I'm bisexual and only a few close gay friends of mine know that I am. Oh plus my younger brother who is also gay. But the rest of my family doesn't know and if they found out they may shun and disown me and my kids whom are teens now, may not look at me the same anymore. Where I live people are very religious and close minded. This area is often called the bible belt. The LGBT community is heavily looked down upon. So I have always kept my personal life to myself for fear of persecution. But i do have some openly gay friends and they seem to be doing just fine. Perhaps their families were more supportive and understanding. That would help a lot. I know my family would not be that way though. In their minds I would be living in sin and on the road to hell. Eternal damnation. Thank goodness I liberated myself from that crippling religious mindset years ago! Every time after I would masturbate I would pray to god to forgive me when all along it was a completely natural act! I was so messed up in the head back then due to all that brainwashing! Anyways, I have been seeing this guy off and on for a few months now and we're kind of getting serious. We have an understanding and are faithful to each other. We're an "item" so to speak. He is a really great guy and I enjoy his company very much. As does he enjoy mine. He is openly gay and he knows that I'm still in the closet. It doesn't seem fair to him that I have to hide in the shadows and keep our relationship secret. I mean he hasn't voiced that but it just seems unfair to me. However, I also don't think that my personal life is really any of my families business to be honest. Only unless he and I decide to get married then I would consider telling my family about us. But we're not that serious yet and I don't even know if i could follow through with such a commitment. Especially to a fully gay man. I'm still attracted to women too so I really don't know if i would ever make that great of a leap. Although I find it easier to meet and connect with guys. Ok sorry for rambling. Now that you know the full extent of my situation, what do you think? Should I continue to keep my preferences and current relationship a secret or should I be brave and come out? My gut and possibly fear of persecution, tell me to keep it a secret but at the same time, it isn't exactly fair to my current partner. Maybe I should ask him how he feels about it first?
It's always a good idea to talk to your partner about it. See where he is on it all. He may be wishing you WOULD talk about it, or he may be happy as things are. It all depends on what people want or expect out of a relationship. You mentioned that your brother is gay... does your family know this? Have they reacted positively?
Thanks for the advice! I will talk to my partner about it all and see how he feels. And as for my brother, my family found out about him some years back but he didn't voluntarily come out about it. He had confided in my ex-wife and then she told my brother's wife and then she told the rest of the family cuz she feared for him to be around the kids, thinking that just cuz he was gay that he was some kind of paedophile. My family didn't take it very well and I had to stand up for my brother and put them all in their place. Reminding them that he is still a person with feelings and that regardless of his preference, they should still love him and accept him as he is. They still treated him differently though and they still do to this day but they just don't talk about it anymore or make insulting jokes. Had i not stood up for him, they may have treated him more harshly. He was still just a teen then too and needed support. Not condemnation. I'm sure it was a living nightmare for him at the time. If he had it his way he probably never would have told my family. And he once asked me if I ever had told my mom about my preferences and I said hell no of course. He said I probably shouldn't ever tell her.
Wow, that's pretty sad stuff. For all the "it gets better" talk and posts of happy coming out stories, I always think of the upsetting ones most. However your brother is very lucky to have you and it was great that you stood up for him when your family did not. I'd absolutely do the same thing for my brother as well, but yet I seem incapable of doing the same thing for myself.... Funny that, isn't it?
^^^That right there--that's probably the essential first step. See how serious this is. If we're talking, serious, long term, commitment, then at that point it looks like you have a decision to make. I'll bet your friend does feel it's a bit unfair that you have to hide, but you have to ask.
Yep most definitely! I asked him about how he feels and he is ok with me staying in the closet for now. His family knows he is gay and so do his friends so I don't care if they know about us. I will just have to keep it a secret from my family. Which is probably for the best cuz them knowing only would cause more strife, dissension, heartache and hurt. And we don't need all of that, nor do we don't need their judgement either. So we will just make the best of the situation and enjoy life together. ---------- Post added 26th Sep 2016 at 01:51 AM ---------- Yep true that! And I know what you mean!
I'm glad you've talked it out - always the best way forward. And really, sometimes you can't get to that ideal situation, but an acceptable situation will do just as well. I really hope it works out for you both!
Hey Biguy78 I'm also bi and like u have kids and like you am in the closet with the exception of one friend who knows. I think in ur situation I'd definitely consider coming out. The thing holding me back is that I'm still with my wife and love her very much so I don't want to hurt her. U seem to be happy in your relationship with your boyfriend and I'm genuinely happy for you. I know how you feel that it isn't any of your families business but at the same time the secret isn't nice to have to keep and I'd love to be out because I'd say it's just so liberating to just say fuck it and people can take me or leave me. The religious thing is an issue but the core of Christianity is loving your neighbour as yourself and showing love and compassion. Whether you could ever make them see that I don't know. Being bisexual really is so tough. It must be hard on your partner too though to be kept secret. I think that he and your kids need to be the priority in all of this. It's their feelings that are most important and your own of course.
I'm pretty sure later in life you will realize that your attraction to men is greater. And listen. This is your only life, as far as we all know. So don't waste it not being honest with yourself, not being honest with others, and not living the life you want to live.
