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ftm and being slightly feminine??

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by alext328, Sep 9, 2016.

  1. alext328

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    Okay, I'm ftm and I dress pretty masculine, and I like it and its what i'm comfortable in, but sometimes I want to wear thigh highs, knee highs, a skirt, nail polish and eyeliner but I don't feel like I can, as in I don't think I'm comfortable enough with myself to do it even if I want to, and I dont know what to do, just like, I cant wear what I want or I'll be uncomfortable, or I'm afraid someone will say that I'm not a guy bc of it and I just
     
  2. BradThePug

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    Just because you want to still do some things that are girly does not make you any less of a man. Those are probably things that you have done or worn for a long time, so you still enjoy them. There are many cisgender men out there that crossdress. I've just always done what has made me comfortable. In the end, your comfort is what is most important.
     
  3. anthracite

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    Sorry, but haven't ever heard about a transdude who hasn't got an extreme aversion against skirts at least. I mean eyeliner, painted nails suits with the emo crowd but not quite the regular dude. Probably you're genderfluid.
     
  4. AmyBee

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    If you're a guy and you like to dress in girl clothes sometimes then you're a guy who likes to dress in girl clothes. The only thing that matters is how you feel your gender. If cisgender guys can crossdress then there is no reason for a trans guy not to if he enjoys it. One big problem of gate keeping even within our community is there's always someone who's going to tell you that you're doing it wrong and make you feel invalidated. We see it here all the time, don't we? "I don't know if I'm trans enough." Only you know how to be you. Whatever you do that feels right to you is right. I've heard of people trying so hard to conform to expectations even if their therapists but none of this can help you unless you're honest and do it your own way, not anyone else's way. You are completely valid.

    And I certainly don't think it's helpful go someone to try and assign you an identity. In fact, that's some super rude stuff. That's what cisgender people do to erase us.
     
    #4 AmyBee, Sep 10, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2016
  5. RavenWing

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    I disagree with you, mate. Just because a transmale still enjoys the idea of wearing "girly" clothing doesn't change who they are inside. I believe that it just means that they are a transmale who likes to crossdress. There are cisgendered men that cross-dress, commonly with drag queens. I personally have a transmale friend who still wears makeup and dresses in female clothing because they've been doing it for years and it's hard for them to stop doing something that they are so used to doing and they still find enjoyment from it. It doesn't make them any less of a man and it surely doesn't mean that they are genderfluid. Gender identity just doesn't work like that.
     
  6. SystemGlitch

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    There are a bunch of trans guys on this site who still do "feminine" things. Gender expression =/= gender identity. I would wear pretty much any clothing as long as people still saw me as a man while I was wearing it. If a cis guy can do it, then a trans guy can do it. Not every trans man has to be hypermasculine and reject all things feminine. :/
     
    #6 SystemGlitch, Sep 10, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2016
  7. Creativemind

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    Gender expression =/= Gender identity

    I'm a cis woman and I hate skirts, dresses, eyeliner, and painted nails. I show the same aversion to it as you "say trans men do". I also knew a trans women who was a total tomboy, and we would bond over video games instead of girly shit. I liked that.

    Cis men can crossdress, the difference is that there's more shame in it. I knew a girl who's boyfriend would crossdress, he loved it! But it was something he only did in private to avoid harassment in public. If you called him "she", he would get offended, so this is not trans behavior.

    Using gender stereotypes to define genderfluidity is sexist. Sexism toward both genders. And in all honesty, this is why a lot of people don't believe in gender fluidity and call it "Tumblr shit" because of all the people who confuse it with stereotypes. Obviously this is offensive to both cis and trans people who are NGC (and even toward non-binary people who are 100% masculine or feminine) so it creates an uproar and more invalidation to non-binary people since they are seen as "confused" because of this.
     
  8. Cinis

    Cinis Guest

    That's because most transdudes would avoid doing that sort of thing since it leads to other people questioning the validity of their gender manliness and general reasons to transition..which is not pleasant. Dysphoria also has something to do with it (as the op described already)

    There's nothing wrong with being a feminine transguy. Gender and gender expression is not something chosen. A woman that feels uncomfortable in a dress can't change that. Someone can't change how they feel about their gender. In the end it's all about being as comfortable in your own skin as possible. You just do you.
     
    #8 Cinis, Sep 10, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 10, 2016
  9. August Silver

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    The stereotypes of what men are or aren't supposed to wear and how we should behave is what forced me to stay in the closet and suffer needlessly. As a kid I figured that I can never be a guy because I don't like sports... later came other equally ridiculous reasons. I probably won't ever wear skirts again (though never say never) but I have no intention of throwing out my nail varnish and makeup just because I came out as a guy. I have feminity as well as the more prominent masculinity but everything feminine about my body and being perceived as female causes dysphoria. I don't plan to advertise my feminine aspects to doctors when seeking treatment because doctors may well share those stereotypical views and deny me treatment :/
     
  10. Daydreamer1

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    There's nothing wrong with liking "Traditionally feminine things". Do what makes you happy.
     
  11. AaronV

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    One of my best male friends is straight and cis. He's really into fashion, talks with his hands a lot and likes to knit things for his girlfriend. Yet no one would ever say that he's not a man or would even consider using she/her pronouns for him.
    Transpeople are held to ridiculously high standards when it comes to gender stereotypes, by both cis and trans folks. Seriously, wear whatever makes you feel comfortable. I used to resent the colour pink when I wasn't out, because I thought it would mean I'm a girl if I like it. Now one of my favourite shirts is pink and I honestly couldn't care less because I've realized I can wear whatever I want.
     
    #11 AaronV, Sep 10, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2016
  12. darkcomesoon

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    The more comfortable you get with yourself, the more comfortable you'll be dressing femininely. Personally, I only feel comfortable dressing femininely when I'm at college, and that's because I know that people know I'm a guy and will respect that no matter what I'm wearing. I don't dress femininely around my family and I don't dress femininely around some of my friends from home because I'm worried they'll use it as evidence to invalidate my transness.

    Honestly, there isn't that much you can do other than to remind yourself that you're a guy no matter what you wear, or maybe just wait patiently until you have more people who will respect your gender no matter what.
     
  13. Kodo

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    Ditto.

    As others have articulated, gender expression isn't the same as gender identity. You can be feminine, but still be a man.
     
  14. 3n

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    Exactly. Just do what makes you happy what you're comfortable with.
     
  15. Lacybi

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    I know a trans guy who kept his - really feminine - name, has long hair, wears a lot of makeup, paints his nails and loves dresses. Doesn't make him any less of a man. So whatever feels right to you!
     
  16. joshy the queen

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    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    ok so a guy can wear a skirt
    while kurt didnt pull it off much and his skirts arent tight
    there are other styles i can see for guys wearing skirts and looking damn good while looking femme
    so its ok also with an eyeliner
    havent you ever seen a guyliner ???
    its totally okay
    one day when i leave my country I will make it a fashion trend that many people might follow but for now I cant really wear a skirt in syria ^^"

    ok this is how i like it !!
    [​IMG]
    include an eye liner and some better hairstyle !!!
     
  17. CJliving

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    I get the same thing! I'm not binary, but even if I was whatever. I love heels. But whenever I want to wear them, or leggings, or eyeliner, I feel like "you won't pass even more if you do this". Often times, that's enough to put me in skinny jeans and more accessories than normal, but still very much 'masculine'. Recently though I've found it easier to say fuck it. I think for me it's just a matter of really having it in my head that my gender is what it is, and how people view me doesn't change that, and the security of knowing that the people that matter to me (and I'm out to...) will still see me for me.

    I don't know how long it's been since you came out to yourself, but it could just be a matter of time before you're comfortable to wear whatever the fuck you want. :slight_smile: