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coming out to parents, family, etc.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by brightm, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. brightm

    brightm Guest

    hi. i'm 16, and a lesbian. i've known since i was 12 and every year i've said i would come out to my parents as my new year's resolution. like most resolutions, i've never done it haha. i really want to come out to them, because i KNOW they would be supportive and i really don't know what's holding me back.

    growing up, i never had crushes on anyone at all. my camp friend, who i'll call J, came out to me as bi when we were 12. that was really the first time i thought about the fact that i just didn't like guys, and maybe some of the girls i just really wanted to be friends with for some reason were actually crushes. i thought about it a little more and, yeah. definitely. next summer when i saw J again i had decided that i liked girls and no i didn't have a crush on her what are you talking about.

    when i went into freshman year, i made a ton of new friends who actually liked me (middle school was ROUGH, i went to a small catholic school and the 8 or so girls in my grade just hated me because i hung out with the guys and didn't wear makeup) and got involved in theatre, meeting one of my best friends, the obligatory gay theatre guy. all of my new high school friends have known i'm gay since freshman year, and most of them are somewhere on the spectrum (which is hilarious because now i go to a small catholic high school). we're kind of known for taking in the small little nerdy freshmen every year, and welcoming them into our little group. we just had an amazing lil guy join our group, and he just came out to me as trans, and said we were the first people he's told, which means so much to me that he feels safe confiding in us, and that we've essentially created a safe space for people in a conservative high school. so i'm out to all my school friends but it can get a little tricky when it comes to my friends outside of school.

    i'm out to all my camp friends, and the two friends i actually had in middle school too (finally, it took me long enough, i only came out to them last month). but i have a couple of older friends that i'm having trouble talking to about it. i met one of my best internet friends on an online game when I was 10 and she was 9. we've been best friends ever since and were able to meet in 2014. since then we've stayed at each other's houses for spring break, over the summer, and met up for a day several times. i've always felt like i can tell her anything but i can't tell her this. i want to but i don't know how. i feel like i have to wait until i see her in person again but that won't be until next summer and i feel like i'm just holding back this huge secret.

    then, my parents.

    i'm not about to rant about my homophobic parents, actually, quite the opposite. growing up, one of my mom and dad's closest family friends were two gay guys who had a daughter who was my age. they don't care about sexuality. my mom and i have had lots of discussions regarding rights and social issues, etc. so it's like. optimal coming out situation. and i want to tell them but i don't know how. and i mean, i have a feeling that they know, or, at least my mom does. i don't know how i just feel like. she does. (i mean i have a stereotypical pixie cut too so). for some reason i'm scared that they'll react badly even though i KNOW they won't.

    as for extended family, they're not as bad as you might except from grandparents, considering the fact that both my parents were born in the 50's and their parents both had them in their 20s. my nana (mom's side) has shown support for the lgbt community in the past and my gramma and poppa (dad's side), well... she's okay with gay people, but he is reeeeeeeeeally homophobic (and voting for Trump). optimally, i would like to come out to my nana, at least, since she's getting pretty old and starting to have health problems, but she also has memory problems and is known to let things slip, which i obviously wouldn't want happening at a family thing.

    if anyone has some advice for any of these situations..... that would be great.
     
  2. QuestionMark99

    Regular Member

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    Often times the advice is to wait until you are on your own. The independence will make it easier if it all falls apart. But you seem to have a good understanding of the people you want to tell, so you can really just go with that. I'd start small with the person you're most sure about and see how that goes. It's not going to be easy but with the knowledge you have of your family at least you know they're not really harsh haters - quite the opposite really. Maybe talk a bit beforehand about their friends that were gay, say nice things about them and how it was so nice that your parents accepted them as they were. You'll know when the time is right.

    Good luck!
     
  3. 108

    108
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    It sounds like you're in a decent and manageable environment to come out. You've thought out how it may affect those around you. I would encourage you to do it, if there's unlikely to be negative consequences outside of some discomfort. Your family seems like they may be supportive and put your happiness above any opinions. But, it's stil a hard and unpredictable decision. Good luck.
     
  4. CuriousArticles

    Full Member

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    I don't have any advice but I can totally relate to the parents thing. I know my mum would be fine but I chicken out every time I get an opportunity to cone out to her. I really don't know why??? Haha so it's not just you :slight_smile: