My very best to you!
     
    #26 elkro, Nov 4, 2016
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