Thoughts sought: A touch of emptiness?

Sounds to me you need a best friend(s). I have a couple really close friends and we can spend hours talking about absolutely any small/silly things and still enjoy each other's company. Of course we talk about my sexuality sometimes but that's just a small part of the conversations.

I am not saying making close friends is easy. It is probably one of the hardest things in the world, especially after you reach a certain age. But I am a loner and I hate social gatherings in general, so I feel like if I can make close friends, most people should be able to as well.

Would I be happier if I suddenly have a loving girlfriend who is also my best friend? Maybe. But since relationships really cannot be rushed, I try not to worry about it too much.

P.S. I just realized that you are a guy so you probably have had it more difficult than me. Most guys I know were never trained or encouraged to share micro-moments b/c it was a 'girly thing' to do. But I still believe with time you will find someone to share those moments with even if they are not your romantic partner.

 

Your description of those micro-moments is spot on. I do know what you're talking about. It can be a relationship partner or a best friend. I have those things with my wife, who is also my best friend, but I also have a platonic gay best friend that I can share things like that.

 

I can totally relate to this. Every time I drive across the moors to work I love the beauty of it all, and feel so lucky to live in such an unspoilt part of the world, but I find that although I have not lost the ability to appreciate all the good things in my life, and have several people with whom I can share them, the lack of a partner overrides everything for me.

 

What you're describing is called melancholy and yeah, it happens to me too

Everything becomes bitter-sweet and the feeling of wanting someone to share it with leaves you unable to fully appreciate it just as is. Nature scenes usually evoke that in me too. And, as others have mentioned, you can feel these things with a good friend as well, but it's not really the same.

 

I can completely relate to this. I experience this with someone I care deeply for - it can be a simple activity but because I shared it with her, it makes it all the more poignant and wonderful. If I had shared it with anyone else, I would feel that tinge of emptiness you talked about, like something was missing. Even with her in my life, I still feel empty at times because she and I aren't in a committed relationship where I know she's in my life and I'm building experiences with her. Instead, I'm left feeling melancholy as one poster put it and as your comment above states eloquently.

It is an uncomfortable place to be and I do wish to someday find a true partner to share life's little moments with. I think it's part of the human bonding experience - something on a much deeper level needs this fulfillment in order to have a sense of fullness and completeness. Not in a dependent kind of way, but in the spirit of oneness with someone else. I think it's the way we were made, not to be disconnected but to connect. It's connecting on the deeper matters of the heart that bring this kind of fulfillment. I wish I could say I know how to stop feeling this way and how to move beyond it, but I don't. I do try to realize it's a feeling that stems from my own human nature and that it's not a negative thing. Only when helplessness and hopelessness creep in can it become negative.

 

I mean for those little things... I feel emptiness... But I don't know whether it's because of not having someone to share it with... Things like a perfect stsrry sky just remind me of the world as a whole and make me feel small and helpless, or some just make me feel the desire to empty myself a little more to make room for small things and to feel the space in our overloaded society. Either way they seem to put into question either my existence or just modern life. And they make me want to bask in quiet blue for just a little. I think however, a special someone can be a support that lifts you up and holds you through those moments of melancholy... Maybe make them seem a bit more worthwhile. I dunno.

 

This is just my thoughts on what might be happening, I could be totally wrong but do you think at one time you may have seen that beautiful night sky or the waves lapping on the shore or whatever it may have been at a time when you were feeling lonely. And at that time you wished that you had someone to share that moment or thought or experience with? And then the next time something similar happened it may have subconsciously reminded you of that thought or feeling of sadness or loneliness and from then on you've formed the habit of connecting that feeling to these moments in life. I think somehow you have to try to break that pattern. Maybe start taking pictures and posting them on a blog or here on this site. You can private message me anytime to share if you have one of those moments. I'd be quite interested. I often have those little moments and think through people I could tell and very often I decide that most of them probably wouldn't give a shit - but that doesn't mean the moment isn't still special to me. Those micro moments is what life is made of. And if we don't appreciate them we're going to miss out on a lot. Get your camera phone and take a pic or make a note and then post about them somewhere or message me or whatever. I'd be interested to hear about them. And don't feel as though it's because you haven't got a partner that you're feeling like this. I have a partner but she just wouldn't be interested in my micro moments - well most of them anyway.
So start sharing, break the habit of feeling sad and empty and let other people share in the micro moments too.

 

I can definitely relate to what you're saying. I don't share easily with anyone, so to give of myself in those beautiful moments, it would have to be to someone special. That's something I haven't experienced yet, and it can certainly tinge those moments with a degree of melancholy. Hopefully it will happen some day...for all of us.

 

Ah now I understand a bit better, you're not just looking to share, you specifically want to share with that someone special. It's like sharing some of yourself. You will find that someone special - just don't give up!

 

I'd like to comment on what the OP wrote above:

Of all places, I found a beautiful description of that "touch of emptiness" you speak of in SparkNotes, on the thought of the philosopher, Martin Buber (my bolds):

Setting aside the You as God (Buber has no issues with atheists and places them higher than the misguided religious), Buber has a lot to say with respect to the I-it vs. I-Thou ways of relating to the world.

Most people's experiences in the present modern context are in the realm of I-it, namely, the separation of subject and object, of me dealing with causes and effects, money, matter, things I use, etc. But what the OP describes about his memorable encounters such as the "...moon at JUST the perfect angle in the sky." are in the I-Thou category. In that frustratingly short moment, there is no I or Thou alone, but a relation, where the I and the Other (which could be an object, an animal, an event, etc.) dissolve sufficiently (yet without losing the "I") to create something in-between. In that realm there is no subject and no object, but each participate in the fullness of that moment with their entire beings.

It may be that the frustration the OP describes is the inability to share that experience with another, but it may also be that such I-Thou experiences hint at something much higher, in a sublime realm of Others that transcend mere I-it experiences. In that context then, one wants to reach out to someone who could experience what you are experiencing, and in that sharing, experience and deepen the love that both could share in the contemplation of sublime beauty and significance.