Significant other's facebook still says interested in women only

I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way. I would too.

 

From both your side and your fiancé's side, this is a really tough situation. If I were you, I'd be upset for the same reasons you say here. I can imagine that it feels invalidating to your identity, your gender and who you know yourself to be. You have every reason to feel the way you do.

But I can also imagine her side of this as well.. She loves you, but her way of understanding herself, her own identity, is at the core of the Facebook description. It sounds like she is wrestling to understand her feelings of herself and her own identity based on what she knows about herself and also taking in all of this new understanding of herself based on your understanding of yourself.

I suppose time and communication are the best ways to move forward from here, and you both need in the end to be true to yourselves.

 

I would definitely talk to her about how it makes you feel to see that. I can understand her position - she identifies as a lesbian and she is part of a community due to that identity, and now you have changed in a way that affects that identity. I've known gay men and lesbian women who date trans people as they transition and still identify as exclusively gay/lesbian. According to them, a single exception doesn't change who they are; their partner changed.

However, since you two are planning on getting married, I feel it's fair for you to ask that she removes the line from her Facebook entirely. Identifying as a lesbian when she's (I assume exclusively) with you affects nothing except her identity, since she won't be seeking out other people. IMO It'd be different if you two were just casually dating.

 

Maybe ask her to remove the "only"? Or change to "mostly interested in women" or something along those lines. I definitely wouldn't be happy if my partner publically stated they like women, and women alone, and then I amble along saying I'm a guy and everyone just stands there raising their eyebrows...

 

If you rarely use Facebook some of the little details like that go unnoticed and never changed. That may be the case. But if this is hanging over your head and if you had suspicions, address it.

 

Maybe she is interested in women only, but you're kind of a special exception. She fell for a woman after all, regardless of what you are to her now. Love and attraction is complicated, and you are not in the place that makes you whom she would pursue had she not been in any relationship. That doesn't invalidate the love you have, or that she doesn't see you as a guy; if she does it's all that matters. However, it is a non standard deal and it might not change the fact she is not into (other) men. She might only be into those that fit the criteria of being you.

But, for the sake of your relationship, I just don't think she even had to advertise her interests while being not single. No need to confuse people, I guess. But then again... to her being a lesbian might be as important as being a man is to you.

 

I think you have to take a step back and consider her position. Yes, your transition is huge for you and believe me, I totally get that. And I'm playing devil's advocate here, but she didn't ask for any of this - from her stand point, she fell in love with you while you appeared as a woman which matches her identity. She has decided to stay with you because she loves your soul. Here's where the benefit of my mistakes comes in; bleeding into someone else's identity and presentation can cause resentment. Her having a tag line (I don't have FB) that calls out that she's attracted to women doesn't invalidate your relationship. I think by asking her to remove it, you actual reduce your standpoint and stoop to a point which could set the tone and potential demise of the relationship.

Let her have her identity. Let her have this one thing, irrespective of the fact how it makes you feel. Because when all is said and done, she's completely rejected that identity outwardly anyway by loving you implicitly. Take the high ground mate, it'll niggle for a while but you'll be a better man for it. Take care bro