I'm not so full of bravery today. This past week, I've been fired up about battling through this. But today I just want to hide under the duvet and never come out!! There will be so many arguments and tears, Upheaval and change. I wonder if I'm strong enough.
You are strong enough! My boxing trainer is always teaching that in the ring, regardless of what punches are being thrown at you, you should always move forward (or to the side, but follow me here). Never move backwards. Moving backwards may feel safe (the other person can't hit you) but it also moves you further away from your goal (hitting them). If you move forward, you keep yourself in range for that goal and also overwhelm your opponent by not giving them a second to rest. Keep moving forward. You're strong enough. You're in the fight. You've got this.
I wish I wasn't such a people pleaser. I was all full of plans. I had my end goal in my mind, and I was heading for it. But then I sit and think about the people left in my wake. (Namely my husband) and I feel so guilty. He has no family, parents and brother have passed away. Friends that he sees maybe once every 6 weeks when he goes to the pub....I/we are all he has. I feel such a bitch. *hides under the duvet again*
I came out to my wife over two months ago. We are still best friends even though we will be divorcing. You can choose what kind of life you will have with your husband after all the dust settles. You seem to be thinking that he won't have anyone in his life after you come out. Why? Is there no room in your mind for the possibility that he will still be a big part of your life, just not your husband? I don't know him, so I don't know if he will reject you. He might. He might not. But projecting your fears onto him won't help either. Have an open mind about what his reaction might be. It could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.
You may well be right. I can only but hope. But he strikes me as quite homophobic. He scoffs at feminine men, he rolls his eyes at butch women. Anything out of the ordinary he seems to have some kind of view upon. I have young children with him (I also have older kids) and he won't see my 'coming out' as just that, he'll see it as me taking the kids away and moving out. Things are not great between us, and tbh, even without me declaring, we're probably headed for separation anyway. Although he's floating along like everything is perfect, completely oblivious. (But that's a whole 'nother post!!)
Ok, now that you've said this part, I agree with you that it doesn't sound like he will take it well. I'm sorry you're in this place. I guess I can only suggest to you that waiting longer won't make it any better. It will only leave you with anxiety for that much longer. (&&&)
I keep thinking I can do this without coming out.....but without me doing that, I will get the "what can we do to make this right" speech. I guess I just need to have the right lead up, in the right place, at the right time....and we're on the right track!
I followed this path for about 15 years... The "what can we do to make this right" speech occurred MANY times. Trust me, it just gets worse. The truth will be painful and you will be dealing with consequences... But it ends at some point. Unlike "doing this without coming out..."
I agree with Andy. You will just be prolonging the problem. I knew before I came out to my wife that I wanted to leave the marriage, so I made it clear in my coming out that it would be the end result. None of this will be easy. In fact, it may be the most difficult thing you've ever faced - but of course you went through childbirth, so this might not be as hard as that!
Oh, I loved childbirth Yes, this is hard. If there was a row, something to bite onto, it'd be easy, but there isn't. which means I have to broach the subject. :/ The planning wheels are in motion.
